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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I don't like this...
♀ Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, what a relief!

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 955 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are only one year out. You have a long way to go.

I am SO GLAD that he decided to stay home. I wouldn't have been able to handle him leaving, either.

I wonder who I am each and everyday. I never used to be the way I am now, but at the same time I realize that a bomb has been dropped on me, and I don't know where I'm going to end up. If he thinks I'm a little emotional at times, too bad!

Keep doing what you're doing, and know that you are completely normal in your feelings. It will eventually get better!

Oh, and the staying home and watching TV thing? WTH?? I would have been hurt by that! Especially if he didn't communicate with you that whole time and you thought he was at work.. are completely normal!!!


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so glad too that you got some relief. I could so feel your emotions and identified with your fear. It is so hard to have fear in your own home and I have that too when alone. You just feel this danger and threat and helplessness against defending yourself about the unknown of what is really happening "out there".
I really did not want you to have to be alone at this time.
Hugs to you

DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the kind words and for making me feel "normal".

It was terrible finding this out at work. I don't think he really understands that I am just different now. Before, I wouldn't have thought a thing, would have been happy for him, go have a great time.

Now, at this time nothing is simple. I told h these are not normal times. I don't fear him cheating, that is not the fear. The fear is the anxiety, the pit I can still descend into so easily and I am finding these weeks to be hell. The images, the this day last year, it is still so very painful.

If h had not come back, I would have moved, I would not have stayed in this house. I lived through so much pain in these rooms, while I was alone, when he would come back and say terrible things to me. I still want to move.

Anyway he did make the right decision for me. I wanted to talk to his sister and thank her for understanding and make sure she knew it was not that I didn't want him to spend time with her but the timing was just too difficult for me.

I am feeling a bit paranoid, she had been on the phone with h last night. I called her and hour later and she didn't pick up. I left a message and she hasn't returned my call. Wondering if she just thinks I am a bitch or a total nut job.

Let it go, more important things...

"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
♀ Member
Member # 41222
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cantaccept I feel for you, but what a relief he has put you first and is staying home.

This thread has raised so much for me. I found out at the end of September he had cheated and since then he has been home for 6 days in total. He refused to cancel his business trips because of his "reputation".

I asked him to cancel the latest one because I couldn't bear to live through more days and nights on my own. But he said no. He's away now and its killing me.

DD#1 - 6th Oct 13 - TT
DD#2 - 9th Nov 13 - Full disclosure
DD#3 - 12th May 14 - FOG lifted and in R
7 week A, 2 weeks together, rest phone and email - PA and EA

Posts: 491 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39073
Default  Posted: 3:05 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I relate to what you are saying. My WH wanted to go to a concert in the same area as his affair with OW at the same time the year before that he met her and the EA exploded. I was heartbroken and triggering like crazy. He wanted to go so bad, he ignored my tears and pleas and pushed and pushed until I said go ahead. He bought the tickets and made his plans...I couldn't go because someone had to be here with our son. It was our MC that told him he couldn't go. He was shocked and almost started crying. Then I felt relieved and guilty at the same time.

You are not a baby for triggering or not feeling okay with being left . You are wanting your husband to be thinking about you, putting you first, making your needs and feelings a priority. That is the way it should be. It makes it hard when another person is involved especially someone like his sister. Hopefully she can understand that you have been traumatized and need your husbands help to get through this.

I would be bugged too if my husband took the day off to watch TV instead of using a day off to spend time with me especially when our marriage has been so damaged by his selfish behavior.

I just read your update. I'm glad you are not going to have to suffer through that visit. If your sister-in-law doesn't understand, your husband needs to get with it and explain what he did and how it has hurt you.

Our marriage counselor told my WH that the affair was like a nuclear bomb that exploded. There is deep trauma and it was caused by what he did. I don't think my WH got it but at least I felt that someone understood how it feels.

Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email

Posts: 188 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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