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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: OW Contacted Me
momof1girl
♀ Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just out if the blue yesterday. She left one sentence, but it cut through me. I was so upset that I called WH immediately and read what she sent. He promised to talk with her about it immediately... But, I wish I had answered her the way I wanted, consequences or not. Her message basically implied that she made him happy and I hadn't.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013
khaleesi
♀ New Member
Member # 40919
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW contacted me as well just a few days ago. I think it was because she is unable to get ahold of WH anymore since he deleted his FB and changed his cell phone number. We actually discussed it in MC yesterday and she agreed that it sounds like OW is fishing for a way back into his life. I blocked her from contacting me again and WH agreed not to contact her in response to this.

Not responding to her very rude, disgusting message was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Every cell in my body screamed to tell her exactly what I thought of her, but that's what she wants I guess. After a day I decided to look at this as a good thing, confirmation that WH is not contacting her at all now.


Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 5:51 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((momof1girl)))

He promised to talk with her about it immediately

Your WH should most certainly NOT be talking to her ever again.
There should be no more contact with her, by either of you. Crickets.
Indifference is a very strong message.
Block her on whatever medium she contacted you on.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 5:52 AM, October 24th (Thursday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ive read your previous thread. Has your WH made a commitment to you, or is he sitting on the fence with OW in the wings? This is very, very difficult for you with him being away and you being with your Mum is this still the case and does she know?

Lay down some ground rules. If OW is still working with him, he is to go NC in every way possible. If he does have necessary contact or conversation with her, it is only about work, nothing else. No idle chit chat niceties. He is to write a letter to that effect.

Secondly, he is to be an open book and you should be able to contact him any time you want or need to. Any time. You should be more important than his job right now.

He should be with you physically as much as possible if you are not already under the same roof. Go over your finances and see whats available to cut back on.

Change your phone numbers. Both of you. In the NC letter he must tell her she is NOT to contact you either. That all attempts at contact will be recorded and he will apply for a restraining order if she doesnt stop. He tells her it is OVER, he loves his wife and family and is not going to jeopardise things any more than he already has done.

She is doing this to get a response from him. Don't give her the satisfaction that she has got to you.

Hugs
UKg


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3442 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
sailorgirl
♀ Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did the right thing. Don't validate OW with a response. You have class and dignity and are above her silly insults.

WH should not be responding either, in any way. Why would he communicate with a person who hurt your family so deeply? Ignore OW until she goes away. Block every avenue of connection. Protect your marriage from this immoral, weak, desperate person.

Is WH in counseling? He needs to fix the damage that allowed him to lie, deceive and break his vows.

As for what OW said, that's complete rubbish. If WH was truly unhappy, it was his job to do something about it! Each person is responsible for their own happiness. He could have given more to the marriage, taken up a new hobby, read books about how to be a more fulfilled person, gone to a therapist etc.

Instead, he threw away his integrity and values with a messed-up OW. He risked the most important people in his life and became an adulterer. Not exactly a recipe for happiness!


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Momof1girl)))

You can deactivate that account as well. You can always reactivate it later, when things settle down. You need to go dark from both of them except for the phone so he can call your daughter.

She got everything she wants, so why contact you? Because she is an F-ing bully. Unbelievable!!!! THIS is what will eventually make you mad. It will come, and it will be a GOOD thing.

Go dark. I know it's hard, but you must.


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why on earth is your WH going to talk to her??? He should be NC!!! She will get validation if he talks to her. No, no, no!


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC is not applicable in this case. WH and OP are together. OP is bullying Momof1girl.


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((momof1girl))

You need to go NC with both of them. Can you block her?

what a f*@king b#*ch!


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 578 | Registered: Mar 2003
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would file harrassment charges!

Go see a lawyer and file now!
You need to start painting her in the negative light so you can legally if possible keep her from being around your child!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3185 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly what heartache101 wrote. Exactly!

(((momof1girl))


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2114 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
momof1girl
♀ Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why can't things ever be resolved like they are on tv?


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013
angerisme
♀ Member
Member # 37672
Evil  Posted: 8:12 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning Mom...
I am going to send special prayers to the Gods of Revenge and Karma special for the idiot man and evil woman in your life...HOWEVER let me just say...I would not be too terribly surprised to learn that there is trouble in paradise :P Why else would the selfish cow attack you for no reason whatsoever? Think about it...remember laying in your lover's arms, filled with joy and satisfaction and dreams of the beautiful future together...and then suddenly..."OH WAIT HONEY! LET ME JUST SEND A LITTLE NOTE TO MAKE THIS MOMENT COMPLETE." NOT!!!

haha...I can guarantee you one thing...people ONLY target other people when they themselves are filled with dread and fear. I would be willing to bet there is more than ONE other woman...and OW1 is now getting a bitter taste of OW2....or....he is pining away for you and she knows it.

Enjoy the knowledge that SHE is miserable....and then set your sights on building yourself a great future! Maybe a new job or go to college...start a business...AND NEVER EVER EVER EVEN THINK ABOUT whats his name you used to trust before finding out he is a useless liar and evil manipulator.

KARMA IS AWESOME!!!


Posts: 172 | Registered: Dec 2012
momof1girl
♀ Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know her reason. I just know I was feeling somewhat good yesterday because I got a job that I interviewed for earlier in the day. I couldn't wait to get home and share the info, which was something in and of itself... that I wanted to get home quickly. I came home, grabbed the phone and noticed my FB notification blinking. I went to my computer and saw it was a message in my inbox... and it was her. Immediately, whatever buzz I had was gone. I don't know about trouble in paradise, honestly. I think she was rubbing my face in the fact that he's with her and she's there and I'm not. I'm thousands of miles away and not sure what I'm going to do. The original plan was to work and save up and move back home and our future was going to look brighter. I can't see beyond the black clouds to any kind of future.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because this ain't Hollywood and people get hurt in real life.

Mom, you shouldn't be talking to your WS if he is living with the OW. All you are doing is feeding the Drama Llamas.

Block both him and her. All inquiries go through a lawyer or are emailed so you have a record of what was said. And if I was you I'd save the email the OW sent you to start building a case against her for harassment.

How High Schoolish of her. What....is she 16?


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6456 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Momof1 what IS your situation? Are OW and WH together? Has WH finished the affair? Are you planning reconciliation? If so, does WH still work with OW? What are YOUR future plans?

And gold stars to you for getting the job!!! See? You CAN do it! Well done girl.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3442 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
momof1girl
♀ Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't even know the situation. He and I are still together, just I'm a few thousand miles away. He is also with her and she believes he left me completely for her... This is just one huge mess and leaving the marriage isn't easy. It's an international thing... long story.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013
sailorgirl
♀ Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not "together" if he is with her.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Exactly!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9415 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
momof1girl
♀ Member
Member # 41074
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not ready to be over and he says he isn't either... but I don't know anything anymore. All I know is I try to be normal for my child when she is here and when she isn't, I lie in bed all day and cry. I feel like this is beyond wounding, this is straight massacre. Her contacting me brought me right back to the bottom of the well.


D-Day: Oct. 1, 2013

Together 15 years, married 7, 1 child, age 7.

WH: 37 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 26, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 34, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013

Does a wedding anniversary still count if you are separated?


Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 36
Pages: 1 · 2

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