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User Topic: Houseguests- talk me off of the ledge please!
sunandmoon
♀ Member
Member # 10180
Exclaimation  Posted: 3:09 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok. I'm going to say it. I like order. I plan. I make lists. Yup.

I have houseguests. Five to be exact. For more than a week (don't ask how- not as was planned).

Every day is chaos. I am working. Kids have school. Test. Meetings. Schedules.

I cannot get a simple answer- will you be at the house for dinner? If so, by what time.

And on a slight switch of directions...

When you are a houseguest do you:

make your own bed?

make the bed for your children if they are too young to do so themselves?

wash dishes/place dishes in the dishwasher?

offer to help with meal prep/clean-up?

keep you "room" tidy, pick up after yourself in rooms you use...

I know I sound like a raving control freak. I know. I have five more days to go.

Help??!!

sunandmoon


Posts: 1634 | Registered: Mar 2006
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In answer to your question, not if you are my brother-in-law.

In his case you arrive empty-handed, eat everything in sight, fail to raise a finger and correct your hostess on her grammar.......


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my best friend comes to visit...she never keeps her room picked up but at least she keeps the door closed

She *always* helps with dishes, cooking and overall anything she can help with. And at the end of her visit, she always strips her bed down and put the sheets and her towels in the laundry room for me

The only other thing she never does is empty the ashtray on the patio


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196573 | Registered: May 2002
sunandmoon
♀ Member
Member # 10180
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In answer to your question, not if you are my brother-in-law.
In his case you arrive empty-handed, eat everything in sight, fail to raise a finger and correct your hostess on her grammar.......


THIS^^^^^^^^^

5X


Posts: 1634 | Registered: Mar 2006
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my. This is not a case of being a control freak, raving or not. These are poor guests. Really poor guests.

Would it work to say, "We eat at 6. If that doesn't work for you, you'll have to make your own arrangements for dinner. There's peanut butter in the pantry." ??? In other words, keep your schedule. They need to adapt to it, not the other way around.

((((sunandmoon)))) Sending you a giant supply of strength and patience.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24462 | Registered: Aug 2011
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you are a houseguest do you:

make your own bed?

Absolutely.

make the bed for your children if they are too young to do so themselves?

You bet.

wash dishes/place dishes in the dishwasher?

Yes-- XMIL cooked, so XWH and I (when we were still together) would do dishes.

offer to help with meal prep/clean-up?

Always. When we were on our beach vacations in a rental, I was the "head chef" a couple of nights.

keep you "room" tidy, pick up after yourself in rooms you use...

If we were in a rental, then I might not keep the bedroom spotless. When we'd visit the XILs house, we slept in their den, so that room was always restored to its regular appearance for daily use. I never left my things in other rooms, either. I kept my personal items in the bedroom and cleaned up after myself in other rooms.

You're not a control freak. It sounds like you're dealing with entitled folk who are used to being picked up after. That's rude, and you have every right to expect them to help out since you're extending hospitality. If they want to act like pigs, then they should go get a hotel room where someone is hired to clean up after them.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Oct 2011
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When (very rarely) I am a houseguest I try to make my host's life easier. Meals out, pick up after myself, etc. And my family is the same way. You have 5 more days. You need to explain to your guests how you need help and see what they are willing to do. You are not a hotel!


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 674 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds as though they are clueless and don't mind living in squalor. So let them. Make a giant pot of chilli. Easy to warm up easy to clean up. Don't worry about the house, stay in your own space. Get some alcohol too.
Basically ignore them.

((( and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7843 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get some alcohol too.

I'm headed right over to Tushie's house!


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6311 | Registered: Jan 2011
dameia
♀ Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do all of those and more when I am a houseguest. It's common courtesy!

"We eat at 6. If that doesn't work for you, you'll have to make your own arrangements for dinner. There's peanut butter in the pantry."

^^^This is what I say to my cousins who come to visit every spring break. It used to drive me crazy, because they only operated on their own schedule, were always late, really just nightmares. So I finally told them, "We eat at 6. If you're not here, then you're welcome to the leftovers, if we have any. Otherwise help yourself to what's in the pantry." Now they show up for dinner (although they are usually 15 minutes late, but for them that's the best you can hope for!)


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz


Posts: 1102 | Registered: Jul 2012
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I make the bed, help with dishes and meal prep, and buy high quality steaks and lots of wine and beer.

My mom always said guests and fish stink after three days.

My BFFs are allowed to stay longer because I love them.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17177 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my mom would visit she would say "I'm the guest" and then plop.

She no longer visits.


Me: BSO - 45
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24365 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
sunandmoon
♀ Member
Member # 10180
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First off- thanks for the support all- you ROCK.

A tough night. Their Little ones up. My kids up. I've been awake since 2:00 ( i don;t sleep well when I am stressed).

I feel like it's so obvious. We have turned our home inside out and upside down just to have them stay- my kids both lost their rooms and are sleeping on air mattresses.

I resolved myself to focus that I am on the "downslope" as there are four more days to go....

I can tell you this- when I am visiting my sister over the Holidays I will be beyond consciencious- we really are in the first place.

sunandmoon


Posts: 1634 | Registered: Mar 2006
cissie
♀ Member
Member # 17637
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had a lot of house guests in recent years and I now do the following:
I never go in the rooms they are using. Keep the doors shut.
I pickup anything they leave around the house and put it outside their room.
I say we eat at 6, will you be here. I try to make food that can be stretched - pasta, stews, curries or roasts.
For breakfast there is coffee, juice, cereal, toast, frozen waffles/pancakes or bagels - help yourself.
I ask them to put their own dishes in the dishwasher at breakfast. I will generally deal with dinner.
I will vacuum the rest of the house,but not their room(s).
I give them their own towels, but the bathroom sharing is one of the more difficult problems.

Good luck with the countdown.


Posts: 517 | Registered: Jan 2008
amitheow
♀ Member
Member # 4691
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My in laws live three hours away when they come they come for a LONG TIME -- it's not like we're states and states away. We live in the same state. They just like to stay forever. His mom sleeps ALL day and is up ALL night .. his dad takes over the thermostat and the TV. We both end up in our bedroom with the door shut reading the paper, with our dog, watching a teeny tiny TV.

It's a nightmare. I dread their visits. They came last Christmas and stayed TEN DAYS.


Old Timer, Just here to help
My screen name is: Am I The Ow? - Not Ami the OW.

Because in my situation I didn't know if I was the OW at first or if I was being cheated on. Found I was being cheated on.


Posts: 5082 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: Texas
sunandmoon
♀ Member
Member # 10180
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ultimate ending to this: I broke my foot.

sunandmoon


Posts: 1634 | Registered: Mar 2006
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gahh! You weren't supposed to kick their asses!

(((sunandmoon & foot)))


Posts: 6432 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..

..if they are treating your home like a hotel, then $200.00 per night sounds about right..

..that would include a 'Continental breakfast' of course!!!

..taxes and gratuity not included..

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4105 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((sunandmoon)))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24462 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 19

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