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Newest Member: feelostandlonely (45327)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He moved out 2 weeks ago...
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ruby, your plan to out him to his parents will probably backfire on you. Remember that blood is thicker than water and pretty soon you will be the outsider.

You have been served with divorce papers. No playing games, no trying to win him back, no giving him choices to see who he picks. Now is the time you need to focus on you and the girls and start living your life.

No contact unless it involves the kids or finances.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6579 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

K9
Thanks for the smack up side the head I needed that! Time to stop playing games. If his family wanted the truth they would have called when he told them he moved out a month ago. Just sad to know that my daughters are losing his half of the family. My MIL actually said she did not want to call her granddaughters for fear of upsetting me. Luckily my side is supportive. Hopefully my half of the gene pool will dominate in their lives. I am back to the 180 and cricket noises.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Horsegirl
♀ Member
Member # 41217
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did try to contact my wh family but got no response. I am sure they believe whatever he is telling them.


Me- 32
Him-32
Left me on 9/30/13 and moved right out
Divorce filed by him upon leaving
Living with OW

Posts: 64 | Registered: Nov 2013
crazynot
♀ Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ruby, glad you've realised that doing things like trying to make him choose between the kids and her is not a good plan. I did that constantly and it DID NOT WORK. You can make this easier or harder on the kids and the way to make it easier is NOT to bring them into the equation. I wish I had taken my own advice because my kids would have fewer emotional scars from the whole thing. FWIW, however, although my in-laws eventually tool WH's side (because, as they say, blood IS thicker than water), they have always remained friendly to me and been there 100% for the kids. The end of a marriage does not necessarily mean the end of close family ties.


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 873 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need an attorney asap, so the stuff he does now is financially on him, cancel the joint credit cards and get one in your name only. Take any savings now and put it in an account so he can't blow it all. Lines of credit, close them too if you can. If he wants a trip to California, let it be on him and not jointly. Protect yourself and the kids.

Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2011
mychild
♀ Member
Member # 40186
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh gosh, this did go quickly didn't it.

Too much of a whirlwind.

And what is it with all these late 40 somethings and early 50 somethings anyway? What? Do they think, gosh, I only have 30 more years left - I gotta go out with a bang???

Really weird. They want to start over at 50? God, me, I have no choice - it was brought upon me, like you, only different, but still - this was all brought to us, we had no choice, our choice is only how we handle the situation we were given.

Does he really think life will be a slice of apple pie at his age with a new woman? So weird, really. I know, who cares, but I"m just like, wouldn't it be a lot easier in your 30's???

As far as your daughters, I do believe in telling them the truth. Regarding the truth - even if they are young, being lied to is so hurtful. If you lie to them they will feel betrayed by you. When you divorce or at least very close to the end date, please tell them that daddy left to be with another woman. Just because they are children does not mean they do not deserve respect and the truth. They don't need the gory details, of course, but the deserve the respect of the truth. When they are older, if they want to know, then they all deserve to know the dirty details. Do not teach them now or ever that lying, even to "make people feel better" is ever the better choice. They are your blood, you are their Mommy and they need the truth - always.

I'm so glad you are so strong. You really have a good head on your shoulders. Unlike WH and POS other woman.

Teach your girls to take care of themselves. Get excellent grades. Learn a trade or two. Something math, science, computers or health for one thing. They have to never be in a situation where they are married, with daughters, and husband ups and leaves and them wondering how they are going to pay the bills. They, themselves, will pay the bills and F the cheaters.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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