Thank you for the kind words and for making me feel "normal".
It was terrible finding this out at work. I don't think he really understands that I am just different now. Before, I wouldn't have thought a thing, would have been happy for him, go have a great time.
Now, at this time nothing is simple. I told h these are not normal times. I don't fear him cheating, that is not the fear. The fear is the anxiety, the pit I can still descend into so easily and I am finding these weeks to be hell. The images, the this day last year, it is still so very painful.
If h had not come back, I would have moved, I would not have stayed in this house. I lived through so much pain in these rooms, while I was alone, when he would come back and say terrible things to me. I still want to move.
Anyway he did make the right decision for me. I wanted to talk to his sister and thank her for understanding and make sure she knew it was not that I didn't want him to spend time with her but the timing was just too difficult for me.
I am feeling a bit paranoid, she had been on the phone with h last night. I called her and hour later and she didn't pick up. I left a message and she hasn't returned my call. Wondering if she just thinks I am a bitch or a total nut job.
Let it go, more important things..."So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
attempted R, it was all a lie