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Newest Member: whathappensnext (45075)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: spousal support woes
gotmylifeback
♂ Member
Member # 32693
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am needing to vent!

I pay my spousal support on time every time. I hate the fact that she had the affair and it is still affecting me financially. Yes, I have the degree but I also have the student loans. Plus, its not like I am making a huge amount of money.

So, I'm in a new relationship with a great girl and she has a little one. We have discussed a long term future together which is great. But, this stupid spousal support makes a difference in any kind of financial future as it related to this new relationship. Gosh I hate the fact that her A is still affecting my life like this!

Don't know if I have a point in this. Just needing to share with others who can understand.


Her-Unremorseful, Wayward ex wife
Me-No longer a betrayed husband

Happily remarried.

"You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory." - Kuato in Total Recall


Posts: 597 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: between Oz and Wonderland
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((gotmylifeback)))

I'm glad you have found someone special. I'm so sorry that you have to pay ss after she betrayed you. Is it permanent or for a certain # of years?


Posts: 35411 | Registered: Mar 2011
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, October 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((gotmylifeback)))

Infidelity keeps taking from the BS in many ways for years.

I hope for your future that SS is for a specified time only.
Big Hugs and keep pushing forward.
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20377 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
gotmylifeback
♂ Member
Member # 32693
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Support is for a little more than 2 years longer. Not forever, but it feels that way. It really sucks that she has money for her bills without having to work or even having to get out of bed. How frickin fair is that? I would rather spend that money on my SO's little one.

That money could be going for us moving in together. It sucks that I don't have that money to use in an aeffort to truly move forward. Until support ends, I still have some connection to the ex. We do not speak, but I can't truly rid my life of her completely. Plus, I still have a relationship with DD while the ex does not. I still try to help DD out financially when she needs it.

Plus, I've had to pay for counseling to get through ex's behaviors. And, lets not forget about the STD she got during her A (s) which got passed along to me. Having to pay for medication when I have an outbreak is just another expense that falls on me.

Dang, i hate taking the high road. Where is that karma bus. When does the ex start reaping the consequences of her choices and actions? It just feels like she is walking away without any consequences.


Her-Unremorseful, Wayward ex wife
Me-No longer a betrayed husband

Happily remarried.

"You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory." - Kuato in Total Recall


Posts: 597 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: between Oz and Wonderland
cdagal
♀ Member
Member # 38154
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate. I've just entered year 3 of a 5 year obligation to pay XH. It's 1/3 of my monthly income that goes into his hands - he's living quite comfortably thank you very much. Between his job, the OW's job and my money, he's living quite a bit better than me. However, at the end of the day, I'm able to look myself in the mirror and know that I'm the better person here. Besides, I just look at it as a very expensive car payment
Hang in there. It will end. There's no use in trying to see the justice of any of it - there is none. But you've got your self respect and the respect of your DD and SO. Priceless!


M - 25 yrs
DDay - August 5, 2010
Divorced - December 12, 2011
He married the OW 35 days later
"Fall seven times, stand up eight" - Japanese proverb

Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where is that karma bus.
Unless I missed soemthing in your post your Ex is NOT working. If that's the case the my guess is the karma bus will be rolling around in about 2 years when your SS stops. You are making ends meet now but she doesn't have a job so in 2 years you essentially get a bump in pay and she has to start working. Has she not looked at the job market lately.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1905 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Besides, I just look at it as a very expensive car payment

On a broken lemon!

I know two years seems like forever when we are going through this BS; but you WILL get there. You will send that last payment and be happy-dancing away! What a load will be lifted off of you.

You stated your relationship is new so this will buy you time to take it all slow, etc.

You got this!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2137 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
msk99
♂ Member
Member # 29293
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't drive yourself into the ground with this, there really is no justice in our society for this inexcusable action. Other parts of the world, well....they are put to death.

I know this totally sucks, but just watch your nickels and before you know it that bitch is going to have to face her own reality.


BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced

Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.


Posts: 712 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Alberta
gotmylifeback
♂ Member
Member # 32693
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to clarify. She had back problems for a good portion of our marriage. She has been able to work off and on but eventually went on permanent disability.

Fine, I worked a full time job and then some so she could be a homemaker. However, she ended up using that time to work out and have an A. At the divorce trial, she played the "I'm disabled card." Yea, she has back problems....but, not to the extent that she can't work. And, being in a no fault state means that the A really could not be used in the divorce.

So, now she can go to school and get her basic bills paid without having to work. Yes, she will have to get a job when spousal support ends. However, she probably living with someone by now so, my support may just be going straight into her pocket. And it wouldn't be worth it to try and prove to the court if she in fact is living with a new boyfriend.

So, I just continue to pay and wait until its over.


Her-Unremorseful, Wayward ex wife
Me-No longer a betrayed husband

Happily remarried.

"You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory." - Kuato in Total Recall


Posts: 597 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: between Oz and Wonderland
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if you have the child full time, I am not sure why you have to pay at all! but I guess thats not my business. if you have 2 yrs left, you could reopen the case so say your circumstances changed and you want the maintenance dropped (such as she doesnt see child) and 2. if that doesnt happen- count your blessing as things are better than they were before. 2 yrs is nothing compared to what you have now and it may last :)


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
gotmylifeback
♂ Member
Member # 32693
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS is living on her own so its not like I am having to care for all of her needs. However, I try to be there to help; sometimes helping with an unexpected car expense.


Her-Unremorseful, Wayward ex wife
Me-No longer a betrayed husband

Happily remarried.

"You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory." - Kuato in Total Recall


Posts: 597 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: between Oz and Wonderland
Topic Posts: 11

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