Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Devestatedbeyond (44583)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How to pay parenting coordinator when you don't have the $$$?
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Part of my final decree will be that we have to use a parenting coordinator. As I've shared here, I don't have a job. I am looking, but I have not had any luck and it's been a year. I am getting by solely on the SS & CS, and that is only barely covering my expenses. (NOTE: when I have to start paying for my own health insurance I will be f'd, because I don't have the money for that)

The parenting coordinator is NOT CHEAP. I can't afford the retainer, I can't afford the hourly rate. I can't afford him. Period.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. How do I pay when I don't have the money?

What do I tell this guy?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9461 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry Nature Girl.

I've never even heard of such a thing. Can't he pay for the coordinator?

Did you try Starbucks - just for the benefits. I understand that they offer benefits at 23 hrs? It would be something?

That's what I'm thinking that I might have to do to, for health insurance. Once D is final I too am F'd - as the insurance through my employer (small company) is close to 700 a month - just for me!!!

All of it stinks.. But just hang in there. Someone's got to be looking out for you, something will come through, somehow - this too shall pass!


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 464 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't afford the retainer, I can't afford the hourly rate. I can't afford him. Period.

Gently, you absolutely cannot have this in your decree unless it can be government funded. What are the chances of having it split according to your income disparity?

I've never heard of a parenting co-ordinator. I've just googled it and I am shocked that such an essential service is expensive. Shocked.

Surely you're not the only one in this boat. Surely they have some sort of payment plan option or something like that. Surely.

Did you request the PC or did the whacko?


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5526 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. I didn't know what a parenting co-ordinator was either, so I googled it and found a very negative article against the whole thing.

http://www.thelizlibrary.org/site-index/site-index-frame.html#soulhttp://www.thelizlibrary.org/parenting-coordination/parenting-coordination.html

Your wording says

Part of my final decree will be that we have to use a parenting coordinator

"will be", does that mean it's not final yet? Can you still change it? Ugh, what a hard situation to be in. Wish I could be more helpful.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1623 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it's going to be mandatory, then you may need to get a job that's just a *job,* kwim?

I've never heard of this parental coordinator either. And after reading a bit about it, I'm not sure what my opinion of it is.

It can either be very, very helpful for you: **http://www.parentingcoordinationcentral.com/PC_Guidelines_for_Care.html**
Or it could end up being a nightmare.....along the lines of the article that Gemini posted about. I personally found the article to be written in a highly inflammatory fashion, but there were some valid points made.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7869 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how to move forward on this. As much as I can't stand STBX, I know he can't afford the PC, either. Well, actually he could liquidate some of the mountain of assets he's going to get from the divorce, but still, my point is that neither of us are in a position to engage a very highly-paid professional. My dilemma is that I'm not going to have a lawyer to help me get STBX to behave properly once the D is final (soon, my friends, it's going to be soon). On the other hand, the PC is just as expensive as a lawyer!

I sometimes feel like I've woken up in a Twilight Zone nightmare where things aren't what they seem.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9461 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If neither of you can afford it, then who is pushing for it to be in the final decree?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7869 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The parenting evaluator & the judge.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9461 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
HopeImOverIt
♀ Member
Member # 34517
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a thought... maybe you can add a sentence to your decree, "The cost of the parental coordinator is not to exceed $XXX per month" where XXX is a relatively low number that you can conceivably afford.

If the judge or evaluator tries to tell you that it's not "reasonable" to hire a coodinator for that little money, you respond that it's not reasonable to mandate that you spend more than you can afford on this service.

Ironically it sounds like your STBX will back you up on setting a maximum out-of-pocket on this.


Me: BW (50)
ExWH: (51)
2 teen-age boys
Divorced

Posts: 257 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: PA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Huh. The PC that is to be assigned to you isn't going to be your current parenting evaluator, is it?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7869 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, it's a different guy.

There is a whole culture of professional family court people that I didn't know about. All with the power to utterly destroy your family, and you can be compelled to involve them in your life.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9461 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have a job. I am looking, but I have not had any luck and it's been a year.

It pains me to say this, but how about 2 part-time jobs? At least stash away a few dollars by taking a Holiday job. Just something to start an emergency fund and give you a sense of control...


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just so people know, I apply for both part time and full time work. I cannot take any job that requires me to stand or lift, though, due to permanent knee damage. So no sales clerk, warehouse, burger flipper, Starbucks, whatever. Not going to happen.

The job market and job hunting is not what it used to be. I don't know how people get jobs these days. I am on the list with many recruiters, agencies, and so forth. I tell everyone I know I am looking. I carry a resume. I'm on linked-in, career-builder, monster, indeed, and Lord knows how many others. I call around to people I know who have businesses and offer to work for them for free simply to get experience on my resume so that I don't look like a total loser to prospective employers. I've worked with several professionals to get my resume sparkling. I volunteer in the community and at church so I can get references.

And finally, childcare costs $$$. Asking STBX to be the babysitter to save me $$$ is not an option. Childcare for three children, in some cases, costs me as much or more than the jobs I'm applying for.

None of the above helps me figure out how the hell to pay for a parenting coordinator. $1,000 retainer, $180 an hour billed in 15-minute increments, 4.5 hours of meeting time eating at that just to get acquainted and oriented. Not to mention the logistics of how to fit in all of those hours if I'm working multiple part-time jobs. Oh, and I have to meet with him AND my perverted STBX/will be EX at that point together. Sit in the same room with him. Next to him. Sit in the same room with the man who abused me for 15 years, terrorized the children & urinated on me against my will, and try to have a reasonable, calm conversation with him in the best interests of the children.

Whatever... It never ends...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9461 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like you might be better off just keeping your current lawyer on the payroll. If the costs are about the same, and they already have the retainer. Too bad the law doesn't require the court to pay for it, since they are the one's requiring it.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1623 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX is going to get hundreds of thousands of dollars, I get the house.

What about a home-based business? Childcare or Eldercare?


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Part time at a daycare during school hours? Can anyone in your family help with the cost of the PC?


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1199 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Working in the school district. Substitute teaching. Those two would leave you able to care for your children after school.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 17

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.