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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Something good! (no relation to a at all!)
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to share something happy!

It is not directly related to h and I and R but indirectly.

My 28 year old son heard the "I love you but speech" in March. His fiancÚ cheated on him and left. Long story, very sad of course. He had moved to support her through school 1500 miles away and put his plans on hold. His life revolved around her. He has been devastated, depressed and so alone. It has been killing me to think of him going through this so alone, no one but me to talk to long distance. Just getting through day by day.

He texted me in the middle of the night. "I know you are sleeping. I just want you to know I am okay. I have decided that I want to come home"

I just saw this this morning and I am waiting, patiently (hah!) for him to call.

I am so very happy! I have not felt this happy in a very long time. I knew this was weighing on me, every day I worried about him. I feel as if a rock has been lifted from my heart.

I am so happy! He will not spend the holidays alone. I can help him move forward in a real way and not just from afar. We can support each other in real life and not just on the phone.

I am so happy! Gee, do you think I'm happy?

I am jumping out of my skin!

I didn't know I still had this much happy in me!

Just wanted to share something good. This is so very, very good.

Happy tears!


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1087 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
HeartInADustpan
♀ Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love how our children can make everything better. My DS is a bit younger, but when he tells me he "loves me to the end of the universe and back very, very slowly (meaning traveling slowly)" it warms my heart.

I'm so sorry your DS has already experienced the pain of infidelity, but I'm so glad he is making it.

Be happy! Be really, really happy!!


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 375 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so very happy!

In a kind of "Twilight Zone" kind of way, having gone through this myself has enabled me to help him in a way that would not have been possible if I had not experienced it myself. I just don't think I would have been able to understand what he was going through.

We have become so close and so open with each other. We talk about things that I never would have believed possible.

I have texts from him that I save and read over and over.

"I am so proud and grateful that you are my mom", doesn't get much better than that, except, He Is Coming HOME!!!

Just a little excited.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1087 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
ItsaClimb
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so thrilled for you! SO so thrilled!

We are moving to the city where my pregnant daughter lives at the end of the month and I am SO looking forward to being near my daughter again, I can't wait, counting the days! So I can understand just how you feel. And then to know that you will be able to help him recover from infidelity too, that is huge.


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 18yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 763 | Registered: Oct 2012
ItsaClimb
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

duplicate post!

[This message edited by ItsaClimb at 9:26 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 18yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 763 | Registered: Oct 2012
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so excited. I know it will be better for him here. He really made no friends over the 4 years he was there. His life revolved around working and spending all his time with her. He really did put his life on hold.

I am hoping that once he gets home and has some support in real everyday life he will start to focus on himself again.

He is going to live with us until he is ready to leave. I hope that without the pressures of rent and just getting through maybe he will find the energy to get back to school (with some encouragement from mom).

Also, I am going to gently try to get him into therapy. He did try once where he is living now and got such a runaround that he gave up. It was just too much for him at the time. That is the hard thing about therapy, when you really need it you don't have the energy to pursue it if there is too much red tape.

Maybe our IC/MC will give us a family rate.

Already 3 appointments a week between h and I, what's one more?

I am really so pleased. Moving away for him I still see as having had a positive effect. He has grown so responsible and thoughtful, I just wish that he hadn't had to experience infidelity. Hell, I wish I didn't either, actually I wish that no one ever had to know what this feels like.

I think I have more anger towards his ex than toward my h. That mother lion comes out. I picture him as that innocent little boy and it breaks my heart that he was hurt in this way. I don't know if I could contain my anger towards her if I ever run into her. I would if with my son, for him, not for her though. Wow, am I angry at her. Haven't had a chance to even think about her before. Amazing what goes on in the brain and you don't even realize.

I will keep my venom under control and focus the energy where it's needed. She did suffer consequences, she contracted a not so nice reminder and thankfully my son did not.

Back to happy, I am so excited I can't wait to talk to him. He works nights so I just have to wait for him to wake up. I have texted him about a million times already.

I am so relieved, happy, I would go help him move today!


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1087 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay, yay, yay!


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1035 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, that is such good news! I am so happy for you.

And for him...maybe this lesson learned will put him ahead of many of us here. He'll know never to wrap himself around another person quite like that again. He'll shed codependency really young! LOL


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 5851 | Registered: Jan 2011
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((cant))))

I can feel your joy. Funny how life works. This just adds a whole layer of everything happens for a reason to the whole thing for you.

I hope your son finds happiness when he gets back around those that love him.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love this!! Thank you for sharing. I am so excited for you!!!!!!!


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 328 | Registered: Aug 2013
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No coincidences. Your mother lion is better prepared to help her young cub work through this. My wife and I will be better prepared to facilitate our girls relationship issues due to the pain we are going through too.

Rebreather said it already.... This pain will help him grow and mature earlier in life than you or I did.

Good news....thanks for sharing.


ME: 42 BH
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012 by 1 email to OM...OM did NOT respond.
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred...may never incur.

Posts: 2669 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It feels good to share happy news for a change.

One really nice thing about today, I can actually feel happy. I can still feel that absolute joy!

What a gift!

I still have that inside me.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1087 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the strangest sensations of this journey and sharing it with my son was hearing him talk.

So many times it felt as if I were listening to my words come out of his mouth. He was experiencing all of the pain and self questioning and changes in perception, self doubt, It was heartbreaking.

I am so glad he is coming home. I am so grateful that I understand enough to be able to help him.

I think it will be good for both of us. Nothing gives a mother energy like the needs of her children.

My energy has been sorely lacking, hard to get motivated. Maybe I can find some motivation for him and carry it over for me. The idea of a body in motion...


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1087 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fantastic wonderful news!!!!

I am so delighted to hear the joy in your "voice"! Truly awesome that you can feel that level of "happy" again.

Glad you will be able to provide support for one another. A "live" person/friend who's been through this mess can be so helpful. To have that "friend" in your son, and he in you, is a special gift (although one we all wish neither of you had or needed!)

Thrilled for your happiness!


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 20 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, MC/IC/FC,
He officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Topic Posts: 14

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