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User Topic: OW lied to me
coldheart34
♀ New Member
Member # 40569
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DDay for me was receiving message on Facebook from ow asking if I was married to WH. She then started telling me about their relationship and how she didn't know he was married. I asked her how she didn't see his ring or "tan" she said he told her it's just a ring I wear. I found out she works at the company still that he used to work for from 2007-08. He told me back then she was his assistant in his training class. So I feel she willingly got involved with him last year knowing he was married and acting like she is the victim. And I want to confront her just let her know I know she is a lying slut and leave it at that. Advice on how to proceed is greatly appreciated.


Me (BS)-34
WH-37
DDAY 1: 2/2013
DDAY 2:(FB instant message from OW)8/17/2013
kids- DD 2, DD 6 mos
Attempting to R

Posts: 15 | Registered: Sep 2013
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow...go figure that a cheating OW lied to you. What a concept

Cold, don't waste your breath or time on her. All you will be doing is feeding her drama and opening a door for her into your life.

Block her. Don't answer her. Don't poke the drama llama.

Yell at your WS for what he did.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6585 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^This


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^
^^^That.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4022 | Registered: Dec 2011
jstbreathe
♀ Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I completely agree with K94ever! Don't do it, it will only backfire on you and make you more hurt and angry. That's why she contacted you in the first place.


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2013
MakingLemonade
♀ Member
Member # 41143
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CH, agreeing with everyone above. I've BTDT and it did no good except made me feel like a fool for wasting my time and emotions over it.


Me: 40's; XBS Him: 40's; XWS/NPD/SA
D-day 1: 5/2007- A #1; 7/2007 A #1 continued-R
D-day 2: 3/2013 A #2/multi-ONSs; 4/2013 A #2 continues to present
D: 7/2013 (25 yrs together; days shy of 22nd anniversary-GOAL MET!)
Our kids: teen & tween

Posts: 168 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southern US
coldheart34
♀ New Member
Member # 40569
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for advice. I won't contact her.


Me (BS)-34
WH-37
DDAY 1: 2/2013
DDAY 2:(FB instant message from OW)8/17/2013
kids- DD 2, DD 6 mos
Attempting to R

Posts: 15 | Registered: Sep 2013
burnedcanuckEMS
♀ Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agreed - don't waste your time or energy on her. I only contacted the OW in my case once - sent her a few texts saying I knew she was fooling around with my husband and that I had all of her text messages from his phone. It didn't help any, it was just a waste of my time and energy. Why give her any satisfaction or power. They don't deserve it.


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 254 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They lie....bottom line. That's why I will never contact ow again, there's no need. Nothing she says will help me. Don't waste your time, really. I know its tempting, I did it and have regretted it the second she answered my text.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5167 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1st: she lied because she's a lying liar who lies. It's in the job description.

2nd: trying to get through to an unremorseful OP or WS is like trying to teach a pig to play the piano. It wastes your time and just annoys the pig.

I was like you. I felt a bit of pity for Whoreible after dday 1, when I was told she didn't know he was M.

But, after the scathing email I sent her, encouraging her to come get his stuff and feel free to move him in with her, she knew he was M. Supposedly told him to F off and leave her alone.

Yeah, that lasted all of 5 days when he moved into his apt. He swore to me that he would do anything to win me back but called her moaning about how I had thrown him out for "nothing". She knew he was M from 12/28/2010 until it all finally blew up in August 2011. But somehow has managed to convince herself that she was the innocent victim in the story.

Stay strong in your resolve. Don't give her any more power.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2804 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Thessalian
♀ Member
Member # 40633
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup - same deal from one of the OWs. She said she didn't know WH was married, which is a complete lie. She knew very well, and she aggressively went for him after he told her he was taken. I've had very brief contact with 3 of the OWs - the others were either one-nighters or WH can't remember their names (lovely). Out of those I spoke to, one turned out to be a crazy psychotic liar, the second is just your basic liar, and the third was genuinely really sorry and very honest. As you may have guessed, the liars lied because both of them are screwing around on / with plenty of attached people.

I just read the "I'm a victim" letters they both wrote me, and never called either of them out on this because the purpose of talking to them was to deliver a quick, efficient, "Stay away from us," message, and be gone, not to fix their shit. Why call them out, after all? You're not going to help them fix their ginormous pile of disgusting problems, and they're certainly not going to take any advice from you.

I wish I hadn't reached out to any of them, their nasty energy just ruined my week.


Me: BW, 30
Him: WH, 36

7 years of double-digit ONS, LTA, hookers - the works.

First found out: August 20, 2013
Whole truth: January 1, 2014


Posts: 164 | Registered: Sep 2013
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 5:54 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


2nd: trying to get through to an unremorseful OP or WS is like trying to teach a pig to play the piano. It wastes your time and just annoys the pig.

Classic quote.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1584 | Registered: Jul 2009
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With all due respect Coldheart, I know we're all inclined to immediately not like or trust OW, but in all honesty, how do you KNOW he told her he was married?

I've been fooled by married men who LIED to me and claimed to be separated/divorced and apparently, there are a ton of men who do this.

Personally, I don't automatically assume she's lying at all. She may be a bit gullible (I sure was when I was tricked) and she may be a bit naive, but it's VERY possible your husband simply neglected to tell her about his marital state because he was enjoying the flirting and/or attention he was getting from her.

Just thought I'd throw that out there.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1828 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder if some OW go into denial. They are in a fog of sorts possibly.

OW claimed she didn't know WH and I were living a normal married life together because he lied and said we were S for several years. But, on DDAY, I contacted her and told her she was breaking up a family. I contacted her on more than several occasions after that and told her what was going on, what she was doing.

It wasn't until she honestly felt that WH was truly, 100% dumping her that she came to me, declaring he must be "lying to us both" and she apologized for any pain she may have caused, etc. I didn't believe she didn't know what she was doing or potentially doing to us, I think she took anything WH told her and chose to believe it.

Afterall it wouldn't have just dawned on her when she was dumped, that she was the OW. Denial.

She later got angry with me, and claimed she wasn't a horrible person, that her worst crime was trusting what WH told her. Hardly. Besides, after she supposedly found out, or admitted to knowing everything, she still was there for him.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 14

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