was the harming due to the anticipation/stress? Meaning, now that you met them, will it be easier to go again over the holidays?
Yes and no. Yes the self harm was due to the stress of going in the plane and meeting them. In the past when going to see SO my pattern has been to self harm before going. Then shove down all the anxiety and stress of going into uncomfortable places while I'm there but then come home and having some kind of weird delayed reaction to being in stressful situations. And then I self harm.
I have a lot of work to do this week and I'm not feeling well so I don't think self harm is going to be an issue.
I will say this. Focusing on those kids helped so much. We went to the zoo which is semi triggery for me but I didn't think about it at all. I was too focused on hanging out with them and the two of them battling for my attention to even think about triggers.