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User Topic: Fate's cruel trick...
heartbroken2012
♀ Member
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I have to share. The A started in November, and went through December. I am naturally more on edge. Told WH that these months would be hard and I need extra effort. He understands.

I am SOOOO panicky, and having major panic attacks. I am on RED alert for some reason. I get worried. I am suspicious about everything (even tho WH has been transparent, supportive, open). I am more self conscious.

This weekend my WH and I had a talk. We found out that the OW is getting moved to his group...so he will have to see her weekly, etc). He specifically moved groups to be away from her. So I am freaked. I am upset. He promises me that this will NOT happen. He said he is going to talk to his boss and then his boss's boss about the move he made (they know) and how this cannot and shouldnt be allowed. He wants to get this changed. it is not completely set in stone, and when the announcement was made they mentioned there could be transfers. So he promised if she didnt get moved...he would transfer. Well that was 2 weeks ago...the change is to happen in December. He still has not spoke to his boss etc. So I am getting nervous...as time is getting on and it might take a while to change this. Im getting a little disappointed that he hasnt done this yet. But he is adament that he will NOT work with her.

We also spoke about how its weird that she is always behind him or in front of him (directly) when he picks me up and the way she drives, and how much we see her. He also agreed its weird. And he told me that he CANT STAND the sight of her. He hates her for trying to break up two families (yes he doesnt mention his part) and how she is so ugly, and he cant stand the sound of her big mouth. Etc.

Im just feeling very fragile and panicky. Im stressed and messed up about this being the month the A started and I think back to things that happened this month a year ago. It just makes me sick.

My WH is trying to be lovie and sweet. But sometimes he clicks and is defensive. Example...last night we were discussing my brother and his gf. And he mentioned that one of her friends should tell her what my brother said (it was mean)so she knows. I told him that no one will because ulitmately no one cares about others relationships because it doesnt effect them...such as someone could know about two people having an affair and not tell the brtrayed wife or husband...they dont want to be the bearer of bad news. MY husband snapped and said "stop making this about us, its not about us, and when are you going to stop this?!"


This December thing has me really bothered. This month in general.


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 551 | Registered: Jan 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((heartbroken))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25765 | Registered: Aug 2011
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's probably because I'm a disgruntled bs but as I read this, first thought, is he stalling and putting off, then going to say its too late to talk to his boss. Not necessarily because he wants her to be in his group but perhaps he doesnt want to deal with asking his boss. I'm prob way off but unfortunately that's how my mind works now.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
MsRukia
♀ Member
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh I hear you and can relate. November is a huuuuge trigger month for me too. Is your WH being supportive overall? Is he remorseful ? If he is you should be able to lovingly confront him. He said he would do it , and he needs to follow through. If he doesn't that further errors trust . Not to mention it can openness doors for contact again with OW.


BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
heartbroken2012
♀ Member
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so pleased! On our break (and without the email telling my husband my concerns being sent) he came right out and told me that he has set up a meeting with his boss tomorrow to discuss the December change.

I am so happy!

Now hopefully something can be done to prevent the OW from working in the same group as WH.


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 551 | Registered: Jan 2013
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((heartbroken2012)))

I will keep my fingers crossed for all of this to be resolved before December!!

This is the month my WH started his stupid A a year ago, too. What, was Thanksgiving just going to be THAT TOUGH last year?? WTH??


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((heartbroken2012)))

Yes I too hope everything works out.

November is a trigger month for me too. Caught my WH and MOW together with VAR on Thanksgiving Day Our last Dday.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has your H entertained the thought of seeking employment elsewhere?

I understand that this does not happen over night but it is possible. My WH started seeking a new job just days after Dday. It took 6 months but he secured a new job, in a new state. Despite the fact that his new position is 3 level down from his old one this was such a positive move; he NEVER runs the risk of ever working/seeing POS MOW.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 5:42 PM, November 4th (Monday)]


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2123 | Registered: Nov 2011
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome!! I'm glad I was mistaken


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 9

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