(Hypothetically that is - I'm not saying to not give him the chance to do right)
It helps that I know he wouldn't stay in contact with her to deliberately hurt me. It's not about me at all. I know that doesn't make it okay, but it's not on the same level as purposeful emotional abuse. And all I want, all I've ever wanted, is for him to be happy. That's why I let this "friendship" go on so long in the first place.
I know that I have a problem with sacrificing my own needs for other people, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to change how I feel.
"Are you hurting the one you love?
You said you got to heaven, but it wasn't enough."
Are you afraid that you don't deserve better than this current situation?
Right now, the idea of having him gone from my life sounds about 10000000000000000x worse than having him around, but still talking to her. Is that sick? Maybe. But that's just how I feel.
But, I recommend you get the book Not Just Friends, stat. It really helped defog my H. On & closely after dday he was confused by the "feelings" he was having for OW, and felt like he was giving up something special.
Well guess what, those feelings pass, and he will likely wake up to reality. You be a rock, and believe in your self worth. Read the book with him. There is a lot of learning to do, but this is doable!
[This message edited by bionicgal at 11:04 PM, October 27th (Sunday)]
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA/then PA
In MC & Reconciling
I edit, therefore I am.
Not sure when/how to share this with him, but I feel a little more prepared now for our next therapy session. Tomorrow I swing by the library to pick up a bunch of books, including Not Just Friends. Hoping that will help a lot too.
Em, your cheating spouse DID NOT make a mistake. A mistake is putting on one black sock and one blue sock or turning left when you should have turned right.
Your WS made the deliberate CHOICE to have sex with someone other than you, his wife. They PLANNED it. Nobody forced them to take their clothes off and "insert tab A into slot B". And they did it multiple times. And the worst thing is they probably played the martyr to each other talking about how horribly you would be hurt if you ever found out. But that never stopped them because they are selfish people.
Em, you are 26 years old and these two people treated you like crap and basically told you that you didn't matter.
And now your cheating spouse is playing the martyr again and making you feel horrible because you burst his magical affair bubble.
And the worst part is....he has zero respect for you.
Em, if there are no kids in the mix think long and hard as to whether you want to stay with a person who does not respect you.
My FWS had 14 affairs and his last one was a carbon copy of your situation. And that OW knows better than to show her face around me because I was NOT nice, NOT empathic about her feelings, and called her what she was.
Girl...get angry. Don't try to sweep this under the rug. You deserve a better life.
Mods....I'm backing out of this thread. It hit too close to home and I don't want to see her repeat my life.
Good luck Em.
He said they can still be friends.....that's a load of garbage.
WH keeps saying "my IC said you (BS) will never trust me again." And he says " My IC says OW will never trust me again" ..If they are "just friends" what is that trust he is talking about? what a load of crap....