HiswifeHerlife, I can totally relate to your having children very quickly, not leaving time for yourselves as a couple to learn about each other as a couple.I'd never thought about that before,and it's so true, our first child was completly unplanned, we were totally unprepared to be parents but loved him to bits. One thing I've always said about H's affair was how he wanted to live like a single bloke,ie time away from responsibility as a parent, he knew I'd always look after them whilst he was off "working late". The way you put it was quite an eye-opener, summed up some vague thoughts I'd had but couldn't pinpoint, thanks for that.
You said your H was her second foray into infidelity. The more I read, the less I'd worry about telling her BH, he really needs to know before she chooses her next affair partner.