It would make a difference if my STBX was a bad person who did the wrong thing, but he is a good person... A good father... My best friend... I still read back on our old text messages for each other... Read back his love letters and cards he gave me... I should be moving and not reminisce the past anymore but I can't help it.
Right now, our relationship is more amicable than how it was been weeks after dday. He hugs me and tells me he's sorry... Sorry that all these happened to us. But those sorries doesn't mean he wants to mend things between us ( of course I wish they were) because I know that he is head over heels inlove with the OW.
I hope I'm not crazy and please somebody tell me that I'm not the only one feeling this way.... :(
It also seems as though you are still very much in love with him and wish you and he could reconcile. The problem is that he doesn't want to reconcile. He's now "in love" with this other woman. Is that accurate?
If all of the above is accurate, I do think that you are giving him a bit too much credit. So, he's a good guy? He broke his marriage vows. He betrayed you. He's preparing to leave you. He's going to impact the future life of your child negatively. He didn't stop his feelings for the OW in favor of you and his love for you, but selfishly followed his impulses.
To me, it's as though those love letters he wrote to you needed to be followed by this:
Disclaimer: Everything contained in this love letter is subject to becoming null and void, if I happen to stumble across someone who really piques my interest.
Maybe ask yourself this. Has he written similar letters to the OW? Are they real, too? Is he just so full of love that one person just isn't enough for his inner wonder?
I don't know him, but he just doesn't sound like such a good guy to me.
Me: fBH 46
Her: exWW 42
DDay: Nov 1, 2012
Divorced: September 17, 2013
And now? He continues to show me, his family, his children... What a total Dooosh he truly has become. He cares only for his own happy. And he will gladly tell you that life is about HIS happiness now. Not a good guy.
Once all the shock wears off you will see this too. It's time for you to get yourself emotionally safe. He is not your friend anymore. Get yourself prepared and ready for him to turn on you- most of them do when they start to realize what S/D really means.
Gotmylifeback2013, I've read the 180 and I am gonna try to do it. In our state, we have to have a separation period of 1 yr before I file for divorce. I already drafted the separation agreement and he agreed to all the terms. I just need to find the courage to do the full 180 and not to be too friendly to him anymore. We've NEVER slept together in the same room since Dday.
Thanks again for the posts.
Praying for strength and courage to move on...
One thing that is counter intuitive for many "giving" people, is to switch gears and start thinking more about yourself. I'm sure your focus has remained constant on your child or children. Prepare for that to intensify, because they are going to need you as their rock.
My own opinion is that I would not count on a fog to clear. The "fog" is a concept that some people embrace and others do not. I would gently suggest looking at it this way. Even if he has an epiphany and comes running back to you, you still have a lot to consider. For example, how would you ever know that down the road he would not "fall in love" with someone else? That's a big question.
He should be on his hands and knees, begging with every ounce of strength in his body for you to take him back. He should have immediately stopped his A. He should be going to therapy to find out how he could have gone so far afield. He should be thinking about his family and his child (children). Very sadly, he is not. He is showing you something right now that is equally, or more painful, than the A itself. He's choosing to continue this disgraceful thing he has done. He is spitting in your face.
I don't know why your post has reached out to me int he way it has. There's just something about the words you've said. My heart breaks for you.
Stand tall. Be brave. Don't accept this in any way shape or form. He doesn't deserve your hugs. See clearly. Be strong for your children and for you. You can do it and you will survive this.
Best to you.
Hugs your way. I feel for you. Remember SI is here for you.
True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.
Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.