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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Rough night, picked the scab open again
losingmyground
♀ Member
Member # 36070
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not trying to be, but trying to help you resolve a small detail in your marriage.

He is passive aggressive and you know it. You know that he has been stringing you along regarding this issue.

So why take the bull by the horns and fix it yourself.

In the meantime you both need to communicate a little better. Which is exactly what a MC is for.

If he is not willing to do what you need and you really want to stay married, then you need to keep all these things in mind when dealing with him. Or decide that it is a deal breaker and divorce him.


Married 13 yrs
3 kids 13, 10 & 1
I'm 34
FWH 37
Affair lasted 6 months
Ended 09/2011
Found out 06/2012
My father died during the affair
In the middle of Reconcilliation

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jul 2012
Blameitontherain
♀ Member
Member # 37476
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rebreather we do have a timeline on when books will be read and when he will actually go through with the vasectomy. I have done the he said he would and then months later nothing is done. Not happening again but thank you for noting it.

And as a final note, he is agreeable to no sex. He knows the risk we are taking and doesn't want to risk unwanted pregnancy. He was uhhh eager to discuss no intercourse ways to tide things over until the vasectomy is done


Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2012
Blameitontherain
♀ Member
Member # 37476
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Losingmyguard I know you are coming from a helpful place. I do appreciate your input. I guess I haven't been pushed to the point of taking the bull by the horn yet. It may come to that and I am glad to know that maybe it won't be as invasive of a procedure if it comes down to it. Thank you

Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2012
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was uhhh eager to discuss no intercourse ways to tide things over until the vasectomy is done

So, what? As long as he gets a handy he is free to ignore your boundaries?

I guess losingmyground and I are giving you conflicting advice. LOL I don't think you are trying to punish him by "withholding." I think you are trying to say, "look, you aren't a safe partner for me so I'm not going to have sex with you until I can trust you." To me, it isn't about sex at all. It's about boundaries. And if it is, then I think all hanky panky should be off the table. Just sayin.

But again, it is his passive aggressive control that is the main problem here. My husband used to say the same thing "I can't talk to you because of how you react." I tried soooo hard to learn to react differently and I did make some changes. But after a couple years of him saying the same thing, I realized it was total bullshit. I have EVERY RIGHT to react in anger if he does something fucked up. It was his conflict avoidance that was the problem, NOT my reactions. He's got two things going on and they can be deadly for recovery.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6347 | Registered: Jan 2011
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just find his reasoning incredibly selfish.

Fwiw, my husband had a vasectomy during his first affair. He had sex with his AP before he had sex with me. Winner!!! That still stings.

Anyway, I ended up also having an ablation. So technically we are both fixed, bonus, I have no period and I avoided surgery. However, I had the assurance he never got an AP pregnant and believe me, AP2 wanted his love child.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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