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User Topic: Visiting another "resort"
Lowlow
♀ Member
Member # 38653
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that we've recently had discussions about the stupid shit our WS's have said. Mine has said his fair share. However, there's one thing he said that really, truly worries me, which is why I started this thread.

He used to call his OP a "resort" ( to her face). In various emails btw himself and OP (which I discovered post-DD), he says that even if he can't ever visit her resort again, he will find another one to visit.

Fast forward seven months.... He's doing his best. We are both in IC and MC, but he hasn't answered many of my A-related questions, the resort question being one of them...

My question to you folks is, can/should I press for this? If so, how? Is this a question that I should ask in MC or something we should try to hash out on our own? We have lots of additional challenges right now (recent deaths, serious illnesses and my badly fractured elbow...) so I'm not sure if this is the "best" time to broach this(like there ever is)...

Recovery is not for sissies

[This message edited by Lowlow at 2:05 AM, November 4th (Monday)]


Me (BS) 42 Him (FWS) 43
AP#2 (LTA EA/PA) DD #1 16 Feb 2013
AP#1 (LTA EA with my BF) DD #2 16 Nov 2013
Married 11 years, T 19 years
Reconciling

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 2:27 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you expressed that you would like this to be a goal in the therapeutic process? That you see it as necessary for your healing?

Sex addicts, as part of their treatment process, prepare a "full disclosure" of their sexual acting history from the time the primary relationship was exclusive. It might be helpful if your H and his therapist worked on preparing one like this to give you a timeline of the affair and any other lies that went on during the affair. Most of the time the level of detail is toned down and clinical. There are examples of this on various sites on the Internet. There is absolutely a therapeutic value to this - for both people (WS and BS). This can be one of your boundaries.

My SAWH is 4 months into his treatment with CSAT and D-day was in early march…so I would expect that your H would be at a stage where he'd be able to produce a timeline of the affair and answer your questions.

ETA…you should definitely ask in MC and the therapist should help your H prepare the disclosure letter as well as be present to support you both when he reads it to you. This is very standard practice from what I understand.

[This message edited by womaninflux at 2:29 AM, November 4th (Monday)]


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Press! To me it sounds like he is saying he will eventually cheat again. He needs to get to the root of why he thought it was okay to do this in the first place, especially during your treatments. That takes a special kind of man. (NOT a compliment!)

I know there's a lot on your plate right now, but you need to press what the Hell he meant by that!

(((Lowlow)))


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
fourever
♀ Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is no longer about him! This is about you, and what you need to heal. Personally, if he can't offer that, why the heck would you accept his scraps?

What he said is that he's going to go on the prowl again. He needs some serious reality. Take control of your life, he didn't do so well!


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Lowlow
♀ Member
Member # 38653
Concerned  Posted: 8:49 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. Having given this a sober second thought, I'm definitely going to press him on this. Maybe before MC.

He has been good otherwise...too bad he disrespected me for so long. Too bad I let him walk all over me. Not again! Never again!

Luckily I have IC tomorrow.

None of us deserved this hell


Me (BS) 42 Him (FWS) 43
AP#2 (LTA EA/PA) DD #1 16 Feb 2013
AP#1 (LTA EA with my BF) DD #2 16 Nov 2013
Married 11 years, T 19 years
Reconciling

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First of all...eew. What woman wants to hear that if her sex partner can't f--- her...he will just find someone else?

I would bring it up in MC, because I would feel like I could get an honest answer in there.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Lowlow
♀ Member
Member # 38653
Angry  Posted: 9:13 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well OP dished it out too. In another email to him, she says he keeps her from her younger friends and that's why she dislikes him.... But I guess not enough to stop fucking him

I feel like I'm in high school again.


Me (BS) 42 Him (FWS) 43
AP#2 (LTA EA/PA) DD #1 16 Feb 2013
AP#1 (LTA EA with my BF) DD #2 16 Nov 2013
Married 11 years, T 19 years
Reconciling

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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