He has been working overseas fly in, fly out for the last couple of years and while going 1 month at a time apart is hard we thought it was worth the short term sacrifice for a better future. It was paying off we just bought a much bigger and better house. I had everything moved while he was away so he wouldn't have to worry about it on his short time at home.
And then it all shattered in a minute. He had been to the Drs (about a sore foot I thought) and he CALLED me "The Dr said I have Chlamydia"..... My head and heart were pounding. He slept with somebody else on a business trip to Indonesia. It is such a cliché.
I thought if this ever happened to me I would be upset, furious, uncontrollable but instead I am calm, quiet, collected. I guess this is shock, or denial?
I know that I would survive without him but I don't know if I want to, I did really love him but how can he be the same man I married?
I suddenly don't know who I am anymore because my whole life was built around him. All I can think about is the things in my life that I can change. I have hated my job for a while now, maybe I should find a new one. My car is so expensive to run, maybe I should buy something cheaper and more economical? Maybe it is time I started putting me first and find time to go the gym?
There are so many thoughts in my head and yet none of them seem to be dealing with the situation. I feel numb but I want to feel something - anger, sadness, anything.
The shock of disclosure can be tremendous with a variety of emotions. You discuss being calm right now, but your emotions can change at lightening speed. It would be normal to experience depression, anger, rage, sadness etc. Sometimes several of them in one hour.
Right now, you do not have to make any decisions. You need to take care of yourself, and your daughter. Eat, drink and try to sleep. You have time to make other decisions. Has your husband said anything else?
It will be normal for him to try to minimize the affair and try to hide facts. It doesn't seem often that someone comes clean immediately. I do commend him for telling you however.
Make sure you get an appointment with your GYN and be tested for all the STD's. It is embarrassing, but necessary.
When is he supposed to be home next? You will need to start thinking how to handle. Will you let him back, will you do an in house separation, will you be willing to reconcile. Once again, you do not have to make decisions now.
Keep posting, there are others that will respond. The weekends are a little slow.
Hugs to you.
Use this time to take care of YOU. Be good to yourself and take lots of time to think things out. If you want you can also see counselors and get an appointment (often free on first consult) with a Lawyer just to know your rights and options, in case your WS suddenly gets dirty and stops support etc. Unfortunately it happens.
Read everything in the Healing Library including about the 180, which will help you get stronger. It is in the BS FAQs #11. Buy books and read read read.
A lot will depend on how he handles things now that you know. I would also make copies of all financially related papers while you have easy access, "just in case". Also check his phone records and emails if you can. Sadly they usually lie until confronted with hard evidence.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. We are here to help 24/7. hugs.