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User Topic: WH is with OW as I speak...
sueonthemove
♀ New Member
Member # 41145
Default  Posted: 2:21 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I've mentioned before that WH won't end the affair but says he still wants to be with me forever. He's just "decided he doesn't want to be monogamous anymore"... this after DDay in June and then fake R for 3 months.

WH was working with OW an hour away tonight and should be home already (it's midnight here).

After learning in here, I now know how to track his phone and have discovered he is at a park... still in the same town an hour away.

So, I guess he will be getting home at 2am, 3am, who knows... we'll all get up in the morning and be one big happy family again

Bizarre.

This is not the man I thought I knew and loved.

I've been doing the 180 since Monday and am going to stay strong and keep on doing it, but man... this sure isn't easy. Thanks for listening.

[This message edited by sueonthemove at 2:47 AM, November 1st (Friday)]


Me: BS 42
Him: WH 53
OW: desperate, lonely and trashy widow, 60
Together: 18 years
Married: 15 years
3 kids: 14, 11 and 8
D-day #1 6/10/13
False R
D-day #2 9/8/13

Separate bedrooms, same house and he is still with OW.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 2:24 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

keep strong. I know it's hard

I've been doing the 180 since Monday and am going to stay strong and keep on doing it, but man... this sure isn't easy.

It in some ways goes against our first instincts which is to fix things


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
thisissogross
♀ Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 2:26 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you're dealing with this. ((sue))


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 232 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
sueonthemove
♀ New Member
Member # 41145
Default  Posted: 2:29 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Lauren... I know people in here are shaking their heads thinking I should boot him out.

I'm just not ready yet, but I'm getting more and more clear on what I want and after a few nights apart and no discussion about "us"... I am realizing he is a long way from R... and by the time he gets his head out of his ass, there's a good chance I'll have moved on.


Me: BS 42
Him: WH 53
OW: desperate, lonely and trashy widow, 60
Together: 18 years
Married: 15 years
3 kids: 14, 11 and 8
D-day #1 6/10/13
False R
D-day #2 9/8/13

Separate bedrooms, same house and he is still with OW.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013
sueonthemove
♀ New Member
Member # 41145
Default  Posted: 2:30 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks thisissogross...

I am SO GRATEFUL I can talk about this in here!!!


Me: BS 42
Him: WH 53
OW: desperate, lonely and trashy widow, 60
Together: 18 years
Married: 15 years
3 kids: 14, 11 and 8
D-day #1 6/10/13
False R
D-day #2 9/8/13

Separate bedrooms, same house and he is still with OW.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013
timeforchange
♀ Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 2:34 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry to hear this.

This is Cake eating at the worst!!!!!!!

Well done for instigating the 180. This is a great first step towards taking back some control of YOUR life & will hopefully give you some strength to move forward.

Your current situation is untenable in the long term.

You know what your WH wants ... Have you decided what you want?

R is impossible if he does not stop the A and want to R and is ready to do all the work necessary.

At the moment it appears he does not tick any of these boxes.

Have you sought legal and financial advice?

I think this would be a good time to look after yourself, get your ducks in a row, have STD testing and some IC.

As things currently stand your marriage has no future. You can not nice him into being the husband you want and deserve. You deserve so much more.

My advice would be to seriously consider filing for divorce. This will either be a final wake up call for him or the beginning of the end of your current hell.

You have a long road ahead BUT life will get better .... It may be with him, it may be without him.

Feel free to vent here.


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
sueonthemove
♀ New Member
Member # 41145
Default  Posted: 2:34 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ha, I must say this tracker thing is AWESOME. I see he is on his way from the park. It is so much nicer KNOWING where he is than lying her wondering.

But really... what woman is so desperate that she'll settle for an occasional quicky in the park (I know they don't see each other much, but talk/text every day)... with a man who she knows is M with 3 young kids at home and he keeps telling her he'll never leave me.

It's just disgusting.


Me: BS 42
Him: WH 53
OW: desperate, lonely and trashy widow, 60
Together: 18 years
Married: 15 years
3 kids: 14, 11 and 8
D-day #1 6/10/13
False R
D-day #2 9/8/13

Separate bedrooms, same house and he is still with OW.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 2:35 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where is the information about phone tracking posted?

My WW will be leaving again today (Friday) to stay until Sunday night as she has every single weekend for the last 7 months.
She has been seen out with another man by friends but refuses to acknowledge that she has been caught. "Deny everything" is her motto.
I need to make her confront the truth.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
sueonthemove
♀ New Member
Member # 41145
Default  Posted: 2:37 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you timeforchange... that is all awesome advice. I posted in the Just Found Out forum and have heard a lot of the same things (so many helpful people here!!)

I had been continuing to stay in the same room as WH, continuing sex, working on our marriage until Monday... I found this board and got a huge wake-up call.

So, since then.. doing 180.. and getting my ducks in a row


Me: BS 42
Him: WH 53
OW: desperate, lonely and trashy widow, 60
Together: 18 years
Married: 15 years
3 kids: 14, 11 and 8
D-day #1 6/10/13
False R
D-day #2 9/8/13

Separate bedrooms, same house and he is still with OW.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013
sueonthemove
♀ New Member
Member # 41145
Default  Posted: 2:40 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where is the information about phone tracking posted?

I just saw it within a thread somewhere... it's the findmyphone feature on the iphone... I just googled it and it was really easy.


Me: BS 42
Him: WH 53
OW: desperate, lonely and trashy widow, 60
Together: 18 years
Married: 15 years
3 kids: 14, 11 and 8
D-day #1 6/10/13
False R
D-day #2 9/8/13

Separate bedrooms, same house and he is still with OW.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 2:43 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Probably won't work for me then.

Her phone is code locked. It also NEVER seems to leave her hand. I cannot even figure out where and when she charges the thing.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
sueonthemove
♀ New Member
Member # 41145
Default  Posted: 2:49 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Probably won't work for me then.

Her phone is code locked. It also NEVER seems to leave her hand. I cannot even figure out where and when she charges the thing.

His never leaves his hand either, but I got lucky... that feature was already turned to "on" on his phone and we share an itunes account, so I have the password.

He wouldn't even have a clue that this is possible. And I must say, it feels good to be a little sneaky right now


Me: BS 42
Him: WH 53
OW: desperate, lonely and trashy widow, 60
Together: 18 years
Married: 15 years
3 kids: 14, 11 and 8
D-day #1 6/10/13
False R
D-day #2 9/8/13

Separate bedrooms, same house and he is still with OW.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 3:00 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife switched cell service carriers away from our long time shared account to keep me from having access to phone records and account information.

No red flags there, right?

Lol.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
sueonthemove
♀ New Member
Member # 41145
Default  Posted: 3:03 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife switched cell service carriers away from our long time shared account to keep me from having access to phone records and account information.

No red flags there, right?

Lol.

lol, nope... none at all


Me: BS 42
Him: WH 53
OW: desperate, lonely and trashy widow, 60
Together: 18 years
Married: 15 years
3 kids: 14, 11 and 8
D-day #1 6/10/13
False R
D-day #2 9/8/13

Separate bedrooms, same house and he is still with OW.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sue..I am so sorry that you are living with someone that you know is still cheating. Keep your chin up and keep doing the 180 and getting your ducks in a row.

Jim...You can look in the investagative forum for different ways to track your cheating wife if you have access. That's how I finally got all the texting back and forth that WH#2 and OW were doing during False R. Also there are tracking devices and voice activated recorders that you can install in her vehicle which will do the same thing. There is even a halarious thread there about this woman that installed a VAR and it fell in WH's lap when he was parking at work. He thought it was a bomb and called his co-workers out to see it. LOL


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry Sue.
"decided he doesn't want to be monogamous anymore"
I am glad to see that you stopped having sex with him. Guess what? He is monogamous again, just with his OW. Or, until he finds another OW. Really, Sue, please stick to the 180 and do not have sex with him again 1. until you know it is over with OW and 2. he gets STD testing.
what woman is so desperate that she'll settle for an occasional quicky in the park (I know they don't see each other much, but talk/text every day)... with a man who she knows is M with 3 young kids at home and he keeps telling her he'll never leave me.
Exactly, exactly what my situation was, sue, except I had a toddler and two older children. Desperate indeed is the word.

(((sueonthemove)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Sue)))

and he keeps telling her he'll never leave me.

Are you sure about this? If you're going off of what your WH tells you, you are probably not getting the true story. Your WH could be preparing (or has already prepared) for a soft landing when/if you decide to divorce him. Since he is treating you with such disrespect, he probably assumes the marriage is already over. You should keep doing the 180 for your sake, but I doubt very much the 180 will change his behavior at this point.

It is so awful when a WS does what yours does. I have read several infidelity books that have described your situation, but I don't think I will ever understand how someone can be this cruel to their BS?

Please remember to take good care of yourself while this is going on.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 8:50 AM, November 1st (Friday)]


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Posts: 5624 | Registered: Aug 2007
Snapdragon
♀ Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sue, How would he feel about you having another man on the side? Not that you would. But he needs to simply not know where you are or what you are doing sometimes.

You: :::putting on your coat and shoes::: I'm going out. The kids are with you.
Him: Where are you going?
You: Out
Him: To do what?
You: Just stuff
Him: With who?
You: No one you know
Him: What time will you be home?
You: I'm not sure. Bye!



Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3072 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
maddmurph
♂ Member
Member # 40940
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Toss his stuff out. Seriously, pack it up and put it on the front lawn. Or for bonus points dump it at the park where he is.

I wish I could do the findmyphone on my wife's phone. We don't have iphones though.

I do get her texts and phone calls backed up to another email account.


Me - BS, 33
Her - WW, 33
DS 7, DD 3

Posts: 129 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: OH
sueonthemove
♀ New Member
Member # 41145
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sue, How would he feel about you having another man on the side? Not that you would. But he needs to simply not know where you are or what you are doing sometimes.

He says I should! Although I'm sure his tune would change if it happened!

I think it's a good idea to disappear at night... I'm in a new town with very few friends... not sure where I'd go alone, but I'm going to have to get creative!


Me: BS 42
Him: WH 53
OW: desperate, lonely and trashy widow, 60
Together: 18 years
Married: 15 years
3 kids: 14, 11 and 8
D-day #1 6/10/13
False R
D-day #2 9/8/13

Separate bedrooms, same house and he is still with OW.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 37
Pages: 1 · 2

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