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User Topic: Work husbands and work wives
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Leopold,

...back to your original post, which I just reread.

You said this:


I miss my work wife because we were a great team and everything is so much more difficult now. But I can understand that our spouses might have viewed the work environment as a threat or potential train wreck in the future.

Do you see that YOU are the one that needs to do the "viewing" and then take immediate action to address the situation?

Dude, listen up. My wife left me, our 2 year old and our 5 year old daughter because she allowed herself to get too close to her "work husband". It happens a lot, as you may noticed on SI. With respect, please, please start to see and understand the huge risks of not having appropriate boundaries in the workplace. Can you see it from a different perspective now, after reading all,of these posts Can you see that just because DR. Phil maybe have used the terms "work husband" and "work wife" and may have "had" one himself, that doesn't make it OK?


Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 958 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ninebark:

However there is one. He is like my best friend at work. We make jokes, and they can be very off colour at times and yes we make some inappropriate comments. But it is because we have very similar senses of humor. I love him to death and if we were both single I would go out with him.

In consideration of where we are I saw that as cavalier.

That you and your boyfriend are open and honest with each other is awesome. I am not accusing you of an EA. I am not even commenting on standing at the edge of boundaries and toeing that line.

What I am saying is that was delivered almost flippantly, in a crowd of people who were betrayed in very similar circumstances. I am about as absolutely sure as I can be about anything that you weren't trying to be and that it was not calculated at all - but really look at that statement and think about how many stories start that way.

FWIW I was in exactly the same place your BF is, totally trusted my wife. It wasn't until she started to hide those off color jokes and inappropriate comments that it became a problem, and it's a very, very, very short hop to doing that from where you are.

Now, that aside and this not directed at anyone in specific, what I personally find ridiculous and borderline insulting is the few people implying they can dance along that edge and never fall over it, as if there is somehow an inherent superiority to their boundaries vs those of others who failed at maintaining them. While I have never crossed those lines and like to think I could be blackout drunk in a whorehouse with thousand dollar bills tied to my dick and still not cross that line, I acknowledge that the best way to be sure of that is not test those boundaries. Because after being here this long what I am just as sure that anybody can get sucked into this shit. I do mean *anyone* - and while I think my personal morality is solid I don't even trust myself dancing along an edge.

Good boundaries are only those that are not tested IMO.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 7:44 AM, November 8th (Friday)]


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7488 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what I personally find ridiculous and borderline insulting is the few people implying they can dance along that edge and never fall over it, as if there is somehow an inherent superiority to their boundaries vs those of others who failed at maintaining them.

YES! I would like to join you in this sentiment. Flirting with that line is not a sign of strength or good boundaries. I consider it foolish.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fair enough Stillgoing. I just didn't want you to feel that I don't find this a serious subject. Nor do I feel I am perfect or above making mistakes.

Hey I can sit here all day and claim to be a pink bunny and be totally convinced of it until someone holds up a mirror and says "are you really sure about that?" I think having these discussions does help you to take a look at things closer where you may not have previously. Which is why I value SI. I wonder if someone would have had this conversation with my STBEXH would he have done what he did.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am an executive admin asst. I have been/am the work wife.
Really, Mousse? You are a professional executive admin asst. and you want to be seen and described as the "work wife"?

On the flip side of the coin, I find it very aggravating when my dear FWH treats me like I am his secretary. I would lose it if he called me his "home secretary" or "home executive admin asst.".

As a BS who's FWH's affair started as a workplace "friendship" (I haven't asked if they were known as "work husband and wife", don't think I want to know) who himself now is appalled that this "friendship" so very insidiously slipped down the slope, I have to agree with SG's quote

what I personally find ridiculous and borderline insulting is the few people implying they can dance along that edge and never fall over it
My FWH insisting that it was never his intent to have an affair with this employee when they first started their "friendship" (although I am sure it was always the intent of the OW) is one of those people who felt he could dance along the edge and never fall over it.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are a professional executive admin asst. and you want to be seen and described as the "work wife"?

Good point. Not only is the term insulting to those in committed relationships, it's insulting to professionals, women especially. Females have fought long and hard to gain equal footing in a workplace and to water her skill set, knowledge, talent and (hopefully) professionalism down to the term "work wife" denigrates the professionalism of her job. Performing tasks for another person within the confines of your job does not make one a quasi-spouse. It makes you good at your job, period. I'd resist allowing anyone to blur that line and make my skills into a punch line.

I'm a SAHM, but in the field of education I've mainly worked with other women. If I have a level of interaction with someone on my job, they are still coworkers. If I interact outside of work, they might eventually be considered a friend. At no point would I call one of those women a work wife. Why would I do so just because the coworker is male? Why would he be any more worthy of trying to create a special connection with, using a special term?

Only if boundaries are slippery, IMO. It undermines my professionalism and my M. Why even go there...or fight for the right to go there?

I've been talking a lot to DD about the roles of people in our lives. She used the term frienemy. I told her I didn't believe in it. Either someone is a friend, who might make a mistake but does not intentionally cause harm or they are an enemy. There are friends, acquaintances, classmates, neighbors, coworkers, close friends, best friends, colleagues...the list goes on and on.

There are so many words that can clearly define relationships and by extension boundaries that there is no need to combine terms from two different roles unless those lines are intended to be blurred. Terms like frienemy and work spouse serve one purpose, IMO. That's to make acceptable the unacceptable. To normalize the blurring of what should be strong boundaries (friends vs. enemies, work vs. home).

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 8:46 AM, November 8th (Friday)]


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stillgoing's last paragraph pretty much summed it up for me. This is a sore subject for me since my STBXW had a 3 yr LTA with a coworker. I am sure they started off as "friends" as well. I really wish I could add more to this topic but I can't, not because I am angry but because so many people in the working world don't realize or don't even care about the boundaries they cross everyday. They don't even think about the impact, real or percieved, that it has on the spouse they leave when they walk out the door in the morning.

My STBX likely had a "work-husband" or something similar in name and all it cost her was her M and 50% of her time with our children. Maybe if companies actually enforced theire Code of Conduct more often this wouldn't be such a problem.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe if companies actually enforced theire Code of Conduct more often this wouldn't be such a problem.

Not really. It all comes down to boundaries. Children need parents to teach them boundaries and enforce them. Eventually those children grow up and should be setting their own boundaries. If the companies are babysitting then those adult-children don't have to own their choices or actions.

Just like a spouse isn't a parent and shouldn't have to create boundaries for their spouse, so it is for companies.

You should remain faithful because that was the agreement when you got into a relationship. At work you should act professional because that's what you're paid to do.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now, that aside and this not directed at anyone in specific, what I personally find ridiculous and borderline insulting is the few people implying they can dance along that edge and never fall over it, as if there is somehow an inherent superiority to their boundaries vs those of others who failed at maintaining them. While I have never crossed those lines and like to think I could be blackout drunk in a whorehouse with thousand dollar bills tied to my dick and still not cross that line, I acknowledge that the best way to be sure of that is not test those boundaries. Because after being here this long what I am just as sure that anybody can get sucked into this shit. I do mean *anyone* - and while I think my personal morality is solid I don't even trust myself dancing along an edge.

In all of the heated debate on this thread I think the discussion has turned into a very interesting topic to understand.

My first question to the above statement is who gets to draw the line where that edge exists? And do you think that edge is really the same for everyone? Do you really think that you have the answer as to what that line is and how it should apply to ALL people?

I think if you sent a questionnaire on where the edge line exists you would get a variety of different answers from those on SI. You will have various people on different extremes - some think it is possible to have an EA with the cashier at a coffee shop that you spend 2 minutes talking to everyday while others don't even consider the act of sex as cheating in some situations (there are people from open M on here). I caution those that want to paint a line that they think ALL should follow as I think they are the ones acting ridiculous and bonderline insulting and a clear demonstration of some inherent superiority.

We all are different, have had different experiences and have different opinions on what is betrayal & cheating. I know some of my views may be extreme as to what I think is cheating and many may not agree with my viewpoints, but I certainly don't throw them in peoples faces and blindly brand them a cheater without a better understanding of the situation and the people involved.

I can understand the BS who has been cheated wanting to go to understand where it all began. Wanting to go to the point of where it turned into a bad decision in an effort to prevent it from ever happening again. I am not suprised that some feel that if they set the boundaries for their WS such that having a personnel conversation with someone of the opposite sex is crossing the line that it will prevent future betrayal from even happening. That may work for you - for me I would rather my WS fully regains my trust such that she knows what the things are that will hurt me again and have a strong desire to never want to do that again. I do not feel the need to set her world up such that she does not find herself in a situation that might require a choice.

[This message edited by ReunitePangea at 11:15 AM, November 8th (Friday)]


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 489 | Registered: Nov 2012
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is an interesting subject to debate here at SI.

Reunite, you bring up some good questions.

My first question to the above statement is who gets to draw the line where that edge exists? And do you think that edge is really the same for everyone? Do you really think that you have the answer as to what that line is and how it should apply to ALL people?
To these questions I believe the very simple answer is that the "dancing close to the edge" for everyone is when you know you don't want your spouse to see or hear what you are doing with your "work spouse" even if you haven't stepped over the edge and down the slope.

eta: I feel that SG was saying just the opposite of him being "superior", btw.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:40 AM, November 8th (Friday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the very simple answer is that the "dancing close to the edge" for everyone is when you know you don't want your spouse to see or hear what you are doing

Sister - I am in complete agreement on that. It is a simple answer, but figuring out where the line is for each of us is still complex. What is even more difficult is that over time people change their opinion on where they feel that line should be. That is why my advise to ninebark was the following:

Ninebark, I think the important thing to remember is that you shouldn't be doing anything that you don't feel comfortable with your SO hearing in this type of situation. It may be advisable to see exactly how your SO feels about your work environment.

On the previous page someone posted a reply to that which I did find interesting.

No, the coworker's wife is also an important party, as she is married to the man who is being called another woman's "boyfriend" by gossiping coworkers.

I don't think I have an answer that some will agree with but it is how I feel. I feel I can really only control myself. I can set boundaries for my spouse that she can choose to follow or not but I can't control her to make the decision I want her to make. I feel that expecting me to be aware of what someone else is doing who is not my wife and then go beyond that to consider what their SO feelings may or may not be is beyond my level or reach.

To illustrate my point further consider this example. This is probably true for many here but since finding out about my WWs infidelity, I feel like I have a hightened awareness to other forms of likely cheating going around me. If you don't have that, consider this instead, it doesn't take me more than a few clicks of the mouse to get to web pages where I can clearly find cheating going on. When I see likely cheating in action - should I be taking down their names or getting their license plate numbers to report the information to their SO? My guess is very few if anyone have done that here. Why not?

How is the above example any different than what you are suggesting? Just because it is easier for me to get their names because my SO may know them I have an obligation to report it or work to prevent it?

Infidelity, cheating, betrayal will always happen. There is nothing we can do to create a world where it will not exist.

eta: I feel that SG was saying just the opposite of him being "superior", btw

I agree - those that were labeling a BS as a WS without first trying to understand more were though.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 489 | Registered: Nov 2012
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RP, I was explaining what I feel is the edge for each individual person. And, for each person, that edge will be different. Some may be comfortable with hugging people, others not, for instance. Only you know what actions and what kind of talk to other people your spouse wouldn't approve of. If you feel you need to hide any of your behaviour from your spouse, thats the edge for you.

Nowhere did I say I was the cheating police. What I will say is I know what professional and business behaviour looks like. If two people seem to have an intimate relationship and are referring to themselves as "work spouses" or the office gossip is calling them that, I feel it is legitimate to at least suspect that something more is going on than a strictly business or professional relationship.

Of course, we can't make our WS's have boundaries. We can have boundaries and my boundary is that I expect my FWH to have exemplary boundaries.

some feel that if they set the boundaries for their WS such that having a personnel conversation with someone of the opposite sex is crossing the line that it will prevent future betrayal from even happening.
If the WS has done the needed work on themselves they will set this boundary themselves. As StillGoing pointed out:
I could be blackout drunk in a whorehouse with thousand dollar bills tied to my dick and still not cross that line, I acknowledge that the best way to be sure of that is not test those boundaries.
Because, really RP, why would you want your WW to test her boundaries? (BTW, love the image SG! )
I do not feel the need to set her world up such that she does not find herself in a situation that might require a choice.
I don't feel anyone here was suggesting this RP. In fact anyone who feels they can do this with their WS is doomed to failure and will become exhausted by trying to do this.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This same concept exists in some video games such as MMORPGs like Warcraft or the game my WW played, Dark Legends. There were a lot of teens and lonely people on there I guess. And my WW ended up getting caught in the trap. She is still hung up on the guy.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are no such things as "work husbands" and "work wives", just husbands, wives, and everyone else in the world including those you happen to work with.

These terms are inappropriate, insulting, and hurtful.


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1457 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My first question to the above statement is who gets to draw the line where that edge exists? And do you think that edge is really the same for everyone? Do you really think that you have the answer as to what that line is and how it should apply to ALL people?

Well, yes, I do think I get to decide what I consider to be poor boundaries and apply them to whomever I wish. We can discuss the subjectivity of morals and circumstances but at the end of the day I get to make the call on what I consider to be over the line.

Some people think sucking ain't fucking. I have an opinion on that one too, and I apply it to everyone equally as well.

I am not suprised that some feel that if they set the boundaries for their WS such that having a personnel conversation with someone of the opposite sex is crossing the line that it will prevent future betrayal from even happening. That may work for you - for me I would rather my WS fully regains my trust such that she knows what the things are that will hurt me again and have a strong desire to never want to do that again. I do not feel the need to set her world up such that she does not find herself in a situation that might require a choice.

I'm not even sure what this is supposed to mean. Are you trying to say I have set boundaries for my wife and kept her in a box so she resents me?

I don't set her world up, I set up mine. Do not imply I play some stupid fucking game with my wife and treat her as less than an equal, because that has nothing to do with this discussion whatsoever.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7488 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what I personally find ridiculous and borderline insulting is the few people implying they can dance along that edge and never fall over it, as if there is somehow an inherent superiority to their boundaries vs those of others who failed at maintaining them.

Amen. This is deluded thinking IMO. When my husband was in craniorectal phase, he asserted that it was perfectly fine for him to spend time with and drink alcohol with a woman who BY HIS OWN ADMISSION he found attractive, because he had self control. Please bear in mind that he had already cheated on me once while drunk at this point. Then he told me that my intentional avoidance of close situations with men who I found attractive indicated that I had no self-control.

Then my head, it exploded.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6810 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my husband was in craniorectal phase...

Pure gold. The rest of the sentence was great, but you had me at "craniorectal phase."


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1457 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
RippedSoul
♀ Member
Member # 40055
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of us are so diverse and our strengths and weaknesses are so different. The terms "work husband" and "work wife" give me the creeps. Nothing professional about it. And as someone who works at an elementary school (as opposed to a law office), I realize even the word "professional" can be interpreted in varying ways.

I would be uncomfortable telling anyone other than my spouse how friendly he/she could be with another coworker. After being married to my SAWH for 22 years of marriage and experiencing a multitude of his EAs or near EAs (then, in the last half of 2012, a PA, a prostitute, 2 escorts, and trolling on hook-up sites), I've learned that some people simply can't have safe friendships with members of the opposite sex. I've stood next to him as he speaks to mere acquaintances and have watched him "groom" them: a casual touch here, a compliment there, a total focus on what the other person is saying. I feel very detached--like I'm in the midst of a social science experiment.

When he is more aware--as he has been before when he's stopped being friends with someone on FB because he felt it was too dangerous for him or when he stopped taking his administrative assistant out for lunch on Secretary's Day and instead gave her (and her spouse) a gift certificate for dinner at a nice restaurant--he is careful about boundaries. But when he's not sober . . . then I'm happy when his travel includes a lesbian engineer or a fellow female scientist who is 20 years his senior. If she is tolerably attractive or anywhere near his age (20 years younger to 10 years older), then, yes, I worry.

With anyone who fits into that latter category, I believe his convos should be limited to work, work, and only work. If he needs to share personal stories, he has male colleagues who are his friends, he has female friends-of-the-marriage (my two bffs) to talk to, and he has family members who know his situation. He is NOT denied a female point-of-view. But (this may change, but it's doubtful) I don't think any contact with any woman (in that above-mentioned danger zone) about any non-work subject is "safe" for him.

Not all men (or women) might need such strict boundaries. I wouldn't. I'm not being obtuse; I'm simply aware of the "line" in my life being more of a wall. My SAWH has been my only sexual partner. One of my major fears, back when D seemed more of a conclusion than it does now, was being alone the rest of my life because I truly didn't feel like I could ever be intimate with anyone else. He is my only. Imagining myself with someone else--even divorced, when it wouldn't be cheating--leaves me repulsed. I can look at a gorgeous man and appreciate his beauty but I have never felt an iota of lust, or even attraction, for any of them. So could I go to a handsome male colleague and pour out my heart and soul to him and still keep my marriage safe. Probably. Thing is? I wouldn't.

Navigating this journey we're all on, this one called life, demands that we learn to understand ourselves, learn to communicate with others, learn to love those around us despite their weaknesses, and learn to accept who we are. We are not all alike and there's beauty and strength and comfort in that knowledge.


BW: 49; SLAWH: 46; M: 23 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute #1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (AP, escorts #1 & #2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 20; DD: 18; DS: 16; DS: 14
PS: I've NEVER NOT edited my posts

Posts: 461 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's another way to look at this:

For those with children, would you be ok with another man/woman (such as a teacher or a babysitter) calling themself your child's "Extra Mom/Dad" simply because they spend a lot of time with your child during the day?

I doubt it.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6540 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
HormonalWoman
♀ Member
Member # 29265
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nine bark, your statements totally contradict each other;

I love him to death and if we were both single I would go out with him. BUT, we are NOT. He has a wife and I have a boyfriend. He has said to me that he has never and will never cheat on his wife and I told him that I would never cheat on my BF.

Fair enough I can see where it would seem that way. Btw the conversation on the not cheating actually took place when we were both single and I was talking about my divorce.

If you were both single there were no partners to discuss your not cheating on.


Together 14 yrs
BW - Me
WH - Him
3 Children
DD 20th June 2010 actual affair was early 2008 for roughly 10 wks.

Posts: 246 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
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