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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My mother blames me for not allowing him to cheat...
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mother is a M.D. She is highly regarded in her field and made more money than my dad,

She said "I had a very expensive husband at home." Meaning SHE paid his way. I asked her WHY did you stay she said b/c she loved him.

Well first of all I will say it is still sad that their generation still felt that they needed to stay in a marriage where one cheats. Even when they are making more money.

She did all of that to be a doctor, to help people, but she did not know how to help herself. Somewhere in her past as well (thats why FOO issues come into play) it was made to feel it was OK to accept a man who was cheating. To not end your marriage and still think you were in love.

I think you will be breaking that FOO past. And hopefully passing it onto (don't know if you have kids)to children of the future. Thats what is really important.

Posts: 5674 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
♀ Member
Member # 20024
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry.

I wasn't flat out told that it was my fault or that I should allow him to cheat. But, I was told by many family members on both sides that sometimes "these things" happen in a marriage and we should stay together for the kids sake. My own mom told me the day after DDay#1 that there would be no divorce because marriage is forever.

Both of my parents are madhatters. So, of course if they had to stick it out then so did I.

DDay#2, several years later, I was done. I wasn't going to put up with the cheating again and it didn't matter what anyone had to say about it. My mom was holding out hope for weeks after I left that STBXWH would come to his senses and we would work it out.

No one should ever be in a relationship where they are expected to let the other person lie and cheat. It's abuse and I'm so sorry that your mom doesn't see it that way. And, I know that lots of people have said and you know it deep down but it deserves repeating... You are NOT to blame.

Me: BW
DDay #1 Tried R
DDAY #2 Divorcing

Burn everything love then burn the ashes.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Jun 2008
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to jump in and let everyone know that I am reading and re-reading everyone's comments. I truly appreciate you taking your time out to write to me. Your wisdom is greatly appreciated!

I wish you all peace and love,

Posts: 2486 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am BEYOND shocked that your mother feels this way.

D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 3410 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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