We've talked some this week with no resolution. He reached out mid-week to tell me that I shouldn't worry about the money, that he'd find a way to pay me back. So I told him how I felt. That I can't handle his anger - esp directed at me - and don't want to.
He understands that when he directs it at me, it's not really anger and it's not me. It's his own frustrations and own fears. His own not wanting to be a burden on me. Not wanting to make me the primary earner. And you know, I get all that. What guy would really be okay with that?
But that doesn't change what happened. Nor the fact that he didn't come this weekend. Nor does it change the core issues, his insecurities, his lack of money and his health issues that mean major surgery in the future.
We've plans to talk this weekend. I told him that my feelings haven't changed. They are all there. But that I'm exhausted from the rest of it and I know he is too. My hope is that I can stick to my guns this weekend and follow through and make the break up real. Or at least make it a break. I want him to do what he needs to do to be ok, and only after he's done it, come find me.
This comes at such a typically bad time. Holidays coming and I have no plans. And even better, next week I get a big list of all my future post options and I have to pick what options I want and submit them and then cross my fingers. It's a roll of the dice. One that I thought I'd be making in a relationship, making it kind of fun and exciting, but instead, it's just scary as fuck.
You don't have to give up hope for him if you don't want, but put him on the back burner.
Sweetie, you have to take him out of the equation entirely. Make your choices based on postings that you want. Plan for YOUR future.
Make yourself your priority. If you let yourself be anything less, than other people pick up on that, and treat you that way.
Stick to your boundaries. You can do this. ((cayc))
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
You need to live your life. His core anger issues are not going to go away- they are still there as unexploded napalm.
You can't move on in you life if you're still trying to maintain some connection to the past.
I want him to do what he needs to do to be ok, and only after he's done it, come find me.
My hope is that I can stick to my guns this weekend and follow through and make the break up real.
But yes HappyInNY I agree. I don't have to do anything re (x)SO except set him aside. He can either do the work and show me he'll do what it takes to be in my life or not. But I can't sit around and wait for it.
Of course it sucks! I am in the same boat as far as bring alone. But I think that being in a toxic relationship is worse. I broke off a relationship 6 months ago because he was not good to me, frequent outbursts, directed anger towards me. A life time of misery isn't worth it just to have someone. If you stay with him, you don't give the chance for the right man to come along. It gets really lonely sometimes but I have peace. I don't walk on eggshells all of the time. I have faith the right person will come along.
As others have said many of us post from experience but everyone is entitled to walk their own journey....
It sucks when you actually love someone, and the love isn't enough to sustain the relationship. At least not the relationship you deserve.
He needs to figure himself out...FOR himself, then he can be who you deserve. You can't battle his demons for him.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
moving around the world by myself is an unattractive proposition.
Tell me about it Granted, I've only moved within the US (if you don't count that I moved from Canadian soil--in the consulate )but it gets easier each time. It really does.
Being alone sucks
Sometimes yes; sometimes no