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User Topic: Your opinions desperately needed please
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not bashing the Catholic Church, but lets keep it factual, please. I was raised Catholic and most of my family who I love dearly are Catholics. I have no ax to grind. However, I am no longer a practicing Catholic.

Absolutely! Far from bashing, I have actually wanted to convert to RC for quite a while. They cannot take me due to my membership in another ancient fraternal organization, however.
I very much respect the Roman Church

Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not only did my husband betray me but our best friend also a priest knew he was having an affair and did nothing,another friend I told about it was also a priest and gave me no help as it turned out he was having an affair and has since left his wife and two young children. Also I tried to talk to my brother in law about the abuse and physical bruises my WH had caused me and he did not want to know and yes he was a priest in C of E too !!!

First of all, I'm so sorry. Your BIL should've protected you. He has a duty to the church of Christ that should come before any "brotherhood" he might believe there is in the C of E. If that makes sense. You deserve to have someone speak for you when you can't speak for yourself, to have someone stand in the way of harm for you when you can't. That's supposedly why they went into service I would assume.

Secondly, while we are all sinners, not all church officials are corrupt. My pastor actually got fired for speaking out against his previous head pastor. The HP was having an A and my pastor felt that it should stop. He wasn't going to be complacent. Instead the HP made everyone believe that my pastor was trying to cause trouble. He got fired. It was only later that everyone found out he was telling the truth and the HP was cheating.

Even at the risk of his job, one man spoke out. They are not all weak.

I've learned that we don't follow people. Or even a religion. We read the scripture, we pray, we seek the counsel of people who bear the Fruit of the Spirit. Humans will fail us. Sometimes utterly and catastrophically.

Please seek help from a women's shelter if your WH is still hurting you. He does not have a right to abuse you any more than he has a right to cheat on you.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If there's physical abuse going on, it doesn't sound like he's remorseful or has repented. Please speak to someone outside the church if you feel unsafe to speak with someone involved in the church.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since we are talking religion. Absolutely NOT.
If we as women are allowed to divorce our spouses because of adultery I believe he should never hold a position where he is the KISA? KWIM? He likes that power and seems to be missing it. I am sorry honey but I don't think he gets it.. If he did he wouldn't think it is ok to go back.
Have you attended MC?

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he is truly repented and makes amends than I would say OK. In fact he might be a good support person for someone who is having similar issues. BUT ONLY if he has truly repented and made amends as well as confessing to his church leaders.

BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.

Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Gently, it sounds as if what really matters here is that you can't abide by your H's infidelity. Is his infidelity a deal breaker for you?

If it is, that's OK. You are not obligated to offer a chance to R. Remember - adultery is a legitimate reason for D for all Christian denominations I know of. For Jews, too, adultery is a cause for D. (Besides, IIRC, the C of E broke with Rome in order to allow a big D....)

You asked if SIers think a priest/pastor/vicar can serve as minister after cheating. The consensus seems to be 'Yes, if s/he has repented.' That seems to be the official C of E position, too.

Does that give you peace? If not, what do you need to have some peace over this issue?

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10384 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♀ Member
Member # 26326
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for all your replies and concern. My WH is very remorseful and has done 28 weeks of domestic abuse counselling and is seeing his IC again.I have also had 10 months of IC and am aware of his unacceptable behaviour now.It took a long time to accept that I was in an abusive relationship as I had grown up with a controlling father.We are still a work in progress even after 30 years!
Interestingly I was at a restaurant tonight talking to a Vicar who is a co-trustee with me for a charity. I asked him about whether a priest should be allowed to continue in the church after adultery. He doesn't know about my WH. He said his associate priest used to be a vicar but had committed adultery in the past and had had to resign. He also said that he was not happy that he had been allowed back by his bishop and feels that he should no longer be a priest.If a politician was an adulterer would we want him to be in charge of family politics? If he was a thief, repented did his time in prison would we want him back as our MP and if we did let him be a politician again would we want him to be in charge of finance? What about doctors who break their code of practice. After repenting and being remorseful do we allow them to continue to practice their medicine in the same way? My Vicar also suggested that a repentant priest should not be put back into a similar situation where he was tempted before.

ME.BS 55
Him.WS 55 and a priest!
D-DAY 12/07/09
D-DAY-2 14/08/09
MARRIED 25 YEARS ON 25/08/09
TWO CHILDREN 20 and 22.

Posts: 160 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
♂ Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you are making apples-to-apples comparisons. You contrast occupations to their malpractice - - not occupations to whether cheating matters.

If a doctor committed malpractice, I would not want that doctor to treat me. However, if the doctor cheated on his spouse, but was the most expert surgeon in his field, I would definitely want him to treat me.

The very best I/T security resources are former hackers. They know how to steal data. If they are also cheaters, what do we care so long as they are expert hackers.

Likewise my plumber. Do I hope he is faithful to his wife? I guess so. But do I care whether he is faithful to his wife or do I care whether he can fix the leak in my downstairs bathroom?

However, when a religious rep is cheating on his vows, it is not a matter of whether he can perform the ritual correctly or offer an interesting sermon. It is more about whether he can really mean what he says while doing the opposite. Religion is not an occupation - - it is a calling.

It is sort of like a parent claiming that they provide really great care for their children but don't really love them at all. Does it matter that they can say and do the right things if they do not mean it?

Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 28
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