I Have been told by my H that I don't look at him the same anymore. That sparkle has left my eyes. I do sometimes feel dead behind my eyes. I don't feel that safety and assurance that I felt prior to his ONS (plural).
I will tell you it's not conscious that I don't look at him with love... It's something in me. Something dies in u when you get hit with this betrayal.
It's sad that sometimes because we were so attached that I thought I couldn't live without him. I thought it would hurt less to be dead. I never took it that far but still was a thought. Love shouldn't take you to such dark places.
I think it's just a sadness that becomes part of you. I don't even realize I'm not the same upbeat fun person I once was. It's taken its till on me but somewhere inside I know i still exist. I know my true nature is trusting and loving. I just got used to the sadness instead I guess.