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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How much time do they need?
starmoonchild
♀ Member
Member # 39117
Default  Posted: 3:21 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question is this...how much time do my FWS and the OW need together if they are seeing each other again? Will they make do with 10 - 15 minutes if that's all they can manage? I have a cellphone recon on my FWS cellphone so I know where he is at all times, and can read all texts and know when and from whom he receives texts and calls from. But it still seems there are things happening that are just too coincidental to believe are just "happening", you know what I mean? I also strongly "feel" her around...it's an intuitive thing, hard to explain.

Posts: 73 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 6:03 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They don't need to see each other, period.

Why would they even need 15 minutes?

EDIT - ok, sorry. Yes, they would make due, and he may have a burner phone if he knows you can access this one. It's very common. Look for strange chargers, etc.

[This message edited by painfulpast at 6:05 AM, November 4th (Monday)]


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you are going to see a 4th time...

it's an intuitive thing, hard to explain

I get you without any explanation.

What does he do to make himself worthy of you?


Posts: 2677 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
starmoonchild
♀ Member
Member # 39117
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I have thought about another phone, he could easily keep it in his truck, which he uses for work daily but which we rarely travel in, and it's such a mess he could hide an elephant in there! He treats me like gold most of the time, except for when I get suspicious and ask him why he went to a certain place, etc. Last week I asked him one of those questions and after I mentioned it again, he said "Well, I'm not perfect, I wish I was...!" He seems to be completely changed and faithful and then Bam something he does makes me think....what? Last week I knew his birthday was coming up and Friday was the last day before it that he would be accessible to her, and I waited all week to see just what would happen on Friday. Of course that afternoon he suddenly had to make a job related trip to within 5 minutes of where she lives. He said he just had to get something taken care of, that it couldn't wait as he'd been putting it off. Why Friday, why at 5:00 p.m. just when she is finished work? They may have only had 10 to 15 minutes, though, so that's why I'm wondering if that was enough for them? And most of the time, it's always late in the day Friday that these things come up. She does not, according to her facebook, have a new boyfriend, and it's been almost a year since the 3rd D-Day. She is outgoing, talkative, flirts with guys and is not unattractive...why no new guy?

Posts: 73 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's extremely hard to R when the aps are still in any contact at all with each other, so even 15 minutes would make me want to impose sanctions, if it were my W.

How come you're OK with 15 minutes of contact? Or am I misreading you?


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10163 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
starmoonchild
♀ Member
Member # 39117
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not okay with it at all, just saying that "if" he went out there to see her, according to the GPS I have on him, it would have been seeing each other only 10 to 15 minutes....and is that enough for them?

Posts: 73 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
starmoonchild
♀ Member
Member # 39117
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I mean, would they bother with that little amount of time, or am I just being paranoid?

Posts: 73 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, these people settle for crumbs...


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
meplusfour
♀ Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, I find it impossible to understand the reasoning and the though processes of my fWH during his A. Whether there is contact for fifteen minutes or thirty minutes or one hour, the reality is that if there is any contact, initiated by WH or OW, R is not possible. Perhaps the question should be "Are you willing to tolerate any contact between your WH and OW?" If the answer is "no", then you can determine whether there will be any consequences to his actions. If you answer is "yes,"....I am at a loss what to say.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 368 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
starmoonchild
♀ Member
Member # 39117
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not willing to tolerate any contact whatsoever, and cannot prove there was any, just that he went out to within 5 minutes of where she lives on a Friday afternoon, and his birthday was Sunday. The consensus seems to be that yes, they would meet for such a short amount of time. Other than having the phone call/text message/GPS tracker on him, I do not know what else to do to find out if he's seeing her. Also, as I said, I sense her presence. I would have him followed, but his job takes him everywhere around our city, it would be hard and costly. It's so difficult to R when you have these things hanging over your head.

Posts: 73 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 10

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