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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Trying to work on this but it's hard
stillcrying4ever
♀ Member
Member # 38310
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://www.goasksuzie.com/forgiving-infidelity-101

Maybe this will help some of you out there too. Just have to keep reading and trying.


D Day May 27, 2012



Posts: 186 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honestly, I think most of this is a load of bull.

I can say for sure that love in a marriage is conditional. Don't cheat, treat me right, and I'll love you.
My love for my children is unconditional...

the stuff about circling the hurt. Well this person really doesn't understand trauma. I see it as moving forward in circles.

Forgiveness: I haven't forgiven my husband. Doesn't mean I have bitterness, rage and resentment all the time. i think forgiveness is overrated and that living with something that may be "good enough" is what a lot of married people do.

JMHO.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4751 | Registered: Dec 2010
topperoff22
♀ Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doesn't mean I have bitterness, rage and resentment all the time.
You may not see it yet but you might down the road after it eats you alive from the inside out. Forgiveness isn't a single act..it's a commitment to work toward that goal. BUT this is just my thoughts and not a definite statement. we each have our own journey to take.


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
stillcrying4ever
♀ Member
Member # 38310
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to forgive because I don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life. I can't.


D Day May 27, 2012



Posts: 186 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love my H, I understand (better than he does) why he got involved in his affair, I accept that he did it, I'm no longer angry about it, and I am reasonably certain that he will not do anything like that again (I could be wrong, but 95% chance that I'm right, which I'm good with). It's become one of those "for worse" times.

But I don't forgive him for doing it. Not forgiving him is not eating me up. It doesn't bother me at all. And I don't think it will bother me in the future either. I'm not vindictive about it, so I don't think there's anything unethical about deciding not to forgive. Maybe I will forgive him in the future. Probably not.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 853 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 5

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