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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I need help responding to this.
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I LOVE the idea of going over to HIS place Christmas morning.

However, since that may not work, I'd take Tearsoflove's suggestion of doing the big Christmas morning routine on Christmas Eve, before X takes them. He should get the "second-hand" Christmas, not you.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can always go back to court and get the standard visitation for your state. That's what I would do.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4787 | Registered: Feb 2008
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I, also, would go back to court to modify the visitation. At least every other year, you should get ALL of Christmas day, especially the waking up part.

However, if you start that now, it may not get done by this Christmas, so you want to make peace with *something* else this year.

((((hugs))))


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
osxgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another vote here for TearsofLove's idea. If the lawyer thinks you can get somewhere with this, AND it's worth it to you, go ahead and pursue it.

But how much is it going to cost you to pursue this? Even if you can afford it, wouldn't that money be put to better use, say, buying better presents for the kids for Christmas? Or tucking it away in their college funds?

Think about it - if you do the big Christmas morning thing on Christmas Eve morning, the kids get two chances to have a fun Christmas, and you don't get the "leftovers". It may or may not make the kids less excited about Christmas with him. If it does - FTG. It isn't your fault. You wanted to do the status quo. He isn't willing to compromise. So.... do what works best for you given the constraints.

And really - I think you will be surprised at how fun Christmas will be if you just shift your attitude about the date on the calendar.

One final note - I would not tell the kids anything until the day before (the 23rd) if you do this. If the kids tell your X what is happening, and your X isn't happy about the idea, you might have to put up with even more crap from him. And it's really none of his d@#% business when you decide to have Christmas with the kids.

Just keep it to yourself, and on the 23rd, tell them you just got special notice from Santa that since they are going to be elsewhere on Christmas morning, he decided to make a special stop just for them on the 24th.

ETA: Just had another thought on this. In light of the kids being there both Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, has anything been agreed upon about how "Santa" will be handled? Bet your X didn't even think about that. And I also bet he just plans to have them open presents from Santa at his place. Without telling you.

If he does and you do Christmas early, he'll have to deal with it. If he doesn't, there's no harm, no foul by you having Santa come a little early. Doing it this way, he will have dug his own grave, so to speak.

[This message edited by osxgirl at 1:56 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2405 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Evil  Posted: 2:07 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't usually post in here, but I have a child from a previous relationship and I do share holidays.

I know that we as mother's want to spend every special day with our kids, especially Christmas. However, you agreed to this based on assumptions that it would always go a certain way. I don't see that as his fault for changing it back to the agreement now. Does it suck big fat hairy monkey balls? Absolutely. However, is it the hill you want to die on?

There could be many other things over the years you each want the other to bend on, part of that is being willing to bend to begin with.

Have Christmas morning with your kids a day early rather than bringing your lawyer into this and making a fight out of it. Turn it into your kids having two awesome Christmas days instead of one where their parents are both ticked at each other. You can spin this into a great holiday, I'm positive of it, without the fight.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Topic Posts: 25
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