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User Topic: More. There is always more.
♀ Member
Member # 41090
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurt314, I'm so, so sorry. You are in so much pain right now.

It's all new and raw for me--fewer than two months since I found out--but I know that somehow, someday it's going to get better. And I believe the same for you.

[This message edited by nomadlady at 5:15 PM, January 6th (Monday)]

DDay: 2013
In R

Posts: 84 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ Member
Member # 31042
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its funny because I've done this before. I know how it goes. It's not my first DDay. I've had lots. Really.

But still. It's just as shocking, horrifying. My brain is swimming and my body is shutting down. I can't eat or sleep or function anymore. I thought i would be able to do it this time. I don't even care about him anymore. He's nothing. he's nobody. I never knew him at all. he was always so much worse than I ever thought, and I had already concluded that he was pretty bad.

He's the worst person and he's married to me and I'm never going to get away.

I can't handle this.

Him 36.
3 little girls.
He ruined our lives. Currently married and trying to make the best life for my children. There is no hope for us but I have hope for them.

Posts: 713 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Not Portland, Oregon... But close
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurt, I understand the horrible pain you're feeling.

big hugs, this too shall pass.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 1:23 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


It's a death, isn't it? It's like they died, or you died, or everything you ever thought you knew about yourself and your own life died. It's gone, and all that's left now is just to bear the pain. I tell my H to imagine me like a burn victim. Everything, absolutely everything hurts. I am going to come out of this seriously scarred. Any infection while I'm healing could kill me.

But maybe it's like a labour pain... the pain of some new life being born. Sometimes birthing that new life just tears you apart, and nothing about you is the same after, and you just have remember to breathe in and out a lot.

Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 40258
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've read your husbands post in WW and even replied. i'm so sorry.

I think you need to grieve this false R, and then you need to channel some emotion into giving yourself and your kids a potential out. (even if you dont have to use it)

You are NOT stuck with him. Now, after getting nothing from 3-4 years of putting so much into your relationship (that he screwed up) and constantly being taken advantage of
, concentrate on you and your kids. Get them and yourself into therapy, for the changes that might have to come, Update your resume, look into housing, going back to school, etc.

Shoot, even if you have to kick his a** out for some piece of mind, do what you have to do. maybe he'll understand there will be consequences for his actions this time.

If your husband really proves himself and you are willing to give it another go, great, but don't think you have no control over the situation. You have control, but only when you take it.

"If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit."

"If you think the grass is greener, you're welcome to take a hike"


R: one foot in, and one foot out

Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Atlanta GA
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Your pain is palpable. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you can find a path to peace, somewhere, somehow. Be kind to yourself. One breath at a time for now....

Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 710 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's the worst person and he's married to me and I'm never going to get away.
I understand this shock. But you can get away from him. Whether you choose to stay or to leave, you have the power to chose. It is our life.

I understand the feeling of wanting to distance yourself from the pain, especially if you think it is just going to keep coming when you least expect it.

Set up your boundaries, your conditions. You do not deserve to be disrespected and lied to. Stick to your conditions.

I'd suggest looking into what your rights are if you D. Knowing my rights took away a lot of my fear of the unknown, which in turn empowered me. Knowledge is power.

Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 5:23 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
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