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Newest Member: babygirl99 (44675)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Child support question....
msk99
♂ Member
Member # 29293
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, so my oldest son moved away last month to another city in our province to play hockey. I looked after the costs of getting him set up there, was a financially draining month. I had been paying her CS for both kids up until now. Now STBXWW is still asking for CS for our son who is now living on his own with a billet. If I am paying his billeting costs and various incidentals over the month, is CS a reasonable request from her? Her grounds for requesting CS is that HER expenses are higher as she is going up to visit him from time to time. I don't want to be a deadbeat, so would like some opinions.

I have voluntarily been paying CS, we don't have a legal separation agreement, we just have come to an understanding.

Thanks.


BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced

Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.


Posts: 712 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Alberta
chikastuff
♀ Member
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You don't say how old your son is, I'm guessing close to 18? I feel like the money should go to support your son's living expenses wherever he is, not to your X (outside of what you pay for child 2).


Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have voluntarily been paying CS, we don't have a legal separation agreement, we just have come to an understanding.
May be time to have a legal understanding about the CS. How old is your child? In the US there are formulas that take into account the salary of both parents, daycare expenses, who carries the insurance, and how many days a year the child spends with each parent among other things. It then spits out an amount for both parents. The parent with the larger amount pays the difference to the other parent. That's how it works in my state anyway. You should check into the laws in your country/state/province. I pay what the state requires and I can provide more if I want or if an out of the ordinary expense comes up.

Using the state rule and formula avoids confusion on what and when I pay, it's documented and there's no dispute over what I am required to pay versus what she "thinks" I should pay. I have 50/50 custody and I also have no problem paying more if unexpected expenses come up but I have the state guideline to fall back on just in case.

ETA: what Chika said. If your child is "of age" then don't send the money to your EX send it directly to your child if you want. Child support isn't to help with her expenses it's for the children.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 1:48 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official any day now, off to check the mail again.

Posts: 1890 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
msk99
♂ Member
Member # 29293
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, my oldest is 16 now....


BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced

Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.


Posts: 712 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Alberta
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Simple. Tell her that you will continue to pay CS if she pays your sons billet.

Also explain that she can save the money that she does not have to spend to feed a teenage male athlete and use that to visit him. That alone is probably $80-100/week.

Like 7yrs said, it is in your best interest to learn what the CS guidelines are in your province. You should be able to google to find a calculator. Also see if you can find any info on splitting expense and payment of CS when the child is in boarding school.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
LisaP
♀ Member
Member # 15088
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CS is to provide for your children, not to provide her with travel expenses.

I suggest keeping a spreadsheet detailing your expenses paid and like others said, find CS guidelines to help determine who should be paying what.

What you do now can set a standard for future expectations from not only her, but from the legal system.


Me BS

Divorced!

~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown


Posts: 2181 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Oregon
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also I am not sure how the law's are in other Countries but if you have been paying child support voluntarily I really hope you have been documenting it (keep copies of checks and bank records)and noting it as such. The last thing you want is to get in court and your EX say you never paid anything and you have no reciepts or cancelled checks. In my state that scenario basically would amount to me giving my EX free monetary "gifts" for years then having to pay back child support because I couldn't prove I paid it previously.

You say you aren't legally separated and have an understanding so I have no idea if you are even required to pay child support in your country in that instance. You may want to check with a lawyer. Make sure you document any and all money you give to her for Child support or expenses. Things can get very ugly once it goes to the legal system. I am not trying to alarm you but just trying to give you a heads up.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official any day now, off to check the mail again.

Posts: 1890 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her grounds for requesting CS is that HER expenses are higher as she is going up to visit him from time to time.

It almost sounds like she is not really viewing it as CS exactly but more like household support for everything/anything?

Is the cost comparable of what his CS would be to what you are paying for billet costs?


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2050 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
msk99
♂ Member
Member # 29293
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It almost sounds like she is not really viewing it as CS exactly but more like household support for everything/anything?

Absolutely she is, had a heated phone call this afternoon, and she thinks any and all expense should be covered by yours truly.

Is the cost comparable of what his CS would be to what you are paying for billet costs?

CS cost is $370 a month ($740/2) and billet costs are $450 a month.


BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced

Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.


Posts: 712 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Alberta
crisp
♂ Member
Member # 34236
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Find out what your likely CS and SS obligations would be in a separation/divorce and act accordingly. Why are you waiting anyway?


Endeavor to persevere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csEzTwKemwY

Posts: 371 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NE US
Topic Posts: 10

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