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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts-12
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fogged...before you confront again, you need to see a lawyer. Find out what all your options are, including what you can do if he files first. He may rather D than cooperate.

I finally read your profile. He's given you two STDs over the years. I think you know he has been unfaithful many times over the years. He's not going to confess to anything you don't have direct proof of, and he will deny and gaslight any proof you have. I don't hear anything of remorse, and it seems at best he is white-knuckling and worst he has gone underground from what you have shared here and in your profile.

I'm not saying you need to file right away. I'm saying you need to go back to the doc and fully test again, and go to a lawyer and discuss all the options ASAP. And you may need to consult a different kind of lawyer depending on what you find out about the computer forensics - if there is criminal activity there.

He's not going to come 100% clean this weekend. They literally never do in the beginning. So you need to decide what you are going to do when he doesn't. And quite honestly you can't make the best decision on that without consulting the doc and the lawyer. And quite honestly you need a IC, a trauma specialst or a CSAT, for you ASAP as well. This is a serious shit storm you are going through.

Good luck.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Jun 2011
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone, when I hacked into his old secret gmail account (after he thought he shut it down), it was set up to send the password reset to his regular email. So I got into that, reset the password, and immediately deleted the email trail in his regular email. When you request to reset it, it should tell you if there is a backup email or a phone it is going to, and give you a bit of a hint if it is an email or phone you are familiar with.

I do not have clue one how to jailbreak a phone, but does he sync it to a computer you can access at all? Because if he does, there are some files that contain some info there as far as texting and pix. Does he not let you see his phone at all now, because that is a huge red flag.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Jun 2011
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had my WH take the SARA from a website provided here last night. He scored an 11 (said sex addicts scored a 6+). He also admitted he did in fact believe he was a sex addict but was ashamed to admit it before. He's willing to meet with a CSAT, so I guess that's a step in the right direction? He took the test in front of me so I'm not sure if he held anything back in any of the questions but the fog of denial lifted a bit. Is it strange that knowing this now gives me some peace? Things seem to make more sense and I'm no longer worried about all the details or things I have not discovered. I feel like once he gets in therapy and further out of denial things will surface on their own time. I'm looking at it more as you view an alcoholic, not to excuse past behaviors but more so those things were out of character due to his addiction. Gives me a little hope things can get better. I may be deluding myself, I don't know.

So where do I go from here?

Oh, funny thing. When I asked WH if he was willing to attend a 12 step program he said he didn't think it would be a good idea. I asked why and he replied, "because things could potentially happen if I hang out with a bunch of people who are preoccupied with sex." Sort of made me laugh! Thought process of a man with sex on the brain I guess...


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My opinion is that CSAT and a 12step program should be the conditions of reconciliation. And he needs to WORK the program, with a sponsor, not merely attend meetings.

I'm dealing with two addicts in my life right now. AA is making all the difference in the world to my son and SA is keeping my SAFWH positive and sober. The real reason

they don't want to go is embarrassment, shame and fear.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
FoggedIn
♀ Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hath

I'm going to have a difficult time not confronting this weekend once I receive the info from his hard drive (I know myself well enough).

I have been thinking about consulting an attorney. I did some research on laws in my state, just so I am aware of property division. I have already backed up our financial data so that if he tries to 'rearrange' things at least I have details as of now. We do have several accounts in different locations (retirement, investments etc. He handles finances & is OCD about $$$$. I've said to him on more than one occasion he'd care more about financial infidelity than he would marital infidelity, & it's the truth! Money is king in his world!)

I guess I could get tested again, although I haven't had any symptoms of anything odd, other than serious HSV outbreaks. Due to stress I'm sure. Then again we haven't had much sex in the last 2 months either. We did have HB quite a bit in the first month and a half, but when he quickly turned the corner from remorse to get the hell over it, I quickly turned the corner from wanting to be near him to get the F off of me!

Probably criminal activity. Prostitution is illegal in most states! Just not sure how far I want to take that. Plus he has a thing for females half his age, just not sure if that also means girls under 18! Lord I pray not, we have kids older than that!


D-Day 1 8/9/13 :: Discovered make-up on hotel sheets
Real D-day 8/10/13 :: Confirmed by his emails, he admitted when caught red handed
9/18/13 :: Finally answered questions, got truths to many details he lied about
D-Day 2 - 12/28/13 :: Confronted

Posts: 163 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Scaredycat- I will make both a requirement. Sheesh I found imlive on the phone today! So another lie. Once they start treatment are they typically better in the honesty department? My goodness I have given him every opportunity to come clean...I told him last night he can tell me anything and I won't hold it against him. I just want to know!!!


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like every other aspect of sobriety, the honesty also takes time. My SAFWH continued to lie about small things for a long time. He also continued to be defensive for a long time about many issues. As I've said, it's a LONG journey. These guys are habitual liars, accustomed to having a secrets, living a secret life, allowing no one into their private thoughts.

The first step is sobriety and the necessary abstinence to defog his brain. This is not dissimilar to what drug and alcohol addicts gonthrough, complete with withdrawal symptoms....


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
FoggedIn
♀ Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Scaredy

What did it take to initially 'break' the seal for your SAFWH?

If my WH is too 'embarrassed' to even admit to his wife (years ago even, way before all this mess even came out) that he masturbates (seriously who doesn't), how in the world is he ever going to shoot straight with me about the deep dark crap??

FI


D-Day 1 8/9/13 :: Discovered make-up on hotel sheets
Real D-day 8/10/13 :: Confirmed by his emails, he admitted when caught red handed
9/18/13 :: Finally answered questions, got truths to many details he lied about
D-Day 2 - 12/28/13 :: Confronted

Posts: 163 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IDK. To tell the truth. He's never really told me specifics about many things. I believe he's told his CSAT, his group, his sponsors, and most importantly himself. I don't have to know things that are "private." And that's a distinct between secrets. I know he began masturbating as a child to escape stress. It took him a while to feel safe in his group, and there was an element of "well at least I never did THAT," but eventually he came to understand that one addict is like another .Then the challenge is not to get lost in the shame.

Sometimes the impetus to change is the rock bottom. Unfortunately, it takes the arrest, the public disgrace, the std, the job loss directly related, something... My son, an alcoholic was sober for 19 mos, had a slip that resulted in s DWI (on a skateboard!) He's back in his program, and this time, because rock bottom is depending on us for rides, attending rehab again, 90/90 meetings and substantial $. This time he just may get it. Sex addicts aren't any different from other addicts, but the substance is different,

My SAFWH has met men who HAVE lost everything, family, jobs, businesses, liberty, in his 12step meetings. He has seen men who are old and dying all alone because of past mistakes. He got close with one guy only to hear that he had poured gasoline on himself one day and struck a match. Sex addiction is deadly.

There were a number of times that I drew a line in the sand, told him he was NOT working the program, despite being sober, accountable, and transparent. I insisted he step it up, more meeting attendance, specific step work, etc. He needed the kick in the ass, but I came to understand that he really couldn't work the program much faster than he was. He couldn't assimilate the concepts, change a lifetime of wrong thinking in a short period of time.
My SAFWH is EXTREMELY intelligent, but has bipolar disorder, shows traits of asperger's, in that he has a hard time with innuendo and nuance, and sees everything in black and white. Much of the program literature talks in analogy, and that is hard on him. He also is a scientist and struggled forever with the concept of a higher power...Finally, the concept of powerlessness, was amazingly difficult for him to do. He kept saying, " you watch me, I'll do this!" That arrogance is self destructive. Frankly, given his lifelong pattern of never completely anything, I never thought he'd stick with this either. He has. Although he still doesn't do it my way...

This journey is LONG. YOU cannot do it for him. But you can do your own step work. Just don't get hung up on the idea that you are codependent. You may be, you may not be, doesn't matter. The 12 steps are a great way to live a healthy life, whether addiction touched you or not.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Autumn22
♀ New Member
Member # 41810
Default  Posted: 1:52 AM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi. As the wife of a newly diagnosed (5/13) SA, I thought I'd make my first post here. It's late and I don't have the energy to share the whole sordid tale tonight, but I am feeling just brave enough to break the ice and say hello. So very much wishing to find fellowship and support, and maybe even provide some commiseration and support as well.


Me: BW 44
Him: PA/SA newly in recovery 41
Married in 2000
D-Day: Too many to recall, but the camel's back broke in April 2013

Posts: 22 | Registered: Dec 2013
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have completely copied WH's entire hard drive and taken it to a 3rd party to have it investigated. I just got a message that I will have "an extensive report" back tomorrow and he thinks he's found what I was looking for. I have to say I was hoping he'd say he found nothing!

Fogged, I hope you got all the answers you needed.

I am on the verge of sending the computer away for analysis. I am divorced but since the divorce I have discovered more info about my ex (for example an AFF account) and I want more information about his lifestyle because we have a child visitation issues.

Has anyone experience if this? I will also post in IT

I know my ex did his best to wipe that computer clean. Is it really true that nothing is ever deleted?


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
FoggedIn
♀ Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jemimapd

Correct, it's never really deleted unless he truly wiped his hard drive & I highly doubt he did. If you send his actual hard drive for investigation or make a full image of it (which usually takes less than an hour, which is what I did & he has no idea) and take the HD image to an expert they can find just about anything. So unless your xWH is a highly skilled computer nerd, it's likely all still there.


D-Day 1 8/9/13 :: Discovered make-up on hotel sheets
Real D-day 8/10/13 :: Confirmed by his emails, he admitted when caught red handed
9/18/13 :: Finally answered questions, got truths to many details he lied about
D-Day 2 - 12/28/13 :: Confronted

Posts: 163 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
FoggedIn
♀ Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Autumn
Welcome.... I'm sorry you find yourself here :( You will find a lot of support and strength from the veterans on this page! I'm am not yet at that stage, but wanted to take a moment to send some strength and love your way!

((((((Autumn)))))


D-Day 1 8/9/13 :: Discovered make-up on hotel sheets
Real D-day 8/10/13 :: Confirmed by his emails, he admitted when caught red handed
9/18/13 :: Finally answered questions, got truths to many details he lied about
D-Day 2 - 12/28/13 :: Confronted

Posts: 163 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Fogged. That gives me hope. I would be interested on the feedback you get on your report. I wonder how in earth they summarize everything that is in a hard drive or whether they focus on certain areas. Again, I hope the report moves you forward.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Nellie2
♀ New Member
Member # 41930
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone. I have been reading on and off for a couple of years (and followed Hath's story in particular - "hi hath!") but it's time I come out and introduce myself, I am Nellie and my husband is a sex addict.

I knew when we got married 13 years ago he looked at porn, but I figured that was fairly normal. There were many warning signs, and partial disclosures when caught over that time. Always swearing THIS time I knew everything and this time he was a changed man. I always caught him at this point, he had never voluntarily come to me and confessed.

In August 2011 he confessed that he had been lying for our entire marriage. That he had been visiting strip clubs, peep shows, massage parlors and prostitutes. I was devastated but he voluntarily told me all this (was not caught in any way) and I had no way of knowing it so I had hope. Hope that he was broken and at rock bottom and that finally we could move forward. It was at this time that I found this website and found great comfort in following your journeys and feeling less alone even though I never posted. He did seek counselling with a CSAT, and my DH had support and accountability with a group of recovering sex addicts (though it was not SA).

I have had suspicions for a little while. About 2 months ago I again confronted him and asked him. He admitted he had been masturbating and lying for the last 12 months but swore it was nothing else. About 4 weeks ago I caught him looking at porn. He admitted he had been regularly viewing porn and listening to erotic podcasts (who knew that these existed) and masturbating but swore that was it nothing else. Today he admitted he had visited a prostitute 18 months ago and had been viewing porn and masturbating then too, but wait for it he swears it was just the one time and there is nothing else.

Shockingly I don't believe him. It's awful this staggered disclosure stage. He is not following any of the things his CSAT says though we have been pouring money into this for 2 blooming years. He says all the right things but it's all just talk and lies. I feel dissappointed in the CSAT and will be hoping to meet with him to discuss this next week.

But mostly I am just terribly sad and without hope. Last time I had the hope that this was a new start for us. This time I have none. I married so young (19) to escape an abusive homelife with the misguided fantasy that i could build a new healthy life and the family i always dreamed of, instead i have swapped one toxic environment for another. Whats worse is that I have bought 3 precious children into the world with him (all before the 2011 disclosure so at that stage I didn't know the extent of things) whose lives are tremendously damaged by all this, and without something happening are at a ridiculously high risk of doing exactly what i did.

I have never worked, never completed any degrees. How can I now find work to support my family when I am 32 with no experience or qualifications.

I am not decided on leaving. I can't bear the thought of it even now. I am codependant and stuck in this cycle. Anyone else I would be saying "leave, leave now" but here I am. Damaging my children. Damaging myself and I feel unable to change. Maybe I should have introduced myself as "hi, I am Nellie and I am a codependant".

Nice to finally meet you and join in.

Nellie x


Posts: 2 | Registered: Jan 2014
marlie2014
♀ Member
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello, Nellie. I recommend you read the books recommended on page 1 of this thread. They helped me a lot.

((hugs))

One of the hardest things for us is to admit the truth...because it feels shameful and degrading. I was ashamed to admit that I did not want to leave my husband at first.

I still absolutely hate the idea of being single. But I know his moving out was the best thing that could have happened, and I will feel even better once we're actually divorced. At least then he won't be able to keep coming around hoping we'll reconcile.

We're here for you. This is a great group.


BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over a 5-year period, at least twenty
1 OC and another on the way
Filed for divorce!

Posts: 153 | Registered: Oct 2013
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nellie, welcome. I will tell you what I did in your situation, and tell you you are NOT too old to make a fresh start. As a matter of fact, if I had known what was going on as a younger wife, I would have been out the door. And I would never raise kids around an active addict of any kind.
You have a bit of a head start. He has admitted to the addiction, found a CSAT, and is in a program. Not working it, but is at least aware of the 12 steps. You now need to do your part.

Boundaries. I said I would not tolerate ANY acting out. I would file. You need to set whatever boundaries you feel are appropriate from here on out. I insisted on 2 meetings a week, regular CSAT appts, at which I attended once a month, I insisted he get a sponsor and keep me apprised of his progress. He had NO independent access to money. If he wanted to go to a strip club he'd have to jump through hoops, and then I'd know immediately, and I would file. I checked his phone and email, computer for any sign of slips. I didn't do it often, but he knew I would. He set up a passive GPS system that would alert me when he departed and arrived at set locations to account for his whereabouts at all times.
On the occasions of his slips with porn, he had to follow up with CSAT, sponsor, and tell me what he would do the next time INSTEAD. And he slept on the couch.

You have no control over him. You do have control over what you will and will not tolerate. Please get to a Sanon or Cosa group. They will help you figure out your own boundaries.

And seriously consider the damage it's doing having your kids in that environment.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Nellie2
♀ New Member
Member # 41930
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Marlie and Scaredycat. The thing is my non negotiable boundary is if he acts out sexually and lies about it. He has had many many opportunities to confess about the prostitution but he didn't. And I feel in my gut that he is still lying.

I feel if I don't separate now I am enabling him because he will know that I will just forgive him and I won't follow through. But at the same time I am scared for him. In 2011 he chose to tell our friends of his sexual acting out and he has a group of guy friends from our church who have supported him. If they find out he has been at it again I worry he will loose his friends. I worry how he will cope if we leave. I worry about him becoming depressed and suicidal and none of us able to rebuild our life if we reconcile.

A big part of me wants to sweep it under the carpet and give him one more chance.

I know, I know, what I am saying and doing. I know what I would tell someone else. But I feel paralyzed by fear for him. And fear for me in that if I go that does mark the end of the dream I had for my life.


Posts: 2 | Registered: Jan 2014
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you. But you know he'll use whether or not you are in the picture or not! That's the nature of addiction. And make no mistake, this is an addiction that will ultimately lead to death.

In February 2012, I threw my DS out. Told him he could no longer live with me as an active alcoholic. I was scared out of my mind. Pictured him on the street, dead, etc. Long story short, he did get fired from an amazing job, still isn't working, had one relapse after initially being sober for 19 mos, he's sober again, finishing another rehab program and about to go back to work. He's happier, healthier than I have ever seen him. Had I not thrown him out, I know he would still be drinking, and god forbid, possibly have killed someone, having been impaired on the job.

It was the hardest thing I ever did.

Your being there HAS NOT kept him from acting out. The only thing that will is his choice to be sober and work an program and EACH DAY to do the next right thing.

You have to put yourself and your kids FIRST. Living under the strain of this is not.

I understand your love for him, your desire to protect him from himself. It is not working, and it's actually enabling him. And it's harming you.

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 3:17 PM, January 12th (Sunday)]


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the newcomers. I post here sometimes even though my X might just be a sociopath instead of a sex addict. He never had any remorse that I could tell, so I do wonder. I know he's definitely an alcoholic, though.

I just realized today that it's four years since the first DDay for me. I went through a long period of trickle-truth and extreme denial (and too much optimism) on my part while he continued to cheat with prostitutes, and then a messy divorce. I'm happier now than I've been in many years. I must say that the happiness began pretty much as soon as I got him out of the house, even though he made the divorce miserable and stressful.

I found work at a menial job, but it helps. I still take things one day at a time, not worrying about tomorrow's problems.

I just wanted to offer up hugs and hope that things can eventually be ever so much better. And also, when struggling about what to do about divorce with children, just know that there really are no good answers. In my case, it would have been very dangerous (due to drinking and driving) for my children to have been alone with my X 50% of the time, and it's likely that would have happened. I didn't know about his sex life outside the marriage until my children were almost grown. I am not certain what the best course of action would have been. I tried to be a buffer between them and X. That means we weren't a healthy family, but at least they spent more time with me, and way less time alone with him. I just think there's no real good scenario once you have children and a sex addict. You just have to do the best you can. Learn as much as you can and try to get to be the healthiest you can. I was told early on that I couldn't "fix" this for my children...that the best thing I could do was model healthy recovery for them. So that's my goal. And it's great because it helps me as well.

Again, big hugs! Breathe! And take care of yourself as best you can.


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