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Newest Member: betterneverlate (44986)

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User Topic: A safe environment for WS to open up and talk
ShockedErica11
♀ Member
Member # 37550
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[Quote]I have found that if I respond in a very calm manner and without anger or defenseiveness myself, things de-escalate (is that a word?) very quickly...
most of the time, our BS just need us to listen. with our mouths shut....

This is something that I've told him would be effective; this is also something that my older brother told him was effective when we were children, and I would lose my temper sometimes.

I definitely am not a saint; I have a temper, but before all this (even before this relationship) I had ways to diffuse it.

I hear and am rereading everyone's responses in terms of the safe environment and everything. Today did not start off well and my usual is to find a strategy and implement, but then my emotions have caught up to my intellect, and so I got emotional. Not very effective.

Like I said, it just feels like he is resistant to any of my attempts at getting answers from him and this antiversary is especially hard because of all of the other personal things that had happened last year on top of finding out about his A. I want to support him, but I need to feel supported too, and it just feels like we're a hair's trigger from me being angry because I've been pushing for getting answers and he's either given me passive aggressive answers, avoids the things he knows I want to discuss or he gets defensive and deflects and evades.

I'm just at a loss, and I'm exhausted, and I just want answers.


Him (31): Taurus517 (17 mon EA/PA); others
Me (27): 3mo EA/PA (kissed once)
One too many D-days
(Full story: see profile)

Posts: 230 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Atlanta, GA
Kierst13
♀ Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like I said, it just feels like he is resistant to any of my attempts at getting answers from him and this antiversary is especially hard because of all of the other personal things that had happened last year on top of finding out about his A. I want to support him, but I need to feel supported too, and it just feels like we're a hair's trigger from me being angry because I've been pushing for getting answers and he's either given me passive aggressive answers, avoids the things he knows I want to discuss or he gets defensive and deflects and evades.

I'm just at a loss, and I'm exhausted, and I just want answers.

I hear you and your frustration. You need to decide what your boundaries are and where your line in the sand is regarding those boundaries. If you are ready and can stick to it, it might be time to tell him he has one last shot to stop the TT, half truths, lies of omissions and bold face lies and come completely clean or you show him the door.

If you are ready I think it is time for your bitch boots to be on. He has been given enough time and chances to get his crap together and give you what you need and deserve.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 42
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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