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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Finding yourself again, living your life while Divorcing
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I talked my mom's ear off about my situation.

I went out with family and friends and reestablished a social life for myself.

I bought myself some new clothes and fabulous shoes (nothing too extravagant). Even a small purchase can be something special. XWH was always disapproving if I spent money on myself.

I recently joined a singing group; I haven't sung with a group in about seven years, so that has been lovely.

I go out and do things with my kids that XWH would have complained about. We have had some really fun outings without Donald Downer along.

When I got my own place, I decorated the bedroom in light, airy colors. My bedroom with XWH was so dark and masculine; my new bedroom is like a breath of fresh air. You might clip pictures out of magazines and save them for when you get your first new place; it will be fun to decorate however you want.

Yoga and meditation are great. I haven't done either in a while, but meditation especially really does help to calm my mind.

I hope you find something fun and uplifting to do. Even if you just take walks with your baby down to the local coffee shop and enjoy a great cup of coffee, establishing a new and fun or relaxing ritual really does help one to move on.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 3:21 PM, October 26th (Saturday)]

BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
♀ Member
Member # 32729
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I truly feel for you! I also had to move home with my parents during my divorce yet I did not have a new child. I can't even imagine. Living with my parents was helpful, yes, but in someways I found it hard to grieve the way I needed to, it was like I was being watched. In retrospect though, I'm so thankful I had them during that incredibly difficult time. It allowed me to grieve without worrying about little things - even grocery shopping. I could kind of be in 'lala' land so to speak. I'm sure you'll appreciate the help too that they will be able to provide for the baby.

So, what did i do... well, for starters, I accepted help from others. I was overwhelmed and humbled by the outpour of love and support from family, friends and even strangers. Accept it, it helps and makes you realize how special you are and how strong you are.

Another thing I did? I celebrated myself each month and had a 'goal'. Everyone told me the first year is the hardest and that each month things would get a bit better. My DDay was on the 31st, and I couldn't STAND the pain, I just wanted to feel better.

SO, I knew that this was a marathon not a sprint. So I marked the 31st of each month (or earlier on months that ended earlier) and I 'celebrated' getting through another month! Go me! One down, only 11 to go, 10, 9, etc. until I knew I would feel better again. And I gave myself ONE goal each month - like to either sell the car, or something simple like, read a book, all kinds of mini goals and then I 'celebrated' getting through another month with a mani/pedi, etc.

I also went for really long walks. Like, for hours. I would turn pandora on and walk for hours - it helped me to think through things. I also did some writing to get the 'gunk out' so to speak.

The thing is, now is a hard time, yes, but it's a chance to really just focus on you and be selfish. Truly. Get to know yourself again and love on you. And wrap yourself up in your daughter :)

Sometimes it really is about getting through the next minute, let alone the day or week. I wish I could make it easier for you but the only way out is through. By properly allowing yourself to grieve too you'll be better, healthier and happier in the long run.

Good luck, you can do it and we are all cheering you on!

Me: fBW 31
DDays: May 31 2011 & Aug 6 2011. Divorced November 14, 2011 (No Kids)

Posts: 282 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New York City
Topic Posts: 22
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