Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: MissTake (44701)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: So You Created A Monster Called Infidelity
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So you created a monster and it's name is infidelity. You fashioned it with lies, blame shifting, gaslighting, FOO issues,revenge, illnesses and esteem issues.
You kept it a secret because it was just for you and you became endeared to it. It served you well and boosted your ego every time you called it to do your bidding.
However you called upon it one too many times and it was spotted or it got to be too much of a burden because it would leave a little destruction behind every time you called upon it.

Yet you are still endeared to it because you created it. It is somewhat a part of you, but now you have to put it away.
You see the terror it has caused your spouse and all your family members.

It's a monster and monsters cause destruction..no matter how endearing they may be, their main purpose is to inflict fear, damage and destruction.
You find it difficult to detach yourself from your creation. You can hear it call to you or it tries to make contact with you even though you have physically put it away.

But you can't just put it away.

You have to kill it.
You have to take away it's power. You have to break the binding ties.
Everything that you used to create it..you have to destroy.

The lies, blame shifting, gas lighting, FOO issues, revenge and illnesses have to be rectified, controlled and put into submission.
They have to be dismantled and dissected and destroyed.

But like any horror movie monster..it can come back to life if you feed it again. The monster's full existence is dependent upon you. You had the power to create it..but also believe you have the power to destroy it.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2482 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You kept it a secret because it was just for you and you became endeared to it. It served you well and boosted your ego every time you called it to do your bidding.

Wow. Almost 6 months post-DDay, and this very sentiment hit me like a slap across the face today, independently. The time I spent, wasted, stole from my family. To feed my addiction.

like any horror movie monster..it can come back to life if you feed it again. The monster's full existence is dependent upon you.

Yep.

You had the power to create it..but also believe you have the power to destroy it.

This is a tough one for me, because my monster was created with the help of a sick pervert pedophile when I was 6 years old. Yes, clearly, standard disclaimer: that doesn't justify my cheating! But my God, this was a series of events so traumatic that my brain segregated it from my consciousness for 10+ years. And pretty much rugswept it for another 23. That trauma has molded my psyche so profoundly, become such an integral part of me. My personality. And now the As have shone light upon my damage. And I want to change, to heal, to believe that I do have the power to destroy the monster. But I've embraced the GD monster my whole life, as a coping mechanism. How do I move forward, now, without my soft, well-worn lovey?

This is why I'm in IC. And I thank God for my supportive BH, because I could not do this without him.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1106 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
atthedoor
♀ Member
Member # 25993
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes and yes and yes.

Slaying the monster=changing the way you think and feel about EVERYTHING!


Clearly we are on the ten year plan.
DD 10/14/2009

Posts: 138 | Registered: Oct 2009
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do I move forward, now, without my soft, well-worn lovey?

That soft well-worn lovey was never meant to be a part of you.
It was introduced to you and you embraced it because you were made to become familiar with it.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2482 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EGADS! I must be getting old


Could we remove the stop sign please


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2482 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Clarrissa
♀ Member
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The monster analogy is a good one, frm, but the thing about this monster is we didn't create it piecemeal like Frankenstein created his. This monster was created from *us*, in part or in whole. Part of coming through this healthier is dismantling that monster, tossing the rotten, deseased, defective parts and building on the good parts. And there *are* good parts. We may not think so but if we dismantle that monster, we can find them, hidden away in or under the rest.

And we do need to starve the monster. Stop stroking its ego, which feeds on dysfunction.

It's hard to put our creations aside when we've invested so much into its creation and maintainance but we need to if it's toxic to us. And this monster is. It's Love Canal, it's Chernobyl and we are the ones who can clean it up so it's a safe place to live, for us and our BS.


BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49


All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.


Posts: 5879 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I removed it I was surprised to see you have it on there in the first place...that's so unlike you


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197243 | Registered: May 2002
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice post, and I'm definitely NOT going to be a monster this Halloween!


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I removed it I was surprised to see you have it on there in the first place...that's so unlike you

THANKS DS!

I am getting out of practice..I need to post more


Great post Clarissa..so true..


LOL JustDesserts maybe you can as Van Helsing??


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2482 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow thanks for this, huge struggle to out live and remove the monster from your being when you look at in the mirror everyday.
But from what I've read it can be done.
Its to now segregate that from who you are and I want to be.
Thank you for the analogy. It has been my thoughts to.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 404 | Registered: Apr 2013
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The lies, blame shifting, gas lighting, FOO issues, revenge and illnesses have to be rectified, controlled and put into submission.
They have to be dismantled and dissected and destroyed.

Ugh!!! Such hard work, but so worth it!

BH and I are both having our butts kicked by FOO right now. So freaking stressful.

Great post frm, thanks!


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1411 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its to now segregate that from who you are and I want to be.

Joanh, this is good insight and good to know within yourself.

Ugh!!! Such hard work, but so worth it!

Knightsbff,

You know what gets me is that it was far easier to create the monster than it is to destroy it.

Funny how the hard work of killing it transcends the hard work of creating it.

[This message edited by floridaredman at 5:37 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2482 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Stayingstrong15
New Member
Member # 41088
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From a bs whose husband had a sexual abuse in his past. Please kill that monster. There are those who want to love u the right way. Please let them. I am soooo sorry for any past trauma you had. Please don't let it have power over your life. Please please from a bs. You are a new person from this day on. It wasn't your fault in no shape or form. At all. Please know this

Posts: 17 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 13

Return to Forum: Wayward Side Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.