Early morning June 1st, WH leaves hotel by taxi to airport to travel back to the Middle East to work for a couple of months. "Bye honey, I love you!" I notice he left his ipod with email open on the night stand. Although I had never had any thoughts of looking at his email before, I do. Shocked and stunned I find what is the beginning of evidence suggesting he has been cheating with prostitutes over a 3 year period.
I have no idea what to do, all I can think of is getting out of there. I run around throwing my things into the car, shaking and crying so hard I can hardly start it. I start driving around, but have no where to go.
WH comes back later that night and I guess we start what is to become R. A living hell until very recently when I have begun to see hope.
Someone asked me yesterday if I "enjoy being scared".....not really.
Let's hear YOUR scary story......
I'm scaring the crap out of myself even thinking through how stupid I am for sticking by this train wreck of a human.
[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 8:37 AM, October 31st (Thursday)]
My spouse of 15 years, my soulmate has had major personality changes, and is being mean to me at every possible chance, is withdrawn, and refuses to tell me what is making him so unhappy. He is gone 50% of the time with his new awesome job that has afforded us to not struggle financially for the first time in a very long time.
Then one morning getting a phone call from my H he is obviously in pain, and short of breath, and voice is weak, and tells me he is the hospital in that city where he goes 50% of the time having a heart attack. This is 2 weeks after his 40th birthday. That is scary shit, telling my kids that dad is sick, and I have to leave to go take care of him, and I am unsure when I will be home, and unsure if dad will be sick for a long time. (Hell I didn't even know if he would live).
That was scary.....Then to have him survive it all, and come home with him to have my hunch somewhat confirmed by his dirty laundry. That was in May, I didn't get my real proof until the End of September.
Good Lord I am amazed I made it through all of it with my sanity intact.
About 5 minutes later open computer, his email is open to correspondence with ow, "I would be super fuckable in this bed!" (photo attached) H replied, "so now you're super fuckable, egomaniac", her reply, "kiss me now asshole".
He left me that day. I haven't loved you for years.
Really scary, possessed? the question really is which one is the real one???? What is the mask??? Alien abduction?
The man who left in the morning kissed me and told me he loved me, the stranger that walked in the door was dangerous, contemptuous, had not loved me for years. You are now entering , The Twilight Zone.
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
attempted R, it was all a lie
WH Comes home from the trip to tell me he has been unhappy for 10 years, that I don't love him and I have been unsupportive of his career and that I treat him like shit!
Do not understand how the OP could change him so easily into the monster he has become or was it always lurking just waiting to come out.
Pre dday, one of my big scares was being on a plane with 3 of my kids and having it crash land. When we were told to brace my young son said to me, "Am I going to die?" I didn't actually know for sure but I said, no son, you are going to grow up and do lots of important things. People on the plane were calling their loved ones to say sorry and I love you. I knew I had to stay strong and focused for my kids. We landed rough and loud with sparks and smoke, but without any injury.
Hmmmm seems to be a correlation in there somewhere to infidelity......
Brace yourself because it's going to be rough, loud and SCARY as HELL! Just am wishing for a couple of those hunky fireman who responded to plane crash to come and escort me out of this nightmare!
Crap. Did I haze out in the shower? What time is it, I wonder, toweling my wet hair as I step from the bathroom to the bedroom. Husband's nightstand right in front of me, his phone glowing, clock up. I lean over to peer at the numbers.
"I'm sorry, babe."
Not numbers. Oh, a text is up. Huh? Babe? I don't remember that text. Wait... its to David?
I can't get the information to link in my head. Babe? David? For one horrible second, the information makes perfect sense: ... Husband's gay? Is this why he turns me down all the time for sex? He has a boyfriend?
I'm trying to process that idea and pick up the phone to look at it more closely.
Bam! A hand circles my wrist suddenly. Husband bolts upright in bed, reaching for the phone with his other hand. "What are you doing?"
He's glaring at me. I'm frozen. My mouth won't move. I stutter, "I was checking the clock... why are you calling David 'babe'?"
Husband's scowl becomes more furious. "I don't appreciate you checking through my phone." He snatches the phone roughly, hurting my hand. With angry movements, he starts deleting things on his phone. "I sent it to the wrong number."
"I wasn't checking..." I manage before I make myself take a deep breath to thaw out. Suddenly, panic makes me quick. I reach for the phone, thinking fast. "Are you getting weird phone calls, too? Let me see if you're getting calls from the same number I am." And I snatch back the phone. I have to have that phone.
Once its in my hand, I can't think and stare blankly at the call log. Husband is holding out his hand for the phone. Without plan, I blurt, "Is David your boyfriend? Has all of this been a lie to cover up you preferring men? Is that why you don't want me?"
Husband blinks. Looks angry and amused. "No."
"I don't understand. You called him 'babe.'" I can't find my balance. It feels like a gravity well has opened just under the floor and everything is heavy.
With a frustrated sigh, husband says, "It says 'David' as a contact, but it's really 'Meghan.' I knew you'd freak out about me talking to her so I had to change her name."
The room is definitely spinning now. Definitely a gravity well. I can't breathe. "Meghan? Your old girlfriend? But you said 'babe'..."
Later that night, after a day of bizarre excuses from husband, I found out about his colleague "Frank" being really "Francesca" as Frank began texting during the first major session of TT and asked why the hell husband was with "ex-wife" talking rather than live-in girlfriend "Dana" when husband answered he was with me and it wasn't a good time.
It was all like some twisted scene staged by Guillermo del Toro.
But then, the closet creaked open... and a hook handed man burst into the room!
Just kidding about that last part. Wish I was about the rest, or the fact that we had another D-Day almost exactly a year later. Happy Halloween, everyone. Here's hoping no one gets any truly terrifying shocks today.
[This message edited by Reality at 2:39 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]
Something told me to check the usage on his cell. I could see hours worth of phone calls that day, but couldn't see who they were to until the bill came.
Within 24 hours of his leaving me, he admitted to an Affair with one of our employees because she "made him feel good about himself".
The rest is history, just like our marriage.
Really scary part was that the letter was dated almost a year after he had actually died. So I was to believe, literally, that I got a letter written and mailed (with postage due, btw) by a dead man in his grave OR just a really dumbass cumdumpster!
[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 4:23 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
And yeah, we've all got such great material, don't we? We're truly dealing with real life horror montages. Hugs to everyone and reminders that Halloween demands everyone has to gorge on candy. It's a rule.
I loved and respected my wife. We were the perfect family, with a 2 yo son and a 5 yo daughter.
It was Christmas Day, 2011. I was suspicious that my wife might have something going on with her boss, due to a growing list of yellow flags. I decided to check her iPhone, but she had changed her password. I REALLY wanted to check it after learning that. So, I asked her if we could listen to her music. She agreed. I picked up her phone and said, "So, what's your new password?" She paused for four loooooong seconds and then said, "Here, I'll do it." I calmly handed her the phone. She quickly typed in the password and handed the phone back to me. I plugged the phone into the speaker system and we listened to several nice Christmas songs.
Plan B. I said, "Lets listen to something else. Hey, your screen is locked again. Can you please change your password to something we can both easily remember?" She grabbed the phone defiantly and said in the oddest tone of voice, "OK. You tell me. What password would your like?" I quickly said, "How about "xwxwxw"?
BINGO. She changed it. I now had access.
I waited for 30 minutes, then just walked up to the phone and picked it up. I walked straight into the bathroom and locked the door. I knew I only had a few seconds, so I opened her email and searched for the word "love". I read the three emails, all between her and her boss. Each ended with "Love you." At first, I thought it had to be a joke between the two of them, but then I read the fateful words from my sweet wife to her boss, "Rest up. I want you healthy for our trip to Houston next week. Love you." (This all happened within 45 seconds.). The thought passed through my mind, 'my life has just changed forever.' In less than one minute of my being in the barhroom, my wife actually knocked on the bathroom door and asked me if I had her phone. I cracked the door open and handed it to her.
Five minutes later I calmly told her that I knew everything and we needed to talk after we got the kids to bed. I walked into the kitchen and poured two scotches. I handed her one and she said, "Thanks." I had a sick feeling we were done.
After the kids got to sleep, my wife and I sat on opposing sofas. I said, "So, you love your boss, huh? Well, since you obviously can't have both of us. What do you want to do?" She said what is now etched in my mind forever - "I'm conflicted." I knew we were done then, and we were. Six months later the D was final.
Ever since i met main ow I knew she was bad news. I told Wh I didn't like her, cried about it, yelled about it, told him not to talk to her etc etc.
I had the wrong person FOR TWO YEARS it was his friend/co-worker doing it all. Never thought for a minute it was his friend/coworker. One girl told me at the end of 2012 that she was sure it was wh she saw with main ow in a room together being all touchy feel.
Nope it was co-worker. That led to me crying and waking him and demanding that he 'stops whatever he's doing'.
This led to him the following year confronting ow and telling her about the rumors. Then she told him that (fill in the blanks ) which led to him telling her that no... it wasn't appropriate.
Then he figured it out it was co-worker friend the whole time. He told me which led to me LAUGHING and saying surely NOT HIM hahaha. Which led to me telling his gf in very few words what wh had told me. Who obviously had said something to her wayward (piecing the puzzle together slowly over a year) Wh believed me and then went and started a up and down sort of affair with TWO GIRLS (ow 1 ended very quickly by wh).
So imagine this OW sitting in the middle with two guys either side of she's trying to bang, her getting an obvious kick out of it! Anyway during this time the co-worker's partner must of increasingly got suspicious because it abruptly stopped between the ow and him. Which led to OW setting her sights lazer point on WH.
During this time I was emotionally and verbally abused by WH and after awhile physically abused. Which then led to WH going "well we're fucked now" and gave himself permission to go through with it. However when the moment came he backed out of it. I found out two weeks later. Found out about ow affair with co-worker 4 months later and have been occasionally putting the pieces together ever since.
Ow is a sick bitch
To have someone whom you want to trust so badly lie to your face. Enough so that you don't even know who they are anymore. And you're married to this stranger.
Scary is the fact that on DDay I had just finished my period and an hour before I got a phone call telling me my H was cheating, he was all over me because it had been a week since we had sex. WTF? He was screwing AP daily.
Scary is just how messed up he was at the time and I didn't see it.
I read threads like this and my body reacts to the memories of d-day. 1999 and 2006. I have to consciously push them aside.
I suppose in that way it affects you as much as other (real vs. manufactured) scary moments do.
❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣
Let's hear YOUR scary story......
I had cancer during his A. He didn't care. Told me later he thought it would be a "cake walk". Omg.......