Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.
I tried to confront at the EA and was told the "just friends" crap. Even sent him articles on EA's. It took him 4 months from EA to PA. That is PA in bed...no doubt petting and fondling occurred before that.
I think EA's are as damaging as a PA...so I do not believe "only" EA is appropriate. Betrayal is hurtful regardless.
so...in my op, most EA do turn PA, and if it doesn't, both partners had the intention of turning it PA at some point.
"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
I am just now fully comprehending this devastation since for over a year I kept trying to rationalize for downplay the devastation this has caused us. I was so busy trying to find proof of a PA, I hadn't let myself heal from what I KNEW happened. :(
supposedly I am supposed to feel better that WH didn't sleep with her.
According to whom? So it's fine for a spouse to fall in love with another person? To tell them intimate details of YOUR marriage? To turn to them for support, and be there for them for support, while you languish alone and confused, wondering what happened to your spouse and your marriage?
No, you shouldn't feel better because they didn't consummate the affair. You should feel pain because your WH found another love without letting you know that you had been replaced.
My H had an EA. A former very serious boyfriend (lived together, etc) had a ONS.
I would give anything for my H to have had a ONS instead of an EA. Anything.
Don't let your H downplay his actions or your pain. EAs hurt. They are very damaging to the relationship, and to the esteem of the BS. The fact that they didn't get naked together (if they didn't) is not the issue, and it doesn't lessen your heartbreak.
I've been through this twice.... long story short... I found out about the first EA (suspected) years after we were married though it happened when we were engaged. That one turned PA and it devastated me... but I had little kids and rug swept big.
Then almost 4 years ago now he had another EA.... that one brought it all back from before.... It almost killed me... I am pretty sure that due to time, distance, etc. that this one was not a PA... though I really think the OW was angling for that... she needed a baby daddy for all her kids by other guys.
Sometimes they are just EA's but if they go on long enough I think 99% eventually go PA. The sexual tension and flirting build and it leads to that sooner or later
OW started working with him around Feb 2011 ( they sat next to each other all day at work). They were very friendly & he complained to her that I was always angry at him ( I wonder why? Maybe I had a good reason to be. Maybe because he was NEVER home!) End of March 2011 he went away on a trip "with the the guys" & she started texting him that she missed him. The texts/calls escalated until the beginning of May 2011, when she supposedly "threw herself on him, stating 'I have such a crush on you, why don't I be your mistress?'" They were together physically at least 4-5 times, but he states they only had actual intercourse once. I have trouble believing that. Eight days after she threw herself on him, I found out, & asked him to leave. We were separated for 5 mos, because he would not stop contact. However, he states they were never physically together again, altho I caught them eating lunch together more than once. So to me, the EA was around 9 mos long. Am not sure about the PA.
I got WH to join this site, & he started 1 thread, in which he stated that his A was only a few days long. He refuses to admit that the build up & petering out part extended it. He felt "beat up " by the Waywards here who called him on his bullsh*t, & has never come back.
[This message edited by mchercheur at 8:37 PM, October 26th (Saturday)]
[This message edited by AML04 at 1:47 PM, October 27th (Sunday)]