Topic: There was no Trigger
Member # 36622
| Posted: 12:57 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
Broevil and I love to entertain. We have always had a handful of parties every year. In years past our Halloween party was our biggest one of the year.
The last Halloween party we had was during the A. About 2 weeks before she asked me if the OM could come over while I was at work and help decorate. It was the first confrontation. I said I wasn't comfortable with him coming over while I was away. I got the "we're just friends", "it's nothing", "you are controlling me by not letting me have any friends". Even though he had already been to the house behind my back and it had already gone PA. I wanted to believe so bad that I was wrong that I even invited him to the party myself. The night of the party, she paraded him around the house introducing him to everyone like he was her prize. I was ignored the entire night. Three weeks later was Dday. The confrontation, the party prep, the party itself all held some of the most painful memories of the A.
Last year I refused to have the party. But this year we decided to try to get it back. We planned every bit of it together. We did all of the shopping together. We planned our costumes, decorations, food, games, guests together. We didn't push it. When it got overwhelming we backed off. When the past came up we talked about it and how it is different now.
Well, yesterday was the day. We had a great party. There were probably 85 guests all helping us take it back (whether they knew it or not). What is funny is that as the party was winding down I realized that I hadn't thought about the past or the OM all day. There was no past, there was only the present, and the present was better than ANY past we have ever known.
fWS 36 (broevil)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better
"Knowing is half the battle"
Expecting progress not perfection
Posts: 2320 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 31349
| Posted: 1:01 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
Me: BW 34
Crazz: FWH 32
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
Posts: 13785 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 32943
| Posted: 1:03 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
Thanks for sharing that with us! Happy Halloween!
Me: BS, 40's.
Posts: 1630 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
Member # 40219
| Posted: 1:25 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
WS MisterP (36)
Together 13 1/2 Years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly making progress towards Reconciliation.
Posts: 164 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
Member # 38437
| Posted: 1:31 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
So happy for you Chico!
And Wow...you were so brave to go there..
There is a restaurant that we haven't gone to...I don't think I will ever be able to. I don't think I'm brave enough.
But really happy to read your story!
Me: BW 51 (didn't have a clue)
Him: FWH 54(extremely remorseful about his stupid midlife crisis)
Married 27 yrs
PA that lasted approx. 2 weeks. OW was a younger but totally screwed up %#@%!
Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: California
Member # 15162
| Posted: 1:36 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
Posts: 34975 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Member # 39439
| Posted: 1:46 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
Lucky you. Bet you never expected to hear those words or believe them either. But....Lucky You.
Congrats. I hope you have many, many more glorious days.
[This message edited by devasted30 at 1:46 PM, October 27th (Sunday)]
Sorry, I need to edit a lot. My fingers aren't as fast as my brain.
Hey Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
Gotta get up and try, try, try.
Posts: 425 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 35846
| Posted: 2:12 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
I was hoping you would update.
I understand the biggies, the events/places you don't think you can get back.
Oh but you can, it takes some guts, hand holding and a little faith, but man it feels good. It just feels right.
Congrats to you and Broevil. Bask in it, you deserve the reward!
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
We have R'd
Posts: 2854 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 40915
| Posted: 2:41 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
Just so happy for you both!
Creating those "new" good memories will be such an important part of a complete R for all of us, JMO.
BS (Me) - 47
Married 23 years - together for 29 years
DDay - June 10th 2012 then TT'd-June 2012 - July 2012 (and beyond????)
2 amazing children
"Understanding love is one of the hardest things in life." - Fred Rogers
Posts: 75 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 30369
| Posted: 6:28 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
That is just way cool, Chicho. Good for you.
Now I have the song "Take It Back" by Cream stuck in my head, and it makes me incredibly happy.
Thanks for sharing the hope and your positive experience!
BH/WBF - 40
FWW/BGF (Amerasia) - 43
DS - 10
Posts: 4012 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 39665
| Posted: 6:51 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
Congrats. Sounds like a treat...not a trick. Nice!
2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.
Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Member # 38384
| Posted: 7:46 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
Hooray! I am happy to read this, Chicho!
WOw! 85 people? You guys threw a bender!
Love that you did it all....together. Well done.
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
Posts: 1557 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Member # 40298
| Posted: 8:03 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
Love this! So happy for you!!! Happy Halloween!
Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?
Posts: 327 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 36711
| Posted: 8:31 PM, October 27th (Sunday), 2013|
Very cool. You took it back, you won it - together. Congrats on an awesome step forward.
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.
Posts: 1194 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 37154
| Posted: 4:59 AM, October 28th (Monday), 2013|
Posts: 1563 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
|Topic Posts: 15|