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User Topic: Any regrets if you didn't reconcile?
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a personal decision.

I tried to R but ended up in false R for a year. My STBXW wasn't really remorseful. Took me 2 years to file and I wish I had done it sooner. If it's a dealbreker for you then 2 months from now or 2 years from now it's still going to be a dealbreaker for you. It just takes some of us longer to realize it.

It's truly messed up that as the BS we are the ones that feel put in a position of deciding to save or end the M when the reality of it is the WS killed the M or put it in a comatose state with their A(s). All we are doing is deciding to pull the plug or leave the ventilator on and see if a new M can come out of the ashes of what was.

My advice, decide what YOU want and move forward it's your life and your choice. You didn't cheat your WH did so if anyone should have regets he should. If you haven't, get into IC for yourself and keep postign here. Check out the different forums on the site. Spend time in the R forum AND the D/S forum among others. It's your life and your decision.

At the end of the day even if my STBX was remorseful I still would have left because her A(s) were dealbreakers for me. It just took me a long time to realize that the only way I could move forward in life was without her. I wish you the best.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I regret I didn't boot him out sooner

Add me to this group.

I also regret keeping my young son in a toxic environment while I tried to "save" my marriage.

I can honestly say that I never felt as strong and powerful as I did when I finally filed for divorce and took charge of my life.

Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13807 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not at all. I knew that a life of 'trust but verify' was not for me.


Mine lied to me for 20 years. I might have felt differently if it had just been a one-time mistake.

His "mistakes" were a lifestyle.

Much happier now and we are friendly in spite of everything.

I gave it six months before pulling the plug.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17493 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please google this:
Most people who divorce because of infidelity regret that decision to divorce. (this is not just the person who had the affair)

I would NOT believe everything that comes up on a Google search. I've been on this site for over 7 years, and whenever a topic such as this comes up, there are far more members saying they don't regret it if they chose not to R; at least that is my observation, including this thread.

Some members wished their WS would have given them a chance to even try to R, but that is different.

I divorced my first cheating H and most certainly have no regrets.

The bottom line is that you have to make your own decisions based on your own circumstances.

Posts: 5760 | Registered: Apr 2006
♀ Member
Member # 29698
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a huge huge supporter of divorcing an unremorseful WS. I believe its possible to recover from an affair but its the actions after an affair is discovered that can ultimately kill a marriage. ie trickle truth, fence sitting, continued contact with ap etc.

It sounds like from your post you could have something to work with. Only you can decide that. Also sometimes you can have the most remorseful spouse in the world but an affair is a deal breaker for some people. That is okay too. You have every right to divorce him but YOU have to be the one to make the decision.

Me personally I have absolutely no regrets divorcing my WH. Its gotten to the point where I want to thank him and his fow for the affair because I am so happy to be free of the man child.

Me BW 30
WH 37
Married 4 years
DD 3
(2) DSS 15 & 18

D-day 9/3/10
Kicked him out 9/26/10 for fence sitting
WH served with divorce papers 10/4/10 at his place of employment

No chance of R.
Rebuilding and looking forward to a brig

Posts: 116 | Registered: Sep 2010
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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