and is so picky
I know my husband
I wouldn't want to love and share a life with a person capable of seeing others as "usable" and then "disposable".
I came to understand the depth of FWH's selfishness and his ability to compartmentalize. I came to understand the depths of his desperation to feel better. He wanted to feel better the easy way, though. He didn't want to change and do the work on himself. He didn't turn to booze, drugs, or gambling for an unhealthy coping mechanism. No, he turned to infidelity for an unhealthy coping mechanism. To someone who made sure it was always available with the ego kibbles and blowing sunshine up his ass. It really could have been any "woman" that made its self so easy for FWH to access.
I do feel that it is possible for the WS's to at least believe they had some deep feelings for the AP. Some WS's might actually "love" the AP's. It is also very possible for WS's to not have any feelings for the AP's, or to have very superficial feelings of "friendship". :
[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 4:15 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)]
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
The lies and stories he eventually told OW were elaborate, and frightening. I never knew how creative he could be. (well, his best buddy helped him with many of these stories)
So, I do believe that some WS would risk quite a bit. WH dived in the affair really quickly, told himself that he and I were in a bad marriage anyway so why not just go for it, and he'd figure out the rest later.
In his case, OW is very controlling, alternates between making him feel like crap, then making him godlike again and he constantly feels as though he's her KISA, a feeling he values more than so many things in this world
I don't believe she meant nothing to him at all. But I also don't believe its true love. I honestly believe he is addicted to the image OW sees when she looks at him and he feels like an utter failure when he looks at me. (now)
But if he had a LTA, I might feel differently. The only LT love in his life, however, has been me.
As for the "I never stopped loving you" part, he said he thought of her from time to time over the 30 years in between, but he never carried a torch for her or anything like that. He said it was just a feeling that he was having at the time he said it. but that looking back on it, the feeling obviously wasn't real because he didn't ever feel like he loved her at any time other than back in HS before she found him again on facebook.
I asked him if he had felt before or during his A like she was the one that got away, he said "No, that would be you if you ever leave me".
[This message edited by LadyLove at 6:41 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)]