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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: he wants me back...of course he does..
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He had an affair and divored me.He left me and my dd for the ow.He was so in love.Never gave me a chance.NOW... he is crying he wants his family back.I was the perfect wife and mom.As much as I want my family back..its a little too late

Posts: 155 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry ideservebetter45, that has to be very conflicting to hear. I'm sure it was something you wanted to hear for a long time, but now it is too late.

(((ideservebetter45)))


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 372 | Registered: Apr 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((ideservebetter))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25325 | Registered: Aug 2011
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I am very sad.I wanted it so bad.I wanted it for my dd.Why now?? Why? My heart hurts so very bad.It would make dd so happy. but he hurt me too bad..too much..too many times..

Posts: 155 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's just another example of cruelty and selfishness. And, another example of his truly broken insides. Normal, healthy people don't demolish their wives and children like that, only to try to go back and pour salt in the wound once the "love" with OW fades.

I'm sorry he did that to you. They have no idea how badly we wish they would stand up and fight for us at the moment the bomb goes off. It's just way too late now.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2794 | Registered: Jan 2011
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

very, very cruel..so painful.Thank you all so much for the replies..

Posts: 155 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its awful! I hated it when my X did this kind of stuff too me.

you do deserve better!


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take this admission that all things come full circle. You do deserve better.
The grass is not always greener. In many situations, when a WS choses the AP with romantic illusions of great romantic vision, the bubble burst when normal day to life sets in. The exciting affair begins to show signs of cracks, and the comparison to the quality partner betrayed and left behind begins to look much more inviting.
I have often thought if the WS would put as much effort into the marriage as carrying on the affair.....there would be less affairs and stronger marriages. IMHO

Just my thoughts.


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 611 | Registered: Jul 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That would floor me. I'm wishing you lots of strength & resiliency in getting past this. ((((HUGS)))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9665 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why now?? Why?

Because he is a selfish, self absorbed person lacking empathy. He either cannot understand at all what he did to you and your child or he doesn't care.

He is hoping he can manipulate your kind nature, yet how could you ever fully trust he would not do something like this again?

He is broken and not liking his new reality and looking for a soft place to fall.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2672 | Registered: Jan 2010
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because he is a selfish, self absorbed person lacking empathy. He either cannot understand at all what he did to you and your child or he doesnt care.

This...exactly..


Posts: 155 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I am very sad.I wanted it so bad.I wanted it for my dd.Why now?? Why? My heart hurts so very bad.It would make dd so happy. but he hurt me too bad..too much..too many times..
and he would do it again. and again. and you would have to start over again. the 2nd affair after R hurts worse than the first. you are lucky you got out when you did.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3348 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry he did that to you. They have no idea how badly we wish they would stand up and fight for us at the moment the bomb goes off. It's just way too late now.

^^^this.
I am sooo sorry. I feel your pain. My STBWXH has been calling, texting, emailing constantly. We have a dog that was bitten by a rattlesnake. He is now out of the woods and well on his way to full recovery. I know my H. Things aren't going so well. He is using this as a way "in". It's only a matter of time. I cannot help but ask, "Why couldn't he see this when I, me me me me, needed this?"
It's because he is selfish. Too little too late. Stand your ground. Your DD does not need him hurting her mommy over and over and over. He is coming back tail between his legs, but he hasn't done the work on himself...not true remorse.
hugs, lots of them!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2233 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I bet if you asked him why he deserves a second chance after betrayal and ripping your heart out, your DD's heart out and decimating your M and family he would actually try to come up with a reason. Like I've learned my lesson or I'll make you happier than ever before.

Rather than the true answer of he doesn't deserve another chance.

When we come at things as though we deserve them when we really don't, we never truly appreciate them for the gift that they are.

I'm sorry he's bringing this pain and conflict back into your life with his selfishness.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11186 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This happens so often. The grass is rarely greener.

But to come back after the divorce, after devastating one's family I agree, is the ultimate cruelty. But I'm not surprised, I'm positive you were a wonderful wife and mother. He experienced that all too familiar feeling of "where did the excitement go??"

This happened in my first divorce from my first WH,(he tried hard to get me back) and if it happens again I won't be surprised, though I'm definitely not holding my breath. Nor waiting for it.



WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's just another example of cruelty and selfishness. And, another example of his truly broken insides. Normal, healthy people don't demolish their wives and children like that, only to try to go back and pour salt in the wound once the "love" with OW fades.

^^^^

I'm sorry, ideservebetter. What pain you must be in. How dare he. I used to dream that my STBXWW would do this--come pleading back; now it would be a nightmare. Such tragic stories here...


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1617 | Registered: Dec 2012
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you guys so much for the support..my heart hurts so much. I wanted this so badly a year ago.I wanted him to fight for us..he told me once when i was crying "to suck it up".He caused me so much pain.. dating her right in front of my face..she was our neighbor. HUMILIATED me all over town.why is this even bothering me? Why don't i just tell him to suck it up?? Please give me strength guys!

Posts: 155 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you guys so much for the support..my heart hurts so much. I wanted this so badly a year ago.I wanted him to fight for us..he told me once when i was crying "to suck it up".He caused me so much pain.. dating her right in front of my face..she was our neighbor. HUMILIATED me all over town.why is this even bothering me? Why don't i just tell him to suck it up?? Please give me strength guys!

Posts: 155 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, (((hugs))). Second:
Why don't i just tell him to suck it up?? Please give me strength guys!
Try saying this to him once, without expressing any emotion, and you may just find that is incredibly cathartic and freeing to finally be the one doling out the rejection rather than being on the receiving end. Perhaps your heart will hurt a little less when you harden it when dealing with only him.

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 1:24 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sure he does, until the next skirt that catches his eye comes along. Don't fall for the crocodile tears, he is just feeling sorry for himself. It is all about him still. Even if you opened the door a little, once he thinks he has you he would be out looking again.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2966 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
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