Let’s say you are in denial about being the carrier of this disease, you feel horrible and can’t face what you’ve done since it was *completely* avoidable, so you lie to me and to yourself about the situation to medicate yourself instead because you think if I don’t know the whole truth about the disease I’ll feel better. These lies are bacteria that kill my immunity system. Whether I find out the truth or not the lies are invisible toxins in the air entering my body making me weaker and weaker and chances of survival go down yet again. Would you keep on lying to save yourself at my expense?
The only “medicine” that can cure my “disease” is 100% truth, even if I would never find out, 100% transparency, and that means every single day, not just on the days you feel like it. It means being forthcoming with information regarding your interactions with her at work because every time you interact with her and don’t tell me it makes her stronger and me weaker. It means loving me through all of the vomiting and resentment and anger and gut wrenching sadness, all the feelings I feel about this “disease” that you gave me. It means putting your needs aside until I am well enough, it means carrying the burden because I am too sick to pitch in. It means doing the work to become an authentic person, it means earning back my trust, it means fixing yourself so you are no longer a carrier of this God awful disease. Would you do that? Would you give me my medicine every day? Or would you let me die a slow and painful death?
Conversations with h interrupted my thoughts of this. It is shocking that everytime it seems something is brewing in my mind, all I have to do is look here and someone else is having the same thoughts.
This is a great analogy, you saved me the work!
This is exactly what I was and am feeling.
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
attempted R, it was all a lie