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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Having a bad day
cannibal
♂ Member
Member # 40560
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me start out by saying I think I decided to R way too early. I didn't wait find out the truth and I don't feel like I have got the total truth yet. That said dday I kicked her and our son out to live with her parents. That's what she wanted so she could continue the A. I was broken, lost, and allowed her to string me along for the 3 months we were split. I didn't find si until a month after I moved her back in. I eventually asked her to come back. Her mom's is a bad scene and I was lonely and missing her and my dss, but I as I mentioned I did this w/o total truth upon her return I demanded total transparancy and found out some truth that was withheld. I confronted her and she did little more than to confirm what I found. The next day there was a break in no contact. 2 e-mails exchanged I never seen them just a log of activity she was unable to erase. It didn't tell direction just the fact there was 2 exchanged. It had been a few days when I found them, I immediatly confronted her. Woke her up from midsleep. I almost kicked her back out, but I didn't. She told me that he had sent her the messages, but she deleted them w/o reading them. The timing and everything I know this to be a lie, but I don't know what consequences to throw at her. I don't want to kick her back out to her mom's and I don't know what else I could do. This was in July.
Flash forward back to today. There have been other things I remember but when I confront her about them she denies them. A prior addmitance to an A. That I rug swept when she said it was over. Her coming home late from work at times when she said the affair wasn't going on. Before I knew his identity she had told me it was someone from her past. Now I still have no trust and it seems pointless to confront her about these things because she will only continue to deny them. It weighs so heavy on me I'm unable to make love to her and again I unsure what kind of consequences I should set to try and get the truth out of her. I guess I'm just looking for some sort of consequences I could put out there to try and get the truth out of her? I feel until I get truth I won't be able to have trust. She currently is looking for a job, taking care of the house, and cooking. These are all things that I could do on my own, but I leave them for her to do. I work 3rd shift on one job 5 days a week and another job 2nd shift 3 or 4 days a week. I really want to do some mc but finaces at the time don't permit such things.


Me: BF 35 Her: FWF 35 dss: 17
D-day: 06/06/04. Ons
D-day: 02/28/13. length of A: 4+ months
Seperation after dday
Moved back in 6/20/13
Broke n/c: 07/24/13
Together since: 02/05/02

Posts: 89 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: cannibal
cannibal
♂ Member
Member # 40560
Default  Posted: 2:18 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it would help or you just want more back ground about us. I had wrote a poem describing our relationship. It paints her in a brighter light than reality and doesn't talk about all her trespasses against the relationship nor does it highlight all the good, but I think it encompasses much if us. One more note about it at the time of writing it I thought the om was a ow.


Me: BF 35 Her: FWF 35 dss: 17
D-day: 06/06/04. Ons
D-day: 02/28/13. length of A: 4+ months
Seperation after dday
Moved back in 6/20/13
Broke n/c: 07/24/13
Together since: 02/05/02

Posts: 89 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: cannibal
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On DDay I was so naive to think that just by telling WH calmly that he MUST spill it all right then and there that he actually would???!!!
Yeah well that didn't work out as planned. He came up with a ridiculous lie until 2 weeks later when I discovered more truth. Then it was months before he admitted what he says is the whole truth. So, I am not sure about consequences for being truthful?
I can confirm to you that is a process, a very long crazy journey that doesn't make much sense at first. Sounds like you are dealing with so much and I am sorry for your struggles!
I do hope you somehow find a way to MC or IC, it can help. Is there employee assistance through your work? Something in the community, religious groups or schools? Sometimes there are free support groups that you might find through an information line.
Hang in there! Please take care


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
cannibal
♂ Member
Member # 40560
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The poem is in my profile.


Me: BF 35 Her: FWF 35 dss: 17
D-day: 06/06/04. Ons
D-day: 02/28/13. length of A: 4+ months
Seperation after dday
Moved back in 6/20/13
Broke n/c: 07/24/13
Together since: 02/05/02

Posts: 89 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: cannibal
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 2:43 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! Very soulful and insightful.
You deserve and need the truth.
Sending you strength!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
cannibal
♂ Member
Member # 40560
Default  Posted: 2:47 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will check into free counciling. I don't know if work offers anything. They might it's a fortune 500 company. The fact we are unwed might affect that.


Me: BF 35 Her: FWF 35 dss: 17
D-day: 06/06/04. Ons
D-day: 02/28/13. length of A: 4+ months
Seperation after dday
Moved back in 6/20/13
Broke n/c: 07/24/13
Together since: 02/05/02

Posts: 89 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: cannibal
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 2:53 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that it won't matter if you are married or not, they usually just have a list of counselors you can call yourself. The HR person can give it to you, no questions asked!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
cannibal
♂ Member
Member # 40560
Default  Posted: 2:59 AM, October 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the help and the compliment. I will check into the HR department. Unfortunately it has moved to an online only thing and I've found I have trouble navigating it. I really miss being able to talk to people. It was so much more personable and they were always so well informed.


Me: BF 35 Her: FWF 35 dss: 17
D-day: 06/06/04. Ons
D-day: 02/28/13. length of A: 4+ months
Seperation after dday
Moved back in 6/20/13
Broke n/c: 07/24/13
Together since: 02/05/02

Posts: 89 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: cannibal
Topic Posts: 8

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