I also have please to see he's doing it in writing so you have a solid thing to revisit when you need to ask more questions.
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
I know I can't move forward without the truth, the last 4 months have done more damage and it pisses me off to no end that I could have 4 positive months of healing behind me in this marathon, but instead this disclosure puts me at day one, but that is better than being in false R, I get that, but I'm terrified of feeling as devastated as I did back in June.
The puzzle -- his A, his FOO, his lack of boundaries, his poor choices -- are already in place.
Tomorrow you just get a few more pieces of the puzzle; you get to see things a little more clearly. Don't "borrow trouble."
Say the Serenity Prayer today and get a good night's sleep.
Just be gentle with yourself - no matter what happens. I have had so many days where more and more BIG info came out, I stopped counting. It does set you back but maybe not as much as you'd think. I still got some newly after Dday every-time like the mind movies would return and so would my twitch and my flinching. But every one had me processing through it faster and faster.
((((((Hugs and strength)))))))
Although I am shaking like a leaf, I feel strangely numb right now. As it sinks in and I process it all I suppose I will figure out if this helps R or helps D, at the moment I don't know.
Cantgetup, I requested it all be in writing. We communicate much better that way.
MC tell u to write things out.
I have just given my H a 7 page questionnaire (as I like to call it lol) with all the questions I need answers to.
Im looking fwd to getting it back because even tho what is written in it might hurt like hell and will more than likely make me cry buckets... its because I need to know to be able to move on.
And when im having a shit day, I can look back at the answers and know why he did what he did, and WHY he chose me !!!
That's one of the big questions I asked ....
Why did you chose me?
What do you love about me?
I will need to read those bits over and over again!
So good for you, I really hope u get all the answers you DESERVE!
Im so glad its helped you and that you have other questions to those answers he gave you.
Your getting there, your getting what YOU need to move on ...
Onwards and upwards! Xx
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in." -Cohen
I think it was 16 pages long. Writing was recommended by his IC and our MCs as it would enable him to recall details better as a lot of what had happened occurred many years before. Also, I suppose if one is really good at compartmentalizing, that may make it easier to 'forget' salient details.
The magnitude of it all blew me away; I thought I'd braced myself, but I was expecting a severe thunderstorm, not a cat5 hurricane.
That said, it was critical to get it all out there. Like DS said, having it in writing to revisit was important too. Being able to re-read it not only gave me a reference point for further questions, but also helped really underscore that this was really REAL.
The questions won't all come at once; I hope your FWH is like mine was, and freely and without any negativity (despite the way some questions may've been asked... ) answered them all.
You'll get through this, but it will take time to process the new details. (((OldCow18)))
I just wanted to say that I am glad you got the written account. I am sure it will help.
I'm still waiting for mine...... 22 months later.