Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: decievedmom (44722)

The Book Club Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Library anxiety
embee
♀ Member
Member # 41100
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, October 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, this might be silly, and sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place. But I'm trying to cut back on my spending lately, so I'm getting as many books as I can from the library. Lots of recommendations from here. While some of them are sort of innocuous sounding, a lot of them make it REALLY obvious that they're about marital infidelity. I go to a small town library, in a place where I just moved - now all the librarians are going to know. :(

Am I insane for even thinking about this? It's not like they "know" me, or I know them...I just see them when I check out a book. But now I'm feeling like I should cancel all my hold requests. It feels like airing my dirty laundry.

Did anyone else experience something similar, or am I a total nutbar?


Me: BS, 26
Him: WH, 28
D-Day: 10/23/13
Separated

"Are you hurting the one you love?
You said you got to heaven, but it wasn't enough."


Posts: 57 | Registered: Oct 2013
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do they possibly have self check-out? I know my library does? Also, many libraries nowadays have agreements with other nearby libraries that let you check out from other libraries...so if that's an option, you could go a town or two over where no one knows you....


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.

Posts: 2036 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do understand what you're feeling, but I'm sure they've seen everything. For all they know, you could be doing research for a class


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 36961 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
embee
♀ Member
Member # 41100
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heh, yeah, I thought about telling them it's research. They should have a notes section when you request a hold. "I'm getting these for a friend!"

I think in a way I NEED to do this, just to get over it. My library doesn't have self check out, and even if they did, holds are always behind the counter. SOMEONE'S going to know what's up. More than anything I think I was nervous about what WH's reaction would be. We always go to the library together. But, I told him I requested a bunch of books and while he seemed a little taken aback, I think he felt he couldn't really say anything... and he's 100% right!


Me: BS, 26
Him: WH, 28
D-Day: 10/23/13
Separated

"Are you hurting the one you love?
You said you got to heaven, but it wasn't enough."


Posts: 57 | Registered: Oct 2013
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

embee, another option is if you have an ereader or tablet or laptop you could download them from home . Our library has a pretty extensive list of materials we can borrow online. I don't even have to set foot in the building



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44451 | Registered: Sep 2006
embee
♀ Member
Member # 41100
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately my library's ebook catalog is REALLY lacking. Much better than where I used to live, but they are still missing a lot. I almost bought them all on Kindle for the privacy alone, lol. But they're all $10-12 each and that's just not a smart decision for me right now. Blergh.


Me: BS, 26
Him: WH, 28
D-Day: 10/23/13
Separated

"Are you hurting the one you love?
You said you got to heaven, but it wasn't enough."


Posts: 57 | Registered: Oct 2013
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd send WH to pick up the books for you.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3555 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
RedRose
♀ Member
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I work in a library. We are a small town, but so many books come through, we don't pay a lot of attention to who is getting what. Also, there are privacy laws, so we can't discuss what patrons check out with anyone else.

That being said, I would probably pick them up at a nearby library :)


BW-35
WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 159 | Registered: Jun 2013
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where I live, I am able to use libraries in nearby counties. Do you have that option? It might be worth a few minute drive to be anonymous.

Posts: 5617 | Registered: Jul 2002
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where I live, I am able to use libraries in nearby counties. Do you have that option? It might be worth a few minute drive to be anonymous.
That's what I'm saying. Most libraries nowadays have agreements in place that allow their users to go to another (nearby) library and check out books. I don't know if that differs in places where the library is operated by the city/town/village, but here in Illinois many of our library districts share computer catalog services.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.

Posts: 2036 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
embee
♀ Member
Member # 41100
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I would have had the option of going to another branch, but I already requested the one that's close to me as the pickup spot. At the time, it didn't occur to me, especially because I don't actually know where any of those other branches are, being so new to the area.

I guess I'm more worried about my feelings not being insane than the actual process of picking up the books. I am sure I will survive, it just feels weird. But I also feel like I shouldn't have to jump through hoops to cover up something HE did, which I guess is why I haven't cancelled the holds or changed them.

RedRose, that is really interesting about the confidentiality. I had NO idea there was any such thing! Not that I'm worried any one person in particular will "find out," just someone looking me in the face and wondering what happened...even going to a different branch wouldn't solve that, actually, now that I think of it.

Thanks for the sanity check, all. I'm having a lot of weird thoughts lately.


Me: BS, 26
Him: WH, 28
D-Day: 10/23/13
Separated

"Are you hurting the one you love?
You said you got to heaven, but it wasn't enough."


Posts: 57 | Registered: Oct 2013
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If the librarians don't know you personally outside of the library, I don't think it would even register.

That being said, e-libraries are amazing. I'd go to the bigger library to get a card just so you can have access to a larger e-library.


Posts: 3343 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you just take the books off the shelf and read them at the library?

I bought all my infidelity books online, too. I never faced a bookseller or librarian.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9991 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
mainlyinpain
♀ Member
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like Purple Rose's idea of having WH pick them up. Maybe throw in a few more really embarrassing books, heh heh.

And then have him go buy you tampons.

And then....

Sorry...I can understand your thoughts, I would be too uncomfortable to get them at the library. I even keep the books I have on my shelf turned around so the title doesn't face out in case some random person in my home would see them.

So know, you are not insane or else you are not the only one.


DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 485 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 14

Return to Forum: The Book Club Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.