Hi baby- just got to work. This may be a long text and it is going to start out weird, but trust me... It's a good text. Just bear with me. On my way to work, I saw a girl that reminded me of what I think Kristen looks like- I've only seen a couple of pics, so I am not sure. It wasn't her- but sometimes my brain just goes there. Anyway- I see this girl and my mind starts wandering. What would I say to her if I saw her? My little imaginary coversation begins and it's good because in my head, I was calm and not wanting to yank out her esophagus through her nostrils with my bare hands ( as is often the case).
Anyway- a week or so ago, at soccer- one of the ones with the conversational landmines we accidentally stepped on- you had asked "does none of it count? All of those years- is it all ruined because of this?" Or something similar. Do you know what I realized in my imaginary conversation with her?
My brain actually clicked with my heart in a very good way.
Our time together had not been ruined. Those fifteen years do count. So very much. for certain today I can say- that Those fifteen years do count. So very much. for certain today I can say- that month or so this summer could not possibly erase ALL that we have. There's no way. We are too good- too strong- too real and very much in love.
I love you so much. I am so happy right now. We have a one in a million love- and I believe in us.
His response was very grateful an heartfelt. He let me know that this is one of his biggest fears. I know that we have more to do- but I know that it is worth it.
So that was it. It clicked. We still have work to do. But for today- I am at peace. We are moving forward and it clicked.
Of course next week may be a different story- but I believe in sharing the positive stuff as well. Thank you for being here my friends.
Your post sure is encouraging though. I hope I can get there.
His betrayal of me was not because I didn't shine brightly enough, but because he chose to put on blinders.
Some days I get there myself. Those days I hold on tight to that perspective. Unfortunately for me, I have trouble maintaining my positive thought pattern. I hope with time and repetition, I will make it a permanent perspective.
This I can relate to, although I don't ever have full days that I feel this way, I do have moments.
Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9
And the A years? Absolutely something to learn from. I wrote long ago on SI that growth will come from this experience.
I too was feeling like you at three months - we might have a rough week but then I could grab myself back into the present. Obsessing about the past and wondering what it all means going forward - just can't do that anymore. I have to be here. In the present.
So, keep talking, keep sharing. When you feel angry, try to talk before it gets to rage.
One thing I have learned is that I will crash.
I so get this! I don't know if I should embrace the good feelings or be wary of the fall out after. This is so hard, and I SERIOUSLY commend you for being positive. I need to appreciate the good moments more.