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User Topic: Work husbands and work wives
LeopoldB
♂ Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So... a lot of folks apparently have work spouse relationships - - some realize they have a work wife or work husband, and others are oblivious... although most of their colleagues would identify them as a work spouse and they may just be the last to find out.

I guess the question is whether it is possible to have a work husband or work wife and for it not to be 'ipso facto' inappropriate... such as has been stated by several people earlier on this thread - - just a normal everyday workplace relationship that mimics the best features of a real marriage with none of the family responsibilities.


Posts: 184 | Registered: Sep 2013
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just a normal everyday workplace relationship that mimics the best features of a real marriage with none of the family responsibilities

Remove the word "workplace" in that sentence (or even without removing it) and the description sounds an awful lot like an affair.

I have read the whole thread. I don't work in the corporate world and never have, so I don't claim to know anything about these types of workplace interpersonal relations that get to the point of seeming like spouses. That sentence from your post just stood out to me.


Me: WS, 30s
XH: BS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Reconciling after divorce

"Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible." - Hunter Hayes, "Invisible"


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So... a lot of folks apparently have work spouse relationships - - some realize they have a work wife or work husband, and others are oblivious... although most of their colleagues would identify them as a work spouse and they may just be the last to find out.

I think that misconstrues the feedback - my reading is that the bulk of the feedback is that considering a co-worker a 'work spouse' is dangerous at best and downright wrong at worst. I'm not sure anybody has a work spouse without realizing it.

workplace relationship that mimics the best features of a real marriage

See, that's the problem - in most cultures one of the best features of M is sex. Calling a work colleague a 'work spouse' ipso facto puts you on the slippery slope. JMO, of course.


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9768 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess the question is whether it is possible to have a work husband or work wife and for it not to be 'ipso facto' inappropriate.

I would say it's fairly obvious that it isn't okay but if your job description is "Billionaire Playboy," "Liege Lord" or "Pimp" then I guess a normal everyday workplace relationship could mimic the best features of a real marriage with none of the family responsibilities.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7367 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Invalidating. Extremely invalidating to the real spouses. For one person to enjoy the title that another person worked so hard to claim - calling another chick 'work wife' when your real wife actually built a romance with you and put in that effort - kind of cheapens the real process of earning the term, not to mention highlighting the intimacy that the two office mates share. It crosses boundaries. The terms 'work husband' and 'work wife' read more like a private joke between two people, one of whom is outside the real marriage. I probably would be less offended if both parties were single, because then the romantic implications of terms like 'husband' and 'wife' and the resulting sexual tension among those who are suckers for romances, wouldn't be compromising any anti-cheating morals I have (though it might lead to questionable professionalism in many cases). YMMV.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
"Not my monkeys. Not my circus." ~Polish proverb (<~~~ as a codependent person, this comes in handy sometimes!)

Posts: 3882 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
LonelyHusband
♂ Member
Member # 34145
Default  Posted: 2:50 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just a normal everyday workplace relationship that mimics the best features of a real marriage with none of the family responsibilities

Someone has already said this, but I thought I would re-iterate it. Remove ONE word and the sentence becomes.

just a normal everyday relationship that mimics the best features of a real marriage with none of the family responsibilities

Sounds a lot like an affair to me. In fact it sounds precisely like the beginnings of an affair. You get the highs of a relationship without the worries about the kids and mortgage. I can see such a small step from "we work great together" into "he just understands me", "She finished my sentences", "I couldn't manage without her", and boom, you've stepped off the cliff.

People say the term in commonplace, but in the UK I have never heard it. In fact I had never heard it until I came to this thread.

Calling someone my work wife in the UK would result in one of two things. If they had healthy boundaries they would probably complain to HR about me NOT having healthy boundaries. If they didn't have healthy boundaries then my wife would quite rightly go nuclear because it would be seen as flirting or at the very least flirting with stepping over the boundaries we have in place to protect our marriage.

If she came home and laughingly called someone her work husband it would set off a massive alarm bell.

At work I have colleagues. I have employees. I go home to my wife.

The very concept of work husbands and wives makes me nauseous.


BS ( me) 41
fWS (OktoberMest) 35
D day #1 29/10/2011, D day #2 15/112011, D day #3 15/03/2012
Reconciling.
“It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”, is inadequate consolation when you vacuum up a child's hamster'

Posts: 1290 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Leopold,

mimics the best features of a real marriage

...and what would these "features" be?

...commitment
...loyalty
...trust
...respect
...communication
...shared history
...uncommon understanding of each other


Yes. All of these can and often do exist, but the appropriate relationship is a business friend relationship, but not a work wife relationship. Love and sex are still missing. Also, it's the "team" versus "family" differentiation that makes it different.


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 921 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..It did not become inappropriate in part because we chose not to cross that line (there was borderline joking about it), in part because of circumstances, and in part because of lack of opportunity

..who chose NOT to cross that line? her or you?

..who was doing the border line joking? her or you?

..what were the 'circumstances' you speak of?

..had this so called 'lack of opportunity' been remedied, who would have taken full advantage of the 'opportunity'??? her or you ??

..hhmmmmmmm

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Truly
♀ Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some people have Personal Assistants, or Legal Secretaries or staff or colleagues.

No one has a 'work wife' or 'work husband' although I do believe some people have 'work horses'. Just like a real horse but...

Some inappropriate, damaged, entitled, pompous ass made the terms up, let's ditch them, please.

I am now off to 'work' to work collegially with my 'work colleagues'. I will later return home to my husband, almost like a real husband only...oh no wait, he IS a real husband.
I know this because he lives with me and I get to see him naked


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
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