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Newest Member: 4hazel (45322)

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User Topic: Plans getting all twisted into chores
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, October 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ever try to make plans with someone and then feel wrangled into doing way more than you intended? This seems to be a trend lately and Iím inclined to just hibernate for 6 months.

Posts: 3441 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
♀ Member
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ask more questions during the "planning" stage....set a time limit on the amount of time you have to "help", and be honest with your friends that you are not able/available to be wrangled into more than what you originally committed to....HUGS

You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4845 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a sister like this. One minute we have plans to go to lunch. The next thing I know all kinds of errands are added in, and suddenly what should have been just an hour is a grand plan for half the day and includes work clothes and the need to take a shower after.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9815 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boundaries! I answer invites by honestly stating what I'm up for and what I am not. "I could run to the bank and lunch, if we're back by 2:00 -- but I really am not up for all day, or running a bunch of errands. I just don't have it in me - or - I need to do this or that at home...."

So if you are inviting: Hey want to go for a quick lunch? I have 2 hours open on Sat.

Takes some practice with the persistent, and I'm sure my friend feels it is a bit rude of me. But I'm not going to spend what little free time I have running someone else's errands, so I state the boundaries of my willingness up front.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can always count on you guys for good ideas

It seems I've been much too open and flexible in establishing plans which makes it really difficult to reign that back in once I realize I'm over-committing.

Thankfully the stress inducing plans fell through this past weekend. I'll try to be better about it going forward.

Posts: 3441 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Topic Posts: 5

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