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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just Found Out and Feeling... Lost
momof1girl
♀ Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every bite *does* come back up


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 82 | Registered: Oct 2013
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He says that it kills him that he has hurt me like this..

He is a liar. He has compartmentalized this. It may hurt when he sees you, but beyond that? He's doing what he wants and enjoying himself.

You say that when you cry, your child thinks it's because you miss daddy. So when OW is living with Daddy, then what?

I don't mean to be harsh. You deserve so much more than this. Your husband is a selfish cheater who, right now, is being allowed to live with his girlfriend while telling his wife how bad he feels. If he felt bad, would he be moving her in? He wants to keep you waiting.

You deserve more than this. It's up to you if you get it or not, but you do not deserve to stay in this pain.

And I can promise this - your husband does not deserve to have ANYONE waiting for him, or loving him. He's so unlovable. And he knows she messaged you with such hateful words? And still he's going to live with her huh?

Do you want this woman around your daughter? If she goes to visit her father, this woman will be there. Your H should not want her around simply for sending you a hateful message. You are the mother of his child!

I"m sorry - but again, this only goes on for as long as you allow it. There is no happy ending here. If things don't work with OW, and he takes you back, will you be happy knowing that he wanted someone else there but is settling for you because that didn't work? He must choose you - anything less will have you miserable for years.

I'm sorry you are hurting, I am, but you have the power to end this pain. Your H will not stop as long as he has both you and OW, and right now he does. The only way to change that is by you walking away. You can do this. YOu should want ore for yourself. He is not being a loving husband, and you should not accept anything less than a loving husband.

I wish you peace of mind, and clarity. I pray that you soon realize that your H won't stop, and that you must be the one to walk away.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
surviving1963
♀ Member
Member # 40393
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel your pain. I went from 125 lbs. to 88 lbs. in a matter of months. I lived on grape juice, string cheese - could hardly force anything down. I remember as the sun would go down I could feel the dark clouds gathering around me - such unbearable depression and grief. Sleep was the only escape, and yet I couldn't find it. When I woke at night it would hit again like a tons of bricks.

Please go see an IC and your Dr! It really helps. The advice and validation from a counselor are comforting. The meds (I went on an anti-depressant, anti-anxiety and sleep-aid) helped a lot! I had never needed these types of meds in my life. But, under these types of circumstances you need all the help you can get.

Knowing how you feel I wish I could do more for you. I hope you have a family/friend support system that you can lean on. It is essential.

You are worth so much more than being his leftovers. Take one day at a time. Be strong! Know that we all care and understand. Stay in touch often. Hugs


Me: 50
WH: 50 pro cake-eater, NPD, SA
Married 33 years
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12 (EA, probably PA)porn,ashleymadison, etc, etc
4 sons, 3 daughters
8 grandkids
Divorcing - finally

Posts: 120 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Utah
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to start by saying I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. I think it's time you start processing the sadness into anger. Anger will protect you and propel you to do that which is in the best interest of you and your daughter. You NEED to contact an attorney YESTERDAY. He's already impregnated the other woman - although she miscarried. This means they're not being responsible and your husband is NOT considering your daughter's future despite being under tight financial circumstances already. You need to file for a separation and get a child support order IMMEDIATELY before the other woman gets pregnant again. If she does get pregnant again and files for child support before you, she gets the bulk of his paycheck while you're left with scraps. I understand you're in a delicate state right now, but you must stand up and be strong now. Do NOT allow yourself to be a victim. Do NOT allow yourself to be the butt of a sick and cruel joke. I understand you're convinced your husband thinks he's in too deep so he figures he might as well continue on this path. You may be right. You may be wrong. Whether you're right or wrong about that is neither here nor there - the fact of the matter is that he's getting deeper and deeper day by day and you're passively allowing him to do just that. She's on thin ice with him? So that should make you wait until he gives you the green light back into his life? What makes him such a prize. He has put your life and the life of your daughter in grave danger. It's time to flip the script and turn the heat up on him. If you don't, you'll always be his doormat. It's time to get angry and take action. Don't even THINK about hurting YOURSELF any further than he's so carelessly hurt you - you don't deserve any of that. Make him feel the pain and discomfort of his own actions - it's exactly what these cheaters need to feel from the moment they're exposed as the selfish, cowardly, reckless, wrecks they truly are.
(((Momof1)))

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
momof1girl
♀ Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 4:41 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I medicated last night, to help sleep a little, just some time to be oblivious, and it didn't work. He talked to our daughter on the phone last night and I overheard some of their conversation. He asked her how mommy was, and she said that mommy was sad and sick. He told her to make sure she gave me extra hugs because some were from him. It's 4:40 am now and I just fell asleep at 1:30, but that has been my longest stretch of sleep since everything started.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 82 | Registered: Oct 2013
redrock
♀ Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He asked her how mommy was, and she said that mommy was sad and sick. He told her to make sure she gave me extra hugs because some were from him.

Uggh. That is manipulative self motivated crap.

He was calling his daughter whom he had move out for 'financial' reasons only to move the OW right on in. Uggh. The OW was probably waiting right next to the phone until he was off to PROVE that she is the right choice.

He has you sick for the loss of him and her acting the fool to show she is the 'one' for him. And all he has to do to keep the plates spinning is throw words around. Pretty words. Manipulative words.

Watch his actions. He is living with the OW.
She gets his time and attention and the financial monies that are in that home. Not the family he had move out. Please see him for who he is right now.

That doesn't mean he can't change or climb out of the alien pod he is living in. But you have to deal with who he is today. Not the Husband he was or that you want him to be.

Start with baby steps. Protect your daughter, her rights to CS and yourself.

Please eat. And drink. If you can't keep anything down, you have to go see a dr.


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listen to what Raven96 has said. You have to be willing to let go. He is playing with both of you. He needs to know that THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
Raven96 is right - let go.
Do the 180.
This might bring him back to reality. And if it doesn't....what the hell have you lost? Best friends do not do this to each other.
So sorry this is happening to you. No one understands the pain better than us. We are here for you anytime day or night. Take care of yourself - eat and drink lots of fluids. It will get easier in time. I didn't believe that either but it is true. Big Hugs to you.


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1317 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
momof1girl
♀ Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read the 180... and I just don't feel ready to do that yet. My heart is hoping that this isn't the end of our marriage. I know it sounds ridiculous and cliche' and like nonsense, but even with this, I still love him. Even with my heart shredded, I love him. I just can't find the anger through the tears and the pain... and I know that you all want me to. That you say the anger will make me feel stronger, but how? I used to be an extremely angry person and one day, he found me. He found me and he sat there patiently and patched the bleeds in me and stitched together the broken and ragged pieces. We could talk about anything and that slowly drifted away. Once we got out cell phones, we started texting each other (jokingly), and it became the norm. We could be sitting right next to each other and we would text instead of talk. How do you know when you are ready to let go?


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 82 | Registered: Oct 2013
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, you will be ready to let go when you get mad...
...mad that he sent you and your daughter away under the pretense of financial burden, when, in fact, he can afford to move his AP into your home.
...mad that he has so little regard for your feelings that he tells you exactly what he is doing and expects you to live with it, because he knows how much you love him and want him back.
...mad that the AP can be so disrespectful of you, and he is not only allowing that, but he is also choosing to be with her over being with you, the mother of his child.
...mad that he is keeping you waiting in the wings while he does whatever the Hell he wants.
...mad that he is allowing his AP to take over your home and your former life.

It will come. This isn't a bad anger...it is a "fight for survival" anger. The man that stitched together your broken pieces so long ago is gone. This person is tearing you apart and causing your bleeds. Don't let him do this to you a moment longer.


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
momof1girl
♀ Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to lie down and sleep and just not wake up... the pain crashes over me every minute of the day. Distractions don't help because the pain and anxiety are waiting for me when I return. Being around people helps a little bit, but I know that eventually I will be alone and it scares me. I crave seeing him, but I'm terrified to as well.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 82 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

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