Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Hurtherbad (44087)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: The Stupidest Thing
MammaMia
♀ Member
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What was the stupidest thing that came out of your spouse's mouth on Dday or soon after?


I can remember of two ( among quite a few)

a) "Don't worry. I won't do anything stupid" I guess going out with her behind my back was not stupid enough? Only if you have sex with her will make it stupid?? What an idiot!!!

b)" I did not take any time from you. I saw her when you were at work or at your volunteer job." I guess I should be thankful that he was so considerate....


And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Posts: 832 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
tara1110
♀ Member
Member # 41202
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

... " She was not a prostitute or anything like that"...

That makes it's even worse asshole... ONS is easier to swallow than an PA with EA....


Me BS:34
H WS: 28
OW: 33 (butter face... Thanks to sistermilkshake for the nickname)
Dday: July 24, 2013 (5 days after our 5th wedding anniversary)
7yrs together, married for 5 yrs
Status: divorcing

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: North Carolina
chick
♀ Member
Member # 41073
Default  Posted: 1:01 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am lucky that I have only had 1 occasion of stupid comments, other than that he has said everything right - but after a few drinks we had a bit of an argument - and he said 'it's not like I had an actual affair, it was just a one off' - as you can imagine I was absolutely furious....so he was saying that I should be GRATEFUL that he only betrayed me in the worst possible way ONCE?! Wow thanks darling, and there was me not giving you any brownie points.

This set us back a bit as before that I had felt totally secure that he completely got it - he did say the day after that it was a stupid stupid thing to say and it was just that he had a couple of drinks etc. but it just made me wonder whether all the things he had been saying up to that point were just what he thought he should say to get round me and not what he believed. I always think there is an element of truth in what we say under the influence of alcohol. I still think that in that moment he believed that he could have done worse things - and actually yes he could because if I had a choice between a stupid one night stand and a 6 month EA/PA then of course I would rather he did what he did - but if I had a choice then he wouldn't have done it at all!


Me - 32
Him - 32
D-Day - 6th Oct 2013
He had a ONS on 23rd Sept 2013

Posts: 69 | Registered: Oct 2013
lloyddobler
♂ Member
Member # 41050
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So far, the one that gets me the most is my wife's repeated assertion that the affair is explained by the fact that our marriage hadn't been so great these last 8-10 months. Classic blameshifting. But here's the part that gets me and qualifies it as the stupidest thing I've heard about the affair: the affair didn't start within the last 8-10 months; it lasted for more than 3 years!

Sometimes I feel nothing but frustration and anger when I hear this thing about our marriage being crappy these last 10 months or so; sometimes I have a rueful chuckling moment instead... posting about it here at this moment helps me make it a rueful chuckle.

WW has plenty she wants to pin on me for the last 10 months, but I'm starting to think that it maybe it's just not that easy being married to someone who is secretly having a long-term affair. In fact, I'm kind of surprised when I notice that I'm still telling myself that there were actually a couple years in the midst of the last three during which we had a pretty good marriage (when, after having been married for six years already, we decided to start a family together, for crying out loud!). Now, though, I mostly wonder what that would actually have been like... a good marriage. And I worry, too, that if I ever again start to feel that I have some of the things that I thought I had in my marriage a for a couple of these last three years, will I ever feel like it's more than an illusion.

Ah... well.. let's get back to the rueful laughter, shall we?

I've come across this joke a few times in the SI forums: Everything about our marriage is fine, except that I don't really care for my spouse's new boyfriend/girlfriend.

[This message edited by lloyddobler at 1:36 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]


Me: BH, 38
WW: 36
Married 9 years; together 12
D-Day #1: Oct. 18, 2013 (3-year ongoing long distance PA; August 2010-October 2013)
D-Day #2: Nov. 8, 2013 (an affair prior to the one mentioned above... June 2009-summer 2010[?])
19-month old son

Posts: 55 | Registered: Oct 2013
lloyddobler
♂ Member
Member # 41050
Default  Posted: 1:48 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh... just remembered the other one that starts me chuckling ruefully. When I asked whether she would ever have told me had I not found out, she said that, in all honesty, probably not. Now I applaud the honesty, but when I asked why, she said that she recalls that I had said before we were married that I would never tolerate infidelity, that I already knew firsthand what the toll of infidelity was and didn't want to have to go through that ever again.

So, obviously, this didn't mean not to have an affair, it meant never to get caught... what, because it wouldn't hurt anybody if I didn't know about it? Lunacy. That one I just can't help but laugh about.


Me: BH, 38
WW: 36
Married 9 years; together 12
D-Day #1: Oct. 18, 2013 (3-year ongoing long distance PA; August 2010-October 2013)
D-Day #2: Nov. 8, 2013 (an affair prior to the one mentioned above... June 2009-summer 2010[?])
19-month old son

Posts: 55 | Registered: Oct 2013
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I slipped up!"

Enough said:(


Me 44 (BS)
Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011
Children - two, mine from my previous marriage
Final straw 6/6/14

You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think (A A Milne)


Posts: 187 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
KatieG
♀ Member
Member # 41222
Default  Posted: 2:13 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When confronted with the txt from her on his phone "We do great sex" the first thing out of his mouth was "We didn't have sex"


DD#1 - 6th Oct 13 - TT
DD#2 - 9th Nov 13 - Full disclosure
DD#3 - 12th May 14 - FOG lifted and in R
7 week A, 2 weeks together, rest phone and email - PA and EA

Posts: 376 | Registered: Nov 2013
NoAnswers37
♀ Member
Member # 40592
Default  Posted: 4:24 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"What, so now I can't message a female "friend" at 2am to see how she is doing?!?"

*Facepalm*


Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending

Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:58 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the one that took the biscuit was during the confession. After the initial “I’ve had an affair” (already putting it in the past when it was still active – tsk) one question (amongst the million and yet none that were going through my head) was “how long?”

WH – four and a half years….
Me – four and a half YEARS???
WH – …..But I’ve been trying to finish it for two.

Oh, so that’s okay then! What a guy! Saying that really made it soooo much better! Thank you!


There were so many in those first few days. They do seem to say the most stupid things. Mostly blurting them out without thinking, in a desperate attempt to justify or make things better.

eta - got carried away.....

[This message edited by UKgirl at 5:00 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3439 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Scientist
♂ New Member
Member # 40910
DOH!  Posted: 6:11 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about this from WW after the first Dday? "OM really supports our marriage". Yes, right, and how exactly was he doing that? By screwing my wife 1-2 times a week for the next 4 years. This is not the kind of support I want for my marriage (am I ungrateful?).


Me: 58
WW: 58
M: 36 years
Together 39 years
4 children, 1 grandchild
dday(1) July 2005; dday(2) September 2013

Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: UK
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 6:36 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, so many stupid things. Where to start?

Well, on DDay, he picked up his phone and smiled and said that none of this would be happening if I hadn't looked on his phone.

Right - that's the problem!


Love leads to tears, tears lead to sadness, sadness to memories, memories to madness

Posts: 1612 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, so many, where to begin . .
About his MOW -cheating on her H for 4 yrs with mine -

"She's a good Christian woman"

[This message edited by shiloe at 6:42 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 559 | Registered: Mar 2003
sohowamI
♀ Member
Member # 36671
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One particular gem when I found out that he had slept with OW#11 in our bed:

'I made sure that she didn't sleep on YOUR side'! You can't make it up, can you?

He said so many stupid things when I found out that I simply can't remember them all. To my question of 'Are you fucking X...?' in response to her text 'you know that the sex is amazing...'
he said, 'No, of course not...'


WS had two LTAs of 10 years and 12 years; further 8/9 affairs; EAs, 2 OC. Looks horrific but he is fully immersed in trying to find the 'broken.' It's on-going and painful. If there's a blue sky and sunshine, then it's a good day.

Posts: 164 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: UK
Hurtm
♀ New Member
Member # 41102
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The affair allowed me to stay in our marriage.

WTF?


DD day October 17th (my birthday, lucky me)
Married 9 years, two kids (4 1/2 and 21 months)
He moved out and we're heading for divorce. Currently working through all the fun legal stuff

Posts: 42 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Ontario
chipmunk41
♀ New Member
Member # 40694
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My H said...

"It's YOUR fault too"

"Be glad I told you"

my fault???? yeah, right


wake me up when it's over...

Posts: 45 | Registered: Sep 2013
catatonic
Member
Member # 40758
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I would have written down all the stupid things. But here are some.
" I never stopped loving you"
"I was here for you and the kids"
" we never talked, it wasn't intimate"
" I did a STUPID thing" this is still being said!
" I did not mean to hurt you"
" sometimes it wasn't good" but it lasted 3 1/2 yrs
" I got trapped, I didn't know what to do. "
" I tried to get her on her "feet" make her not rely on me "
Well her being off her feet and her round heels got you in this mess!!!!
"

Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2013
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"just because we're married doesn't mean you can tell me who I can date."


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2212 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Fire96
♂ Member
Member # 34131
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's not enough bandwidth on the internet to list all of the stupid shit I have been hearing for the last two years of R.

"we never had sex, it was one of the best things between you and I, and I wouldn't jeopardize that. Besides, every time we were together for the past 18 months, he never had a condom."

"We would meet at the pool, and you know that sunshine makes me horny" (insert joke here about her solar powered vagina.)

"He only wanted me to give him blowjobs, and I wanted to make him happy. I'm mad because he never reciprocated, and I got nothing out of it."


Me, BS-54
WW-49
DD, 1/9/2011

Posts: 168 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Texas
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After finding out about his 3 YRS EA ( ) he told me:

we were in such a bad place (yeah, but I DID NOT cheat) I needed to talk to someone. (OK, so certainly DO NOT talk to your WIFE)

I just wondered how her life turned out (really, cuz after 35+ yrs it would really make a difference to us how??)

"We" (him and bitchface) have really been wanting us (him, me, bitchface and her BS) to meet up for dinner!

In a weekend workshop: I said NC!! Him: OK, maybe for 6 months. (to the HELL NO) OK let's talk about her in a year (to the F'n HELL NO)

what a dumb ass!!!


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1253 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me: "Why did you do it?"
Him: "I thought you didn't love me and we didn't have sex, so I did it just for sex"
Me: "If you needed sex and I didn't give you, why didn't you go to a hotel and call a prostitute?"
Him: "Prostitutes are dirty"

Yeah, right, prostitutes are "dirty" and cheaters and homewreckers are "clean".


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 149 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.