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Newest Member: Ganon27

Divorce/Separation :
first post and wary

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 Unagie (original poster member #37091) posted at 10:49 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

I have read on this section for months, starting and deleting posts because of a wariness that I may not be welcome here. Perhaps that is foolish but I see so many names here I don't see anywhere else and so much pain I'm not sure if a wayward would be welcome as well as a betrayed, madhatter or not. I'm going to try to get over that wariness now. SO and I are separated. After my A and his subsequent A he has admitted that I have made him feel safe while he has done nothing but continuously try to do damage to me. We are still living together while I try to get my money right and in the mean time I feel torn apart watching him get dressed up, cologne on and look good to go to a bar. It hurts like a knife to the heart to know he still talks to the woman he fell in love with 8 yrs ago and has loved throughtout our relationship (he says no but she gets mentioned as his biggest regret multiple times throughout the yrs...I think part of me always knew). She has a boyfriend now but how much do you care about him if meeting up with the man you once loved is worth it.

I'm working on me through all this too. Not sure what I'm looking for in this post. Maybe just a hello and a dipping of my toe into this part of site.


posts: 3615   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2012
id 6540629
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betrayedfriend ( member #19785) posted at 11:16 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2013

I've seen a lot of your posts and can feel your pain radiating through them, while I can't speak for anyone else, I just wanted to say welcome to s&d and I'm here to offer support if I can. You have my admiration for being willing to take the risk of posting and working through your impending divorce and all the emotions surrounding it while still working on the issues that brought you to this site in the first place.

I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

posts: 1023   ·   registered: Jun. 6th, 2008   ·   location: Midwest USA
id 6540661
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inconnu ( member #24518) posted at 12:25 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

hi unagie! welcome to D/S. I've read a lot of your posts. I'm so sorry you're hurting, but I know you're doing the hard work to heal and change yourself. Don't ever forget that you are worthy of being treated with dignity and respect.

There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown

posts: 13294   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2009   ·   location: DeepInTheHeartof, Texas
id 6540768
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 12:32 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Welcome, Unagie. ((((hugs))))

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6540775
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 12:36 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

My only wariness about you is that you might post a picture of a spider here. I can't do spider pictures, not even in jest.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6540778
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Threnody ( member #1558) posted at 12:37 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

(((Unagie)))

I am here.

“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

posts: 14329   ·   registered: Jun. 6th, 2003   ·   location: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
id 6540779
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caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 1:12 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

(((Unagie)))

Pain is pain. Finding your way through the current situation is what we are all here for.

I don't know that "welcome" is the right word. But take a seat, put your feet up and have a vent, a cry, hollar FTG! with the rest of us.

You will be okay.

Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

posts: 7063   ·   registered: May. 27th, 2010   ·   location: a better place
id 6540829
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inconnu ( member #24518) posted at 1:34 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

ps, and a complete t/j - every time I see your username, I read it as the Un-Aggie. I think I've been in Texas too long.

(for those not in Texas or not into college football, the Aggies are Texas A&M)

There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown

posts: 13294   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2009   ·   location: DeepInTheHeartof, Texas
id 6540844
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 Unagie (original poster member #37091) posted at 1:47 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Thanks for the warm welcome .

Caregiver you're right pain is pain no matter what, I appreciate those words.

NG no worries, I keep my spider pics confined to F&G and I never expected that thread to take off lol, my cuteness thread only got 7 pages .

Inconnu my name is just a user name my brother came up with when I was 15 and we watched Friends with Ross saying unagie wasn't sushi, and was a state of total awareness.

Betrayedfriend, NIK, Thren thanks for the welcome.


posts: 3615   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2012
id 6540861
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Snapdragon ( member #4286) posted at 2:31 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Unagie, welcome. Please feel open and comfortable to share. While this forum is primarily populated by the BS, that doesn't mean you aren't welcome. You will be supported.

So please pull up a chair at the table. Sip from the glass of compassion. Sample from the plate of experience.

Oh, and "unagie" is the Japanese word for freshwater eel. There is a special day in early summer where eel is served to give strength to suffer through the hot days to come. Interesting, eh?

Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink

posts: 4089   ·   registered: May. 4th, 2004   ·   location: Midwest
id 6540903
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Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 3:20 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Welcome, unagie. I always thought of the friends episode when I saw your name. Lol

Don't be shy- when I found SI, I was already divorced, so this was my first forum- kinda like home.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

posts: 9299   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Western PA
id 6540949
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jackie89 ( member #38271) posted at 3:35 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Welcome Unagie!

posts: 869   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2013   ·   location: SE PA
id 6540971
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 Unagie (original poster member #37091) posted at 4:16 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Thank you all again for your welcome.


posts: 3615   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2012
id 6541016
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 5:01 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

A friend just FB'd me a funny spider meme and I thought of you. LOL

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6541052
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 Unagie (original poster member #37091) posted at 5:27 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

NG I actually snorted while laughing about that one lol.


posts: 3615   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2012
id 6541064
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gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 5:53 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Just FYI, Unagie. D/S is a *spider-free* zone. Just sayin'

Honey, you are totally welcome down here. Your WBF absolutely and totally meets the FTG criterion.

-----I canNOT believe that you are still living with this guy----****I'm passing you some of my armor*****

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

posts: 9241   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2012   ·   location: Midwest
id 6541072
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dmari ( member #37215) posted at 6:40 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

I've read your posts over at Wayward and always appreciated how you respond and supported other WS.

It was very brave of you to wander her to D/S so that says something about you. I'm sorry that you are here but you will be in good hands.

posts: 2868   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2012
id 6541084
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SBB ( member #35229) posted at 6:48 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Welcome. We have quite a few madhatters in here.

An important distinction that can be lost sometimes is that we are anti Unremorseful WS, not anti-WS. The Wayward forum is pretty anti-Unremorseful WS too, BTW.

There's s BS fog too - that time where we are so busy feeling hurt and in shock that we tolerate an unbelievable amount of bullshit.

she gets mentioned as his biggest regret multiple times throughout the yrs...I think part of me always knew

^^THIS is emotional abuse. I would be very surprised if this wayward mindset didn't result in a PA with this woman or some other low-hanging fruit long you became aware of his cheating.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

posts: 6062   ·   registered: Apr. 4th, 2012   ·   location: Australia
id 6541088
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Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 6:54 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Wait! It's not Un-Aggie??

You're an SI member; you belong in any forum you chose (provided you're allowed ) Shit; I've been D for 2.5 years, no residual attachment to the X, but I'm here frequently.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

posts: 25351   ·   registered: Jun. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: Arizona
id 6541095
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Softcentre ( member #39166) posted at 7:28 AM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Unagie - you're remorseful and that makes a world of difference. You've done and are still doing the hard work on you. Personally, even if you weren't a MH, I'd be comfortable with you being on here,especially having read your posts in wayward.

But as a remorseful WS who was then betrayed, you also understand much of our pain.

I'm so sorry you're joining us here. ((hugs))

Me: BW
Him: XWH
2 Children

Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning

posts: 1629   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: UK
id 6541110
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