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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Please help
Ambermoon
New Member
Member # 41173
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so angry right now that i can barely stand it. I don't know how I am ever going to let this go. I am afraid I am going to go back to him.
I have thought he was cheating on me for the past year. I always knew something was up but never got solid proof. He would disappear for a night every few weeks and we broke up over it every time. He NEVER said he was sorry or explained where he was. It was just forgotten. He would not answer directly and somehow always diverted me away from getting the answer. I still don't know how he did that and I let it happen. It still confuses me how he can do this time and time again and I can let it go and believe he did nothing even though there was no explanation. He then said this last time that he was doing drugs when he disappeared and then he had never cheated on me. He said he was quitting the drugs and promised me there never had been another woman. I believed him. He moved in with me. He does have his own house but decided to move in with me because his electric was turned off. He was treating me GREAT and things were better than ever but his paycheck was gone every week with no explanation to where it went. I never saw evidence of him using drugs either. He wasn't paying any of his bills either.... truck was ready to repossesed, cell phone was ready to be shut off... where was the money going. I know he was working because I would take him his dinner there every night. He always joked ALOT about wanting to buy a whore and would I mind. Now I am wondering if that is his addiction? Maybe he wasn't kidding. He would talk about it all the time in a weird way. He would never tell me where his money went. He would say I don't know but how can $700 a week go missing? And somehow it never got answered... just distracted from conversation and then forgotten. He did say he was working late a few nights and didn't come home and went to his own house instead of coming here. He said he just wanted to check on house. I was suspicious but once again it got brushed off somehow and he kept me happy without me knowing the truth. He would sometimes say he was helping a friend and then I would see that friend but he would still deny it. or just laugh or say he had to call his work and then it was forgotten. How does he do this to me? He has been keeping his cell phone off and texting in the bathroom. I have been suspiscious but he has been overly loving and once again, it got forgotten. And somehow brushed off without me ever knowing the truth. I don't know how he does this to me. I don't know how I keep allowing things to happen without getting an answer. He has this weird way about him - I am baffled. And then a picture popped up on his phone of a half naked women and I freaked out and kicked him out. He said it was a porn website that spammed him. It was a lie because it was a local number and not a professional porn pic. I know this is why he never keeps his phone around me. I knew he was hiding something. I went to his house immediately after kicking him out to get some of my things and I found open rubber packages in his bed. He has been meeting women at his house all this time. I confronted him and he said he never cheated. He said he doesn't know how they got there. Then he said he put them there on purpose as a joke for me to find them. I cried and begged for him to be truthful and he just ignorned me. I haven't seen him in one week. But he will text me at midnight and ask me to bring a heating pad to his house cause his back hurts acting like none of this is happening. He texted me last night just saying Hey. I finally responsed to him today and told him that he is nuts and asked how he could do this to me and he said what? I told him how much he hurt me and he said really. He just kept responding with one word to every text that didn't even relate to what I was asking him. I realize this is what he always does to me until I drop it and then he will act normal. I know I am not making sense but I am raving mad and upset. I just texted him that I was seeing someone else and asked him to leave me alone and he replied what?
And I am so angry that I want to drive there and scream at him. But he is acting like he has no clue what I am talking about... I don't know how to handle this. And I want him to beg me back and WHY. Am i nuts? He is playing major games with me and I am falling into the game and losing. I cannot understand how he can never give me a straight answer and it gets dropped. How does he do that? I don't even realize it is happening until a day later and then I am like - I still don't know where he was or where his money went. But I know if I bring it up then he will start acting all weird like he is acting now so I just drop it. I am not a dumb weak woman but I sound lke one. And now that I know he is cheating, I have to stay away. But it is like I am drawn to him like a drug. I am so scared right now. I think he is finding this all to fun for him. I know he doesn't believe me when I say I am done because I have done this a million times and I always take him back. So he isn't taking me serious. I just need someone to help me see what it the truth here. I feel like I am going crazy.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
Ambermoon
New Member
Member # 41173
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And he just text again and said hey babe want to CUM over?

What is wrong with him?
What is wrong with me for even caring?
I am freaking out.


Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
Ambermoon
New Member
Member # 41173
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And when we were together he claimed he loved me. He always said if I ever cheated on him it would kill him. That i am his world....
What is going on???

Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amber,

This man is bad news even if he isn't cheating. He has $700 a week disappearing while he was living with you because he couldn't pay the electric bill? He may not even really be going to work. In any case, if you take him back, he is going to take you right down the toilet with him while he's flushing his own life away. You know in your gut what he's been doing and you know what you really need to do...block his number.

You deserve better than this.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4033 | Registered: Sep 2005
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Ambermoon))) He is GASLIGHTING the hell out of you and lying and denying!!! My H gaslighted me so bad I thought I was losing my mind. But I knew I really wasn't, and I knew he was cheating, which he years later confessed to finally.

That porn comment, I heard the same from my H, "someone must have sent me some spam from a porn site"...yeah, LIES, LIES, LIES!!! My Dad found a bunch of hidden porn files on the computer. H STILL denied. Freaking liar!!! Busted and he still denied.

The disappearing money, I've been through that too! I never found out where it went.

This guy is BAD NEWS, he is TOXIC!!! Your intuition is telling you the truth about him, listen to it! But if you want proof, hire a PI and you will get the proof you need!

RUN. SAVE YOURSELF! There are decent, good men out there and you can find one who will treat you with respect like you deserve.

Start doing the 180 on him, it will help you DETACH from his insanity.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9694 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Block.Him.Now. Send him back to live in his un-electrified house.

The way that you stop falling for his shit and playing his games.....is to take your ball and go home.

I cannot understand how he can never give me a straight answer and it gets dropped

Distraction and deflection. *You* have to stay on point and not waver.

However. You need to *go dark* on this guy. Total shut-down.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7940 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Ambermoon
New Member
Member # 41173
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He keeps texting me saying he wants to do all these sexual things to me... I told him repeatedly that it is over and to leave me alone and that I am seeing someone else. He said he doesn't care who I fuck as long as i still fuck him. I am completely and totally shocked. He has never spoken like this to me. He has always said he loves me and we weren't in a casual relationship. We were talking about marriage 2 weeks ago and now he is acting like I am his whore. I just told him that I would have him arrested if he sent me another vulgar text and he has stopped but my heart is broken.
How can he be so cruel to me? Treat me like I am just some whore?
I am devastated. How can someone act like this and do this. I don't even know this person he is.... everything has been a lie. This is how he has probably been talking to all the other women he has been chatting with and sleeping with. HOW CAN ANYONE DO this?

Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry I couldn't read all of your text... my eyes aren't quite tracking correctly, but from what I did understand, this guy is BAD NEWS.

PLEASE stop taking his calls. PLEASE block his number.

When you tell him over and over again to leave you alone, you are reinforcing his behavior because you are responding to him.

I'm sorry to have to say this, but you may also have to file a restraining order against him if you feel threatened or if he has threatened you.

How can he do this? Because he can, and he has gotten away with it before. He is showing his true colors, and telling you who he is. It's best to listen!

[This message edited by Hope2B at 2:00 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo

Posts: 353 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
mainlyinpain
♀ Member
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 2:15 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel for your confusion. Been there. A counselor told me we are confused because we can in no way relate to them. She said think of them as some alien being and stop thinking they will think or act or feel like you do.
To me he sounds like he is texting while high. And just wants a booty call.
Just give him the boot without the call.
Save yourself.
He sounds like a pathological liar and a narcissist.
Hugs to you.


DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 485 | Registered: Apr 2013
NoAnswers37
♀ Member
Member # 40592
Default  Posted: 4:08 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, honey, please get away from this guy.

Even I am creeped out about how he is acting towards you. It's like he is getting a buzz from the control he has over you - perhaps this is a case of NPD? Someone else here may know more about that one...

Seriously, please please please do not give him what he wants - he is very slowly chipping away at you and a few days ago you were so STRONG - I know that is still in you. Dig deep honey and let us know what is happening.

Well done on telling him you would contact the police. No one should ever speak to anyone like that and you are not his whore. No way!!

Sending strength, you can do this. You just need to be the one to stop it.


Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending

Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
LAFA
♂ Member
Member # 31868
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You gotta make this guy history immediately. Whatever there was is long gone and will never improve. Strength and peace to you.

Edit: spelling

[This message edited by LAFA at 7:01 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]


When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were talking about marriage 2 weeks ago and now he is acting like I am his whore

My dear, you have just dodged a gigantic bullet.

This man let his mask slip so you saw the REAL person. Something is really wrong with him. He is not well psychologically and if you continue with him you are putting your well being in grave danger.

I know this hurts you badly, but you were involved with a fantasy, and illusion and you were not seeing what was really in front of you. He tricked you.

Lots of us here have been fooled too. Like me.

Please. please leave. Save yourself.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2647 | Registered: Jan 2010
heforgot
♀ New Member
Member # 40850
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Change your phone number. Change your locks. This guy sounds like nothing but trouble. You're worth more than that.


Me: BW, 44
Him: WH, 47
3 kids
Married 19 years
DDay 11/1/09
Status: R and more in love than before!

Posts: 50 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: USA
ascian
♂ Member
Member # 40304
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you don't want to change your phone number, many carriers will let you block certain numbers. My wife and I did that for her AP after I found out about her affair, and it was pretty easy to do.


Me - BH 39
Her - FWW 36
D-Day: 8/13
Working on R

Posts: 281 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
Ambermoon
New Member
Member # 41173
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not going to work today. I feel horrible.
I haven't heard from him since I told him that I would have him arrested if he continued to send me vulgar text messages. I reread everything from last night and once again, I am just crushed and confused. He was enjoying it. I could tell. He was saying really inappropriate sexual things. I was trying to reason with him. It is pathetic to read. He never once acknowledged what I said.... just talked of what he wanted to do to me and that no one would even fuck me as good as him and that I know that I want him and always will cause he is so good in bed. UGH.It is disgusting. And he treated me like a whore and nothing more.
I know you all said he is bad news. I agree. I know you said I need to stay away from him. I agree.
But I just can't seem to let this go. Not him but the way he is treating me. I want to get him to talk to me and treat me as a normal person who he has hurt and this is keeping me hooked.... I want this so badly from him that I feel like talking to him until I get this apology.
What type of sick cycle am I in? And how do I break free?

Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
NoAnswers37
♀ Member
Member # 40592
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you in IC?

Also, if these messages are in any way sexually threatening you need to contact the police... especially as you say he was enjoying intimidating you and is showing no remorse.

Do you feel safe on your own or when he is around?

I agree with the others, he is a very sick man and you need to make sure you are physically safe first and then you can work on your emotions, which we will help you with as much as possible.


Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending

Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get to a Doctor NOW. If this man is fooling around on you who knows what disease he might have passed on.
Drop him and get to a Doctor and get tested ASAP.
In a few months you will look back on this and realize what a lucky break to be away from this person. He is a huge Asshole and totally bad news. You can see it clearly now so get yourself moving.

Posts: 1042 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just know that you may never get that apology..

Pure and simple his brain/personality may not be wired for being able to give genuine apologies to people..

He doesn't seem to be that person who you thought you knew very well..It is possible that you only knew his outer cover, the one he presents to the world..

What is his agenda? Who knows?

Please go dark on this guy while at the same time being on your guard....

Try to stay around people as much as possible..

If this is a sudden change with the vulgar texts, who knows what is going on in his brain..Especially if he doesn't stop the texts after you asked him to..

Also be prepared for him to show up on your doorstep unannounced.. Sounds like this guy may have gone crazy enough to try to take you (sexually) by force...

[This message edited by doggiediva at 9:17 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1170 | Registered: Nov 2011
Charity411
♀ Member
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are in a sick cycle, and it is one that he groomed you to participate in. I know. I dated someone just like him for years before I came to my senses. I can tell you with certainty that he will not change. He will not apologize. He will not become who you would like him to be.

Reading your posts was like looking at myself years ago. In my situation he spent most nights at my house. I fed him dinner and breakfast. He too had his own home but never paid his bills. When he didn't spend the night at my house I could never reach him for some odd reason. My primary value was sex, food and lodging, pretty much in that order. Why did I stay so long? He played the dangle the love carrot with me. When ever I would start to get wise to the situation he loved me all of a sudden. The cycle repeats itself over and over and over again.

The best way to start to break free of this person is to imagine your best friend or your daughter sitting in your living room describing this relationship and sobbing uncontrollably. What would you tell her? Really look at the situation. Take the emotion out of it and see it for what it is. Because it doesn't matter what you think he feels or want him to feel. What matters is what he treats you like. He isn't saying those things you want to hear because he doesn't feel those things. Don't see it as rejection of you. He very likely doesn't feel actual love for any women. They are a means to an end. His comfort and sexual gratification.

When you really see that for what it is you will break the cycle. It will be easy. You won't fall for the love carrot anymore. You will no longer want the rotten carrot he is offering.

Stay completely strong about not contacting this guy. He is going to try to make you feel silly and like a typical hysterical woman. When that doesn't work he will put on a charm offensive. Don't fall for it.


Posts: 318 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
Sadwife222
♀ Member
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My first thought about his texts to you, given what he's been up to, is that he's entertaining himself with another woman while they read your replies. He is really a sicko.

Is this what you want? Because with him, it's all you'll get.

Sorry. Take care of YOURSELF.


Me BW, Him WH
DD #1, caught 4/12/13
DD #2, tells me the whole truth, 5/21/13
DD #3, TT until 8/9/13 then full disclosure w/timeline
DD #4, 8/26/13, OW texts me more info, he tells me the whole truth
DD # 5, 9/11/13, he tells me the whole truth??

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jul 2013
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