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Newest Member: Dragonfly111502 (45331)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sex, HB, fWW, fWH connection
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dang it ladies-first...leave my own thoughts out of this! I am trying to find something or someone else to blame for our lack of growth!!!!

God is smiling as you nudge me with some truth.....

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
♂ Member
Member # 34689
Default  Posted: 3:04 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't even know what HB was, but we clearly had it.

My wife was afraid I was going to leave, and sex was reassuring to her. She wanted it, because she needed reassurance. I wanted it because I wanted sex, and I liked and loved her. In fact it was during a night in a hotel room, on the 18th anniversary of our first date, when I had been trying to get her in the mood, unsuccessfully, that she confessed.

HB was messy emotionally...but then I was so emotionally disturbed by it all that it could not be otherwise.

BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.

Posts: 1012 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I felt guilty, because I didn't understand it. I'd never heard of HB. I thought my husband would think I had forgiven him when that was so far from the truth.

It was animalistic almost. I had this overwhelming urge to reclaim him. He was shocked thinking I wouldn't touch him for awhile. We were both surprised.

I did feel confused and embarrassed like, what just happened here? Once I understood it I felt better about it.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
♂ Member
Member # 35512
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also due to the nature of how society views affairs, I think BHs are more likely (temporarily, in the immediate aftermath...or longer if they don't find SI) to accept their WW's bullshit lines about "I cheated because you didn't love me enough, you were an asshole," etc.

So very true. I was caught in this mindset (the A was all my fault, for my neglect, our M problems, my depression, etc.) for over 9 months. I still struggle with it, in fact. HB was just like some sort of insult on top of that feeling of blame and shame.

[This message edited by DWBH at 8:48 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 41 (ThornyRose)
M: 16 years, together 19
2 Daughters: 14 and 12
D Day: 9/25/2011; Lies & TT to 5/4/2012
~Double betrayal; caught them in the act~

Posts: 729 | Registered: May 2012 | From: WI
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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